It’s been a while since I’ve done one of my Newsbunny-watches-way-too-much-television-and-gets-way-too-involved-in-commercials-roundups.
Every once in a while, commercials pop up that are just so horrific that I — am simply enchanted. I thought I had a sick mind. I do not. My mind is far more within the mainstream than I ever suspected. Or perhaps the fact that I question what is tossed before me on the screen in this manner — perhaps that means I am far more sick than the mainstream. I can no longer afford therapy. You tell me.
Ensure:
Dudes. WTF is going on inside my fucking refrigerator? I did not invite this asshole super-dom Ensure asshole in, but here he is. First off, why is he always male? Sexist. Second, why is he the only foodstuff without a face? How does he see? Does he need a seeing eye stalk of celery? Third, this looks like a fairly well-balanced refrigerator. Fruit, vegetables, few processed items. Why do we need Ensure? Why do the other food items bow down to him? Are they that desperate for leadership? Does the shape of the bottle suggest some kind of Freudian yearning the other foodstuffs weren’t aware they so desperately wanted until he showed up?
I posted about this one briefly in the Open Thread, but it’s so annoying, so I’m tossing it in even thought it’s New York-centric.
One Brooklyn Bridge Park:
Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. You are bad people. You are the type of people who never visit a dive bar and tip the bartender well because it’s beneath you. You, annoying woman, are wearing a fucking poncho. You would tell me to turn down my Alice Cooper. I hate you.
AT&T:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elguO9usN4Q
What a cunt.
Tums:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGH5nV_P1Gs
This is just disgusting.
Education Connection:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDR28lIRGZw
Again with the corn dogs. Also, if need a ‘success kit’, you were most likely born to wear a corn dog hat.
Meineke:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6Pp0FqwjE0
Let me see if I understand this. If you only have $50, Meineke’s mechanics will only fix your brakes so can drive at 25 mph max and still stop safely. If you have &150 bucks, you might be able to on the highway, but only stay in the right lane.
Arby’s:
I would not fuck this man if he were the last man on earth. The last male animal of any kind on earth.
