I promised to compile the results of the bad song contest last week. I apologize, but someone with bad judgment actually paid me to write some stuff. Sorry for the delay.
I would like to formally apologize for nominating “MacArthur Park”. DancingQueen and WaysOWhiteFolks took me aside and explained why this nomination was inappropriate. I now see the errors of my ways.
Really, there is only one clear winner and that is “We Built This City” by Starship. Personally, I’d prefer listening to all the other bad songs that were nominated on a repeating loop for a year than to hear “We Built This City.” I’m not alone. Anyone who was conscious in the late 1980s heard this song ad nauseum. Sometimes, local radio stations would even dub their own voiceover onto the song. It was a terrible, terrible time.
I’m going to crown Homoviper the winner based on the sheer number of terrible songs he unearthed.– It included Tesla, a band some girls I knew in high school claimed was brilliant but unappreciated. He also nominated Barbie Girl. He also dug up “You’re Having My Baby” which I believe can induce a miscarriage. Homoviper, you are the Encyclopedia Brown of terrible songs. I can’t post them all here due to the number, but it’s worth looking at the comment thread. http://crasstalk.com/2011/08/bad-song-contest/
Honorable Mentions:
DontMakeMe nominated a song called “Photograph” by Nickleback. If it continues to be played frequently, I think it could give “We Built This City” a run for its money.
Ross nominated a song called “Doomsday” or maybe it was “Friday”. I can’t remember. The video looked familiar. I’m pretty sure it’s a Noxzema commercial.
AchillesElbow nominated “Miracles” by ICP. This is a beautifully ridiculous song in which some self-proclaimed social outcasts attempt to be philosophical. I frankly can’t believe this “band” is still around. Those guys have got to be pushing 45. They were around back when I went to clubs all the time. Gramps, it’s time to stop rapping and look into managing your cholesterol.
Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up was nominated by NotSoDeepSouth but it won a reprieve by making Bill O’Reilly have a tantrum on camera. Every time I hear that song, I have happy memories of watching Bill freak.
Blix nominated a song called “Honey” by Bobby Goldsboro. All I can say about this song is WTF?
That creepy sixteen year old married to her grandfather has a song out and it got plenty of votes. However, I refuse to encourage her shenanigans by mentioning her by name.
Be sure to sit down and watch all these videos so you can experience the hell I went through in writing this article. Then, please feel free to discuss how wrong I am about any or all of these songs. Except for “We Built This City”. It really is the worst song ever.
