Raise a glass to our first Project Runway liveblog!
Oh well look who showed up! I hope you’re sharing that wine, hmmm? Because I’m drunk and almost out of wine and need you to share with me. Come on, be a friend.
I am leading the liveblog tonight but liveblogging duties will be rotating between two of our divine CT ladies, Dancing Queen and Missing Piece, and myself. Please don’t tell us which one is your favorite. Be a diplomat! Say, oh all three of you are fantastic. Like that time you had to pretend you didn’t have a favorite parent/sibling/child. You know what to do.
The Casting Special starts at 7 pm CT (I’m in Chicago so all times listed will be Central DEAL WITH IT), and Project Runway itself will start at 8 pm CT and will last 90 minutes. See you then!
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6:04 – Testing, testing! I’m drinkin’ some Sutter Home riesling and watching Wretchen unfairly win last season’s top prize. (Don’t mock my wine choice–it has a twist top and is on sale for $5 this month at CVS.) I’ve learned that sometimes I forget that Michael Kors is the same color as generic orange drink.
6:13 – OBLIGATORY MONDO WAS ROBBED COMMENT.
6:15 – Remember how they bitched Mondo out for that polka dot dress? Well I’ve always thought it was beautiful as is. UNRELATED: My Tumblr followers said that I should up my fashion ante so I did. Lipstick is pinker than it appears.
6:26 – Andy’s Bryant Park line was just terrible, right? No one actually likes his line, right? RIGHT?
6:44 – My mantra of What Would Nina Garcia Do? does not apply to the season 8 decision. Harumph.
6:58 – I’m taking a huge swig of my $5 wine to clear my palate of Wretchen. I love Tim Gunn’s “Wow. Wow wow wow wow wow.” You know that was just his way of coping with his intense WTF feelings inside.
7:01 – Are they trying to give us the Crazy Audition montage, a la American Idol? No mas, PR. NO MAS.
7:03 – I don’t know why or how, but I adore her crazy balloon pocket pants.
7:05 – I don’t like Julie at all. I don’t give a damn if you don’t like me because I’m a Pretty Pretty Princess (I am!). You’re a fashion designer, bitch. You make clothes for vain ass people. I don’t care for your faux crunchy granola shtick.
7:08 – I like Viktor more now that I know his ears raise when he smiles.
7:10 – Anya is my personal Jesus. That black and white dress she’s wearing is TDF (To Die For, get to know it, use it, love it).
7:11 – My chickens, pray the the gods of Lifetime that we will be spared the Zooey Deschanel cotton commercials from last season.
7:15 – Bryce looks like a dude I know, except the dude I know isn’t gay. Yeah. Bryce brings the Gaga and I like that.
7:17 – LOL RAFAEL KILLS ME even though he went through a lot of tough shit apparently but really guys, god damn.
7:22 – I would rock the SHIT out of Bert’s hooded dress with some bright blue or turquoise heels. His back-story makes me want to cry. How sad and sweet. Now I love him the most.
7:28 – I may have had too much wine already because now my eyes heart and I want to tell you all how much I love you. let’s hope I don’t make any embarrassing confessions tonight. (Get it together girl, we’re talking about fashunz and reality sewtestants.)
7:30 – Kimberly, I am always excited to see big bold yellow. I kind of love her, especially because I know she’ll be treated like shit by the other designers for being self-taught. Underdog love! AMURIKA!!!
7:33 – Oh no Creepy Prairie lady. Are they throwing all of the self-taught designers in one segment? I kind of want to stomp her with a stiletto. Is that wrong? I bet she would whimper, “I wish you wouldn’t do that.”
7:41 – Those brows ain’t right, Joshua. They. Ain’t. Right.
7:42 – Why are the editors grouping together all of the “types”?? Self-taughts here, menswear here. Good thing y’all did that, because we viewers are fucking stupid.
7:43 – ATTN!! Joshua C is this season’s straight dude. Though he is a Mormon, so you know. You know.
7:45 – Tim Gunn, you are too good for those hideous pinstripes. Stop it. You know better.
7:47 – “Dirty Carnival Look”–You’ve won me over. Bring on the stink and weird carnie diseases!
7:50 – Amanda Perna is totally Chuck, right?
7:56 – Yesssss Ke$ha commercial!
7:58 – Danielle?
8:00 – Oh you’re going to shake things up? I’m so shocked! Shocked, I say!
8:02 – Fuck, why didn’t I think of working out in a sequin tank top? Damn you Kimberly. Damn you!
8:05 – Heidi would love a “boob window.” Who else would appreciate a boob window?
8:06 – “I was inspired by cocoons.” I was inspired by cocoons.
8:10 – Oh honey, Nina doesn’t talk sex with her eyes ever. With anyone. It just can’t be.
8:12 – If they don’t let Bert through, I will cut all of the bitches.
8:12 – Anthony, AKA UniNut, AKA Colorless, is wearing a mystery animal scarf. Also this pre-competition reminds me too much of ANTM. Don’t fall down the Tyra route, Heidi. You are too good for that.
8:23 – So our first four that are Auf’d arrrrre: David (robbed!), Gunnar (NOOOOOO!!!! THAT NAME!!!!), Amanda (Meh OK), and Serena. I really liked Serena a lot. What a god damn bummer, guys.
8:25 – Whenever Heidi does that wacked-out wide eyed face of hers, my heart sings.
8:26 – Yes Josh C., you’ll never be the same. The geighs will change youuuuuu.
8:27 – There is no way anyone can get me out of my apartment without a bra. Would never fucking happen in a million years. I’d shank Tim Gunn for this, and I adore Tim Gunn.
8:30 – Going home on one of the Use-The-Clothes-Off-Your-Back challenges is the worst because not only do you get sent home, but you have to ruin one of your outfits forever.
8:37 – There need not be a twist to this. This is the twist. Tim Gunn, don’t prove me wrong.
8:38 – Feathers are a bad idea, like, 90% of the time, Anthony. And Fallene sounds like Phalange.
8:40 – Anya is my magical unicorn fashion muse. MARRY ME, ANYA. We can have an open relationship.
8:42 – If Rafael wants to stay in the game, he needs to throw his fab headscarf into that outfit somehow, rip his scrub sleeve off and wrap that shit around his head instead. Bitch, don’t send yourself home!
8:46 – OK guys, let’s take an informal poll: Which contestant will be the first to invoke “Old Hollywood Glamour” this season?
8:48 – “Are you speaking foreign?”
8:50 – I think I caught one of Tim Gunn’s blown kisses! Do I win everything?
8:51 – Look’s like Tim’s outfit was inspired by Our Beloved Bert’s design.
8:55 – This Jennifer Hudson Weight Watchers commercial sounds suspiciously like one of those awful ASPCA sad animal commercials.
8:57 – Heidi your dress is great but yo hair is greezy.
8:58 – Michael Kors is significantly less Fanta this year!
5:59 -Anthony: Kind of boring. Laura: Those pants are heinous.
9:00 – Prairie chick’s outfit is kind of Star Trek chic and I love it. Viktor’s is like a faux futuristic WWII bride. Becky’s is surprisingly cute.
9:00 – I’d wear the shit out of Bryce’s design. Those sleeves! The slutty skirt! I love it. Anya’s is kind of fab!
9:01 – At least Julie knows her look is a hot mess. Go home.
9:01 – Olivier’s is interesting, I think he’ll make some really great things. Kimberly’s ain’t right either but I’m hoping she won’t go home tonight. Anthony’s is perfect. I’d wear that.
9:02 – Oh hell no Rafael. Fallene’s is beautiful but that puking clown makes me sad because clowns are terrifyinggggg whyyyyy
9:03 – Bert’s is maybe the best so far.
9:04 – Josh C.: Designing for the Mormon Ho. Cecelia! That is VULGAR! Are you crazy!? You won’t win this!
9:05 – I’m surprised Kimberly wasn’t in the bottom 3. And Prairie Bitch is a bitch, eh? Who woulda thunk it?
9:08 – Alright, before we get the judges’ responses—who’s in and who is OUT?
9:12 – Anthony Ryan: I forgot he was colorblind! That makes this outfit even more impressive. Rafael’s outfit is unflattering and overdone. “Flintstone disco pouch.” Oh Kors, I’ve missed you!
9:13 – Julie’s outfit looks like a 15 year old’s first rave outfit.
9:14 – Anya’s not just a pretty hairdo’ guys. Hell yeah.
9:16 – Bert’s dress is beyond, guys. Just beyond. Everything about it is purr purr purrfect. I know that if I wore this, my boyfriend would want to eat it off of me.
9:16 – Mormon Secret Gay’s design screams that cheap teen girl mall store. Mine was called Rave!
9:19 – Honestly, the bottom three is so horrid I don’t know how they’ll choose who to send home. I propose a fashion cage match.
9:22 – Alright gang, who do you think is going home? Who wins?
9:26 – I think it’ll be Anthony for the win and Rafael for the Auf.
9:27 – Bert wins! I’m wrong, but still happy. What a rarity!
9:29 – Oh Bryce, how gracious of you to rescind your ageism.
9:30 – I think Julie’s was the worst, honestly. But OK. Rafael’s out. What a bummer! I was looking forward to at least two or three episodes of Rafael-related LULZ.
9:31 – AND THEN THE HAIRRRRR IS CRAZZZZYY. Dudes. Everyone! Relax.
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I’d like to thank you bitches for joining me in this liveblog. Y’all are awesome and hilarious. And those pants look great on you. xox
