When I saw Apple was allowing people to view the pilot episode of Fox’s New Girl (starring forever girlchild, Zooey Deschanel) for free on iTunes, I figured I had nothing to lose by watching. I almost ended up backing out when iTunes used the word “adorkable” to describe Deschanel’s character. Adorkable? Really? Gross. Already this show is trying too hard.
New Girl is premiering later this month. Deschanel plays Jess, a woman in her late 20s who finds out her live-in boyfriend is cheating on her when she comes home early for some afternoon delight and catches the Other Woman in her home. Jess smartly decides to move out of the apartment she shares with her boyfriend and into some sort of bachelor pad with three mostly unattached guys.
Did I mention all of the guys are impossibly good looking? Because of course they are. Oh, and Jess’s best friend is a model. It should come as no surprise that when Jess innocently mentions all of her bff’s model friends will be hanging around all of the time, the guys practically order Jess to move in. Hilarious hijinks ensue while Fox encourages us to take a “fresh and outrageous look at modern male/female relationships.” Or at least all of this is what the pilot is trying to lead me to believe. I could be way off base, and Jess could be some sort of mutant alien who eats her roommates one by one for breakfast but who would suspect that because she is so tiny and cute and perky?
Okay, sadly that’s probably not what’s going to happen. This Jess role is very… Zooey Deschanel. Jess is unfunny, uncoordinated, helpless without a man to guide her, and doesn’t even know what motorboating is. She is extremely obnoxious and twee, but hangs out with this? C’mon, Fox. Just who do you think you’re kidding? In order to cope with her recent breakup, Jess watches Dirty Dancing 6 or 7 times a day. That’s almost mildly amusing, until Time of My Life starts playing over and over and over as part of a running joke. That song! I can’t stand it. And this is what Jess looks like when she cries. Unfortunately for my eyes, she spends a lot of the pilot crying.
The roommates almost make the show entertaining, but like Jess, they are too much. Too douche-y, too shout-y, too eager to take shirts off so the world can see nonexistent abs. Just too much. When Jess moves in, it is honestly like the guys have never been within 50 feet of a woman before. They 
treat her like she is an alien. It’s all very “Men are like this, women are like this.” In a scene where Jess’s smokin’ hot best friend, Cece, threatens to kill the guys if something bad happens to Jess, Captain Douche of the Roommate Squad (no, really, he spends an inordinate amount of time stuffing dollar bills into the “Douche Jar”) tells Cece he couldn’t hear a thing she said because he was staring at her boobs the whole time. We get it; boobs are fascinating. Please, keep the generic straight guy jokes coming. That won’t get old anytime soon (Spoiler alert: Yes, it will).
It’s possible the show can be saved. After all, this is just the pilot. There’s definitely room for character development. When Z.Desch is charming, she’s very charming. The writers could really do a lot with the character of Jess if they dial back her twee factor a notch or two or twelve. I spent a fair bit of the pilot covering my eyes and grimacing at all of the contrived awkwardness. I don’t know if it’s worth it to tune in and see if anything improves as the show progresses. If I’m really bored and nothing else is on I might consider giving it a second shot, but I’m not making any promises.
The series premiere of New Girl is September 20th at 9/8c on Fox. If you can’t wait, watch it for free and ASAP like I did on iTunes. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.
