It’s never good to hate, especially nerds. There’s no way you’ll ever get your computer fixed now. No, not ever. You should also think about the ramifications of hating on a millionaire nerd. Those guys basically rule the world. But really, and truly, nerd hate only hurts one person…you.
So you’re on a date with a nice guy. He’s also pretty cute. He’s a bit unassuming, you know, the quiet type. You’ve discussed your jobs, your likes, maybe even delved a little bit into discussing your family. And as you’re well aware discussing family is almost like running a film reel of some of your biggest fears. You can’t tell him about your sister’s Home Shopping Network addiction, or your mom’s collection of porcelain dolls, but you can share how great your grandma Lurlene is, because even at 82 she packs heat in her purse and Slim Jims in her pocket. But mostly, whatever little bit of crazy that resides in your family, or in you (it’s been months since you ate your hair, or licked the outside of a plastic bag) you’re just looking for the right person who can accept all of you.
Which brings us back to cutie smiling at you over your shared appetizer…you push aside whatever fears you have of that thing deep down that makes you a little strange (YUM, HAIR!) because it pales in comparison to the fact that your date has just announced that he is some sort of celebrated Grand Pooh-Bah of Pokemon. “Quelle horreur !” So what do you do? Do you get through the rest of the date and then run home and tell everyone you know how much of a nerdy dweeb this guy is? Or, perhaps you think it’s odd, but also kind of cool, because c’mon how often do you really get to meet anyone who’s a Grand Pooh-bah of anything? And besides, even if it’s not a love connection, you spent a little time with an interesting dude who can at least say he’s passionate about something in this world full of mostly zombified automatons, right? Right. But…maybe though, you run home to your laptop and proceed to write an article for a tech-based gossip site that’s just swarming with nerds about how unbelievably nerdy this guy was, and yes, ewwww, how dare he attempt to put his nerd cooties all over you!
If you answered “yes” to one or three up above, well, you’re a Nerd Hater. And that’s lame.
As time and a bunch of 1980’s movies can attest, nerd haters are the living worst. Where would you be right now without nerds? Name one modern invention that exists without the help of a nerd? That Smartphone you love so much…nerd. The Facebook account you can’t live without…nerd. Your laptop…nerd. Your iPad…nerd. Your microwave, your cable television, your hair dryer, your flat iron…nerd, nerd, nerd, NERD! There is literally nothing you can pick up, use, put on, access, or download that didn’t have a nerd somewhere involved in its creation.
Let’s just face facts, all these things our world would be so barren without are at an apex of nerddom so complete that if these folks never existed, we might as well just go outside and try to make fire with flint and a rock. Do you know how to reestablish civilization if all the nerds up and took their jetpacks and launched themselves into space one day? Can you create infrastructure, electricity, or find a way to feed and/or clothe yourself without some sort of nerdy assistance? No, I didn’t think so.
So lay off the nerds. Your life would be boring without them!
Also, if you dig deep, you know, really deep beyond your BCBG halter top and silicone inflated torso, to your true heart, you may realize that there is something you love — something you truly adore that is so entrenched in some sort of nerddom that to some other obtuse, shallow, person — there’d be no way they’d be seen with you. Love Game of Thrones? In some circles that’s decidedly nerdy. What about Harry Potter? Nerdtastic! Star Wars? Star Trek? (Original or Next Generation. All others suck!) All Nerdalicious! Vampires? Zombies? Battlestar Galactica? Pac Man? Comics? Fantasy? Goth? Math? Science? Magic: The Gathering? The Rocky Horror Picture Show? Renaissance faires? World Of Warcraft? Doctor Who? Anime? Dungeons & Dragons? Reading? Writing? Poetry? Twilight? A sure Nerd-o-palooza!
And these guys:
Whatever it is, and we bet there’s something, someone, somewhere would evaluate and not believe you think it’s “cool.” Yeah, you, Claire, with your little lipstick in your shirt trick! But you know, that’s okay, because we’re not in high school anymore. You really don’t need to worry about what small-minded people think about your hobbies. We’re all just regular folks going through our day trying to earn a living, trying to be happy, and hoping to do some things that bring us joy along the way. So stop hating on Nerds, or as I should say, people just like you and me.
Jerk Redemption:
Well, this is kind of easy. Just basically practice a little tolerance, or barring that, just keep your opinions to yourself. But if you think maybe you’re ready to take the next step, try participating in something a friend, or significant other, or relative likes that you think is entirely too nerdy to be believed. I’m not saying you have to go to Comic-Con or Dragon-Con, or any of the cons, or the next Star Trek Convention, but maybe sit in on a rousing discussion about who would win in a fight, Superman or Batman (Superman, Duh. Heat Rays.) Or perhaps read the entire Game of Thrones set of books and start a book club, or maybe just watch Revenge of the Nerds or The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters and think it’s awesome, un-ironically. But I’d dare say that if you’re even reading this, and on this site — you’re already mostly there. Nerd.
* If you’ve come in contact with a Jerk recently, and you’d like to have him or her brought up on Jerk Charges in one of these posts, just email me, at [email protected], and I’ll see to it your Jerk becomes a nominee for our “Jerk of the Week”.
