One afternoon, Thunderclees and MonkeyBiz had a chat over GMail about writing an article on Rick Perry’s tax plan. This is that chat.
MonkeyBiz: Howdy
Thunderclees: So I’m Thunderclees—what’s your ID name?
MonkeyBiz: Monkeybiz.
MonkeyBiz: Which means this conversation is going to be very confusing for everyone, especially Bots
Thunderclees: hahahahahaha and Fred
Thunderclees: Ok, just opened that link
Thunderclees: he goes on for 90 minutes!
Thunderclees: jeebus
MonkeyBiz: Christ. I don’t have that kind of time.
Thunderclees: Me neither
Thunderclees: Thank you, Politico, for this write-up.
Thunderclees: Flat tax (but mortgage deduction is sacrosanct), abolish the estate tax, privatize social security
Thunderclees: Early in the speech, Perry derides Obama’s plans as “microwave policies”—reheated old ideas.
Thunderclees: So, y’know: asshole.
MonkeyBiz: Where have I heard all those policies before? Oh yeah, EVERY REPUBLICAN ECONOMIC PLAN FOR THE LAST 30 YEARS.
Thunderclees: Ezzackly.
Thunderclees: So leftovers suck, unless it’s Texas chili, which actually gets better if you let it sit for a while.
Thunderclees: “Perry’s piece in the Journal doesn’t include much information about how he expects his tax plans to function in practice – what kind of revenue they’d bring in, how they’d affect his pledge to balance the budget, etc.”
Thunderclees: The real question for me is, “Why is Rick Perry still considered a serious candidate?”
MonkeyBiz: Also good: Chinese food.
Thunderclees: He hasn’t had a “victory,” minor or major, since he said he’d lynch Ben Bernanke or whatever.
Thunderclees: Damn straight!
MonkeyBiz: Better question: if the definition of insanity is doing the same thing the same way over and over again and expecting different result seach time, then can we have the entire GOP Presidential field committed?
Thunderclees: Ok, so what angle do you wanna take on this?
MonkeyBiz: Open to ideas. My first instinct is always a point by point rebuttal, but that would take too long and I don’t have any Tums.
Thunderclees: hahahahahahah
Thunderclees: Point-counterpoint? I’ll take the orthodox supply-side point of view?
Thunderclees: Meh…
MonkeyBiz: Yeah. That’s not gonna work
MonkeyBiz: My anger is already frothy
MonkeyBiz: Perry wants to repeal Section 404 of Sarbanes Oxley
Thunderclees: This is fish in a monetarist barrel.
MonkeyBiz: Fish in top hats, with tiny monocles.
Thunderclees: So how/why do Republicans get away with demanding “new solutions” from Obama while quite literally providing only ideas they’ve proposed before?
MonkeyBiz: Because they’re not actually asking for new solutions
MonkeyBiz: They want the President to use their solutions
Thunderclees: Yyyyyyyyyyup!
Thunderclees: Where do you live?
MonkeyBiz: And when their solutions fail, like they have been for 30 years, they can blame it on Democrats
MonkeyBiz: Indianapolis, Indiana.
Thunderclees: So, I think a lot of this goes back to a basic lack of education about economics.
Thunderclees: Not Marxism, not Friedmanism, but basic stuff
MonkeyBiz: You should have stopped after “education”.
Thunderclees: How do we say “Republicans are so stupid” without just saying “Republicans are so stupid”?
Thunderclees: hahaha
MonkeyBiz: I can call a spade a duck, but that’s not gonna make it quack.
Thunderclees: so
MonkeyBiz: Rick Perry
Thunderclees: Works for me.
MonkeyBiz: Okay. We have a title. Now for content.
MonkeyBiz: I need to go do a presentation. Be back in an hour or two.
Thunderclees: Likewise
Thunderclees: We’ve got this to work with too
Thunderclees: Why did you choose to keep the birther issue alive?
Thunderclees: A.
Thunderclees: It’s a good issue to keep alive. You know, Donald [Trump] has got to have some fun. It’s fun to poke him a little bit and say “Hey, let’s see your grades and your birth certificate.” I don’t have a clue about where the president — and what this birth certificate says. But it’s also a great distraction. I’m not distracted by it.
Thunderclees: Perry is taking the Classic Rock Radio Station approach to winning the nomination
MonkeyBiz: If Perry is Seger, who’s Romney? Aerosmith?
Thunderclees: Romney is the Beaver Brown Band.
Thunderclees: Or John Denver or something
Thunderclees: Pat Boone.
MonkeyBiz: Mr sunshine on my shoulders, john denver
MonkeyBiz: Rick Perry lit Mitt Romney’s country music award on fire.
Thunderclees: hhahahahahahahahha
Thunderclees: There’s the title
MonkeyBiz: I’m pretty sure we could do an article just of us ripping on Rick and Mitt.
Thunderclees: Do-able.
MonkeyBiz: I think we should publish this, as a prelude to the article.
Thunderclees: DOWN
Thunderclees: Like the proverbial clown.
MonkeyBiz: Okay. We’ll publish this. But at some point we have to write an article about Perry’s tax plan
MonkeyBiz: This must be like what being a Republican strategist feels like.
MonkeyBiz: “We need to create a coherent economic plan for the nation that’s not a rehash of 30 years of supply side economics.”
MonkeyBiz: “Fuck it. Just go out there and talk about abortion and killing brown folks.”
Thunderclees: “Hey now, if we want to carry Florida, we gotta be selective about that brown people thing.”
Thunderclees: “Ok, ok ok ok…how about, ‘The Demorats want to take your hard-earned money?'”
Thunderclees: “Love it!”
Thunderclees: “Because it’s true!”
Thunderclees: “So true.”
MonkeyBiz: “Dey terk errr jerrbs!”
Thunderclees: “They kicked his dog!”
MonkeyBiz: “No one kicks his dog and gets away with it.”
Thunderclees: So Perry’s trying to get to, what, I don’t know, Bachmann’s right? And underneath Cain’s total tax burden (9×3=math is hard)?
MonkeyBiz: I don’t know.
MonkeyBiz: I have no idea what Perry is doing
MonkeyBiz: If I had to guess, I’d bet on “floundering”.
Thunderclees: He’s gonna out-squint the field.
MonkeyBiz: You’d figure America had had enough of borderline retarded Texas Republicans.
Thunderclees: And that’s the most interesting thing about Perry to me.
Thunderclees: Early on, right after he’d announced, someone (Mike Murphy?) described him as “George W. Bush on steroids.”
Thunderclees: And ohmigodyougais it’s completely true.
Thunderclees: He’s like a jacked-up strong-side linebacker version of Dubya.
Thunderclees: Right down to the monkey faces
MonkeyBiz: Perry’s campaign / is kind of insane / *clapclapclapclap* / deep in the heart of Texas.
Thunderclees: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
MonkeyBiz: I would not be opposed to an entire Rick Perry themed “Deep In The Heart Of Texas” singalong.
Thunderclees: I’d learn the tune and lyrics just to help!
MonkeyBiz: This sounds like a plan.
MonkeyBiz: Crowdsourced Rick Perry theme song!
Thunderclees: hahahaha, this will go well
MonkeyBiz: This will go amazingly well.
And there you have it. So, CT, we need a Rick Perry-themed “Deep In The Heart Of Texas”.
