After the first half of The A-List New York’s scrappy reunion show hosted by Miss “How You Durrin” herself, Wendy Williams, along came the newest member of The A-List’s franchise, The A-List Dallas.
Look at these schmo’s, pictured above.
First up is Levi, the former cowboy turned t-shirt and underwear designer. His company also features slutty swimsuits for the boys. Kinda homely, but he’s young, fit and packing a big package, so he’s what passes for this show’s “Reichen.”
Next up is Taylor, self-hating homely Christian Republican homogay. He’s such a self-hater, he actually is a fund-raiser for Republican candidates. Kinda gives off a Smeagol vibe. Greedy and soulless, party of one, your table is ready.
James comes next. James is 23, a “trust fund boy” and a functioning alcoholic. He doesn’t have to work, so he doesn’t. He’s another member of the young and fit club. Other cast members allege he’s well hung. He sort of resembles a puffy John Travolta, but with negative charisma. Prediction: he will end up in rehab.
Ashley is this cast’s fruit fly. Young, blonde, Christian, married, straight. Her husband won’t allow her to have straight male friends, so she befriends the gays. Saying she is dumb as a box of rocks would be insulting the rocks.
Chase is a real estate agent who hangs his entire self-worth on his hair. Chase has perfected the stink face, a contortion that is truly appalling on someone so young. Oh, Chase, when you lose that hair, what will you do? Try developing a personality, won’t you?
And rounding out the cast is Philip, a personal stylist. While Philip is the most stereotypically gay person in the cast, he’s also the most conventionally attractive person in this group of ugmos.
Besides the repellent and repulsive personal attributes listed above, here’s why this show doesn’t work: It’s in Dallas. Where New York is aspirational, Dallas is snobby. New York does more, is more, sees more, lives more. Dallas merely aspires to give bitch-face and a completely inappropriate superior attitude.
New York fashion is tailored, smart, edgy, forward. The schmattes the Dallas cast wore were droopy, sad, last season. Or, in the case of Philip’s shoes, four seasons ago. Philip! You’re a stylist! Why are you still wearing pointy toed shoes? Very 2007. You should know better.
There’s more — New York parties are loud, bright, lots of snappy conversation and laughter. Dallas parties are careful, quiet, repressed. The difference can be expressed as “Hell Yes” versus “Oh, I Shouldn’t.”
To sum up: physically unpretty capped with ugly personalities, this latest franchise of The A-List needs to go back to whatever it was they were doing before they were contacted by the show producers. Go live your lives kids, very far away from the spotlight.
If you want to torture yourself further by exposing yourself to this nonsense, go visit LogoTV.com.
