It was a night full of wobbles and bobbles, and Katie Holmes’ emaciated arms! Are you excited? This is very nearly it. The end. Is it anybody’s game, or is there a clear frontrunner?
Let’s see what the night brought.
Is Cat getting married? No? Okay, then why does she have on half a Vera Wang dress with obvious wedding hair. Seriously, there are up-dos and there is wedding hair and Cat definitely had the latter, plus a blushing bride deep red lip. It was like a commercial for brides showcasing fragrances from the Estee Lauder octogenarian perfume collection. It was delightfully horrible like a stiff, starched table-cloth with diamond encrusted crunch berries splattered across the bodice like bejeweled forensics. Fabulous.
We’re at the finale finally. Do you feel a bit spent by it all? I do. These last couple of weeks have certainly felt like we’re pushing the dance cart up the hill instead of gliding down on it. Well, to help us judge the final night’s steady climb, who has Nigel called to offer sage words of wisdom? Well, that would be Dirty Dancing choreographer, and subsequent Dirty Dancing remake ruiner, Kenny Ortega, and an excised Tom Cruise pinky toe named Katie Holmes. Just what in the world?! This is the finale of the best live dance competition on television and you give us Katie “Grimacing Smirk Face” Holmes, who by the way looks like she needs some fat injected into her wrist bones. Sheesh. Does Scientology have a rule against sustenance? Anyway, whatever, smirking Joey Potter sans Dawson, Kenny, Mary, with a weave of unbelievable dimensions, and Nigel “Cat Daddy,” will be offering strange platitudes to our four stars in what has to be the most tiring, exhaustive, barely twitching on the floor finale show ever.
And so it begins.
Marko and Melanie
Dancing disco to a Doriana Sanchez routine, this thing looked like Marko was trying to drag a log across a finish line. It was labored, lumbering, and altogether unimpressive. Now, I don’t want to critique disco too harshly…but yeah, disco. I’m not a huge fan of this genre on the show any longer. It was cute back in the Dominic and Sabra days, now it just seems sorely out of date. The further along we get the more old and sluggish this thing feels, and Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” just has to be the most dragging song ever. So much so that when the routine itself started to drag, the music almost wound down with it like it was played on an old Victrola. You saw the effort with every lift and with every breath. The judges seemed generally befuddled by how they were supposed to respond. Like, “Oh, my god! Melanie was kind of sucky in this! Do we say it? Do we?!” Katie stared blankly for a moment and then complimented them as dancers. Kenny, just happy to be there, I suppose, said it was “fun.” Only Mary and Nigel seemed confident enough to say that it was “uncomfortable” and a “struggle.” Yes, quite, with some “bad” and “awful” added by Spirit Fingers.
Sasha and Mark
Well, what do you think? Would this Sonya Tayeh routine be about a strong woman breaking the bonds holding her? Yep. Sonya says she tailor made this routine for Sasha to symbolize breaking through obstacles, or some such Rah-Rah-Thrusting-Fists thing. This was a good number and we see how far Mark, now Lady Gaga’s principal dancer, has grown from those first awkward routines on this show when he looked like a bird on amphetamines. However, it was hard to keep Sasha in focus while she danced with such a professional, but she managed to hold her own, even though some of the routine was a bit tight and stiff, and not as fluid we’ve come to expect from her. There wasn’t enough abandon in there for me, but she executed it well and held on to her “Warrior Princess” status. I’m not sure if I like this depiction totally, since I fully think Sasha has the ability to be soft and delicate if the performance calls for it. But this was an ode to her power in the competition. We find out that she has an injury she’s fighting through and surely exhaustion may be the other culprit for the lower Sasha wattage. Regardless, Mary still gave her a woo-hoo, and Nigel said she threw down the gauntlet. Kenny gushed and Katie ate her hair. Spirit thought it was well done. Did it knock my socks off? No.
Tadd and Joshua
Yay! We get to see Joshua again. Do we get any answers to where he’s been for the last four years? No, not at all. These former contestants…if they’re not wearing bondage for Lady Gaga than they’re in relative obscurity until Nigel calls and dusts them off the book shelf, winds them up, and they get to play All-Star. Right? Right. Anyway they did a crump-hop dance to “Hussle Hard,” choreographed by Lil C. Were we happy to see Joshua dancing again? Yes. Did he bring the “hard guttah” to the routine? Yes, definitely. Did Tadd? Nope. Firstly, the puffy vest just completely swallowed him whole. And his cute, smirking face, couldn’t find its way to a grimace if he tried. Which basically meant that he wasn’t really feeling the routine. It looked like he and Joshua were doing the steps across the room from one another. There was nothing for the other to feed off of. And if Josh was an actual contestant he would have eaten Tadd alive in this. So Tadd should be glad for that! The judges just kind of blew this one off, talked about his shoes, and giggled with Cat. Not sure what to make of this regarding judging.
Melanie and Robert
We’ve got a lot of dances to discuss so I’m just going to say that this one was just okay. Yes, sure she was pretty, and he was hunky, and they were beautiful dancing to a Stacey Tookey contemporary routine, but really we’ve seen this nearly a dozen times this season. Angst, angst, breathless holds, emotion in the face, lovely, soft, lovely, lovely. Yes, that’s fine. But did it really wow us for a finale routine? Nah. It was pretty perfunctory, but it did earn Nigel’s comment about Melanie taking the gauntlet and putting it right back in Sasha’s hand. And then for some unknown reason, we’re now discussing the Dirty Dancing reboot with Kenny Ortega. Jennifer Gray’s nose and I both feel that this is a bad decision.
Sasha and Marko
I disagree with Nigel! This routine was cool and funky, and there were times when Sasha so much embodied that complete slinky, vampy spirit it was unreal. I think their connection was good. They were both acting. It was a well-executed, charming number. It was no less interesting than that soft focus fluff Melanie had just performed. Did it sing and sizzle? For me, much more so than a lot that was on that stage last night. It may not be the best compliment since it was a bit of a lackluster evening, but I definitely think it was a high point. The judges though, with the exception of Nigel Scrooge McDuck, gushed about Marko’s transformation. Katie Holmes said just above a whisper that Sasha looked like Cyd Charisse, and said that she loved when Marko jumped up….er, because jumping up is impressive? Anyway, a fine job by them both…and then…
Tadd and Sasha
…rolled out a dead fish and laid it on the stage. This cha-cha was one of the worst things this whole season. Worse than the first week. Worse than Vegas Week. Sorry, it was just passionless and poorly executed. There were missed connections and clumsy footwork. It just looked like they were tired, wanted to get through it, and thought to themselves, “Just what the hell are the steps in this thing?! Do you remember, Tadd?” and Tadd says, “No, but I’m going to keep smiling.” And that is pretty much what happened. The judges with the exception of Katie, who is physically unable from saying anything negative, agreed that it was horrible. Kenny Ortega put the best spin on it possible. “Look at me. Look at me. Let it go. Turn around. Walk off. Come back on and blow us away.”
Marko and Lauren
New choreographer, Tessandra Chavez, threw down her own gauntlet in this stirring contemporary routine. Now this is what you think when you think finale. It hit all the right notes. The emotion, the dancing, the effortless passion, the heartfelt pangs of longing…all were represented. It was a great work that showcased both dancers strengths. Lauren has really improved by leaps and bounds. I was a little nonplussed with her as a winner last season, but now it looks like she really earned it. Marko must knew that everything was coming down to the wire, so he put it all out on the floor here. Perhaps he knew what was to come, or maybe he just really connected with this piece. Either way, it worked for him spectacularly. The judges were equally affected. Mary especially who captured the moment the most aptly, “You’ve been given a second chance in life, and I can feel that you’re not going to waste any bit of it. It’s such a beautiful thing.”
Tadd and Melanie
Ray Leeper’s jazz routine also wasn’t much of a standout. As the evening wound on I was a little dismayed by the very many new choreographers they used in the finale. Seems like this isn’t the best time to throw new people in the mix. Yes, I know diversity is good, but at this stage of the game, I’d rather not see risky and/or just okay choreography. It’s the finale for gosh sakes. I’d like for my socks to be knocked off, not feeling like I can go to the fridge while a performance is happening. And, yeah, that’s what this was. The judges made some praise-like utterances…you know, “Melanie, you’re great.” and “Tadd, this is totally out of your style. Fabulous.”
Sasha and Melanie
In a hit or miss finale episode, this routine by Stacey Tookey was a definite hit. It struck just the right notes of emotion, pain, and artistry. This is the type of fearless, woman-centric choreography I wished Sonya Tayeh did more of. You get the emotion of it without forcing it. Power doesn’t have to be so overt, it can be more subtle, and a story of trying to overcome odds doesn’t mean that you beat everyone in the room. Personally, this resonated more with me than the Sonya piece that was “an ode to Sasha.” Well done, Stacey. Melanie was magnificent as usual. In a pretty thin night of wow, this was one of the better performances.
Marko and Tadd
Ooomph. And now all the exhaustion has finally come a head and landed in this goofy step routine. Oh, gosh, was it bad. It wasn’t synchronized, and it looked like they were just stomping around up there off-beat. We get it. It’s been a long night…hell, a long season! And by this time in the evening having already performed two performances and a solo, this was like doing that final lap, and there just wasn’t enough left in the tank. Too bad the final performance was an intricate step routine that just depends on timing. Again, there was no real reason to just bring out this risky style at the very end. Unfairly, or fairly, I dunno…Nigel just turned up his nose and made the harshest comment of the entire night. He said from the beginning he thought a girl would win and after what he’d seen…he believes that still to be true. Well, dayum, Nigel! Way to just tell everyone on that stage, “Sorry, boys, pack it in.” However, what we’ve learned is that when Nigel makes these pronouncements it usually means the opposite will occur, right?
So what do you think? Who’s going to win it all? Melanie, with her continued brilliance? Sasha, the brilliant spitfire? Marko, the technician? or Tadd, the personality champ? Well, we’ll see.
