You know how Christian fundamentalists are always going on about how Halloween is an evil pagan holiday that glorifies Satan and tempts children toward the path of eternal damnation? The usual response from, you know, normal people is to be like “chill out, it’s just an excuse for kids to dress up and extort some candy from old people.” But my questions is: why would you want to deny Halloween’s badass nature? I mean, sure, we have a day honoring zombie resurrection, and a day that celebrates slaughtering a bunch of people and taking their land. But Halloween is the only holiday that’s based on an ancient festival named after Glenn Danzig’s second-coolest band and that encourages girls to dress up like slutty witches (who, as we know, were all about kinky devil sex). So the fundamentalists are actually right on this one: Halloween is evil, Satanic, and totally freaking awesome. Show our religious friends you agree by blasting these songs as loud as you can, preferably near a church.
10. Arcturus – Wintry Grey. Normally, Halloween would be in the fall, but after this weekend, this song captures the mood perfectly.
9. Helstar – To Sleep, Perchance to Scream. If this song about Dracula doesn’t scare you, the odd time signatures in the intro should.
8. Iced Earth – Dracula. These guys released a whole concept album about Halloween monsters, but this melodramatic track is by far the best.
7. Moonspell – Vampiria. A love song addressed to a vampire, by a man with a sexy Portugese accent.
6. Cradle of Filth – Her Ghost in the Fog. This video by Richmond’s favorite band starts with a creepy old man reading poetry in the forest while sharpening an axe. That is all.
5. Marily Manson – This is Halloween. Yea, go ahead and make fun of me – what can I say, I grew up in the 90’s, and this is a well-done cover by any standard.
4. King Diamond – Halloween. Pretty much every song by the master of B-movie horror metal is Halloween-themed, but this one was the obvious choice.
3. Helloween – Halloween. Helloween were a German speed metal band who continually challenged the limits of just how cheesy a metal band could be while still being awesome. They finally discovered that limit when they released an album called Pink Bubbles Go Ape, but let’s not talk about that.
2. Misfits – Halloween. No Halloween list would be complete without this song. The AFI and Dropkick Murphys versions may technically sound better, but neither of them has that “drunken mumbling” je-ne-sais-quois of Danzig’s original rendition.
1. Type O Negative – All Hallows Eve. The Halloween song to end all Halloween songs. R.I.P. Pete Steele – you and your massive dong were taken from us far too soon.
