Comic-Con how-to guides for what to see and where to go abound. A lot of them will give you great advice for food, clothing, sights and sounds. This is not that kind of guide.
You see, one of the things people never address is the behavior of some of the convention goers. The vast majority of the people at Comic-Con are excited fans and are genuinely enthusiastic about the presentations given.
Then there are the handful who try to ruin it for everyone else. You know the ones: This guy. Every Con has one: the guy who leaves his basic human dignity at the door and decides to do something dickish. I’ve wanted to write something for a while that would serve as a basic primer to Wheaton’s Law.
No good primer would be complete without an embarrassing admission: I am guilty of one the things in this list.
For now lets lets set up the three basic guidelines for the NBA Rules of Comic-Con: Not Being an Asshole:
- Don’t Be Creepy
- Don’t be “That Guy”
- Be honest
Today I’d like to talk about the first Guideline:
Don’t Be Creepy
Boy where to begin. I know one of the thrills of going to this convention, as opposed to many other smaller ones, is the caliber of panelists it gets. Let’s face it, I’m never going to meet Angelina Jolie in person without an immediate nutpunch and a restraining order. <– See that there. That’s a joke made on the internet for a giggle. In no way shape or form do I intend to stalk the actress. In fact I’m not all that attracted to Mrs. Jolie, except for about 20 minutes in Gia but then again who wasn’t:
It’s helpful for everyone at Comic-Con to remember that this is who she goes home to every night:
The problem is that some people go to panels with the assumption that whatever is floating in their head about a celebrity is true. We tend to forget that for the most part, they are working professionals who are there as part of a marketing / press junket. Sure they’ll banter a bit, but they are not there to be your friend; they are working, and women hate to be sexually harassed at work.
So Rule #1 for not being creepy is:
Don’t ask the celebrity on a date at a panel.
Here is a list of actresses I have seen asked out in the past 5+ years: Megan Fox, Emily Blunt, Blake Lively, Zoe Saldana, three cast members from Battlestar Galactica, two cast members from LOST and Kate Beckensale.
For the most part they were handled the way you would explain to a child why there is a Santa Claus costume in the attic. Two of these, however deserve a little more attention. The person asking out Megan Fox did it in a way that may have become a cautionary tale for young actresses asked to appear at Comic-con: the boy pulled out a flip-cam (more on this later), called her a prostitute, and asked her if she’d like to have a 3-way. You might think this is funny if you are a frequent commenter on People.com; it’s not so funny when 5,000 of your peers are ready to take turns teaching you some manners. I’ve never been that angry in a panel, not just because of the rudeness, but because this gets paid forward. People don’t really think about the consequences of their actions in the future, and this will be one of the incidents that gets told to actresses, agents and other marketers. Real funny, Asshat.
Asshat (n): if you need it explained to you, you probably are one.
On the opposite end of the spectrum is the best and funniest handling of an unwanted advance I’ve ever seen: Kate Beckinsale being asked out on a date by a 3rd level Super Saiyan (I know it’s “Super Saiyan Dai San Dankai” shut up nerd!). This happened during a panel in 2005 for the movie Underworld-the-second-movie-about-vampires-and-werewolves-that-isn’t-Twilight. People were awed by the spectacle of Our Hero asking Ms. Beckinsale if she would ever want to go out with a guy like him, specifically him.
She gamely tried to answer in the vein of “Yes Timmy there is a Santa Claus, but sometimes he needs help delivering presents to all the girls and boys” when the director of said opus (also, incidentally, her husband) interrupted to explain the problem with said invitation: “You might have a better chance without the costume.” He even had the temerity to ask what kind of costume it was!
Instead of doing what every other human being on the planet would have done in that situation (being shot down and called out in front of 5,000 people) and, you know, running away crying, he stood there and explained the costume. I don’t think it improved his chances, but it did entertain. Boy did it entertain.
In conclusion: If you have a friend who thinks Notting Hill “could happen” DON’T LET THEM GO UP TO ASK A QUESTION.
Do we get Rule #1? Great! let’s talk a bit about Rule #2.
Don’t Confuse Actors with their Roles
What do Michael C. Hall, Bruce Campbell, and Roland Emmerich have in common?
If you are running to IMDB to figure that out, let me stop you. It turns out they are all magicians. You see, they are so good at what they do that they’ve convinced people who watch their craft that they are their characters.I’ll explain the Emmerich one, but first lets talk about Michael C. Hall and the Dexter panel.
Michael C Hall is a good actor, he might even be a great actor. I haven’t made up my mind. Primarily because the only thing I’ve ever seen him in is Dexter. I’ll admit, it’s a fantastic show. Any show about a serial killer that can pull in people who are phobic about blood is doing something right. I’m not the only one. The Dexter panel is one of the most popular panels at Comic-Con, and I will never go to it again. No, it’s not because of the divorce from Jennifer Carpenter (how could you!), or Julie Benz’s exit (why!). It’s because the people who line up to ask questions consist of two kinds of creepy people: People who think Michael C. Hall IS Dexter, and people who want tips from Michael C. Hall on how to BE Dexter.
There are two things that Mr. Hall does every year at the Dexter panel at Comic-Con: he eats everybody’s Hershey’s Kisses (seriously dude, buy a sandwich for the drive down), and he repeats “I don’t know how to properly dispose of a victim because I am not a serial killer. I’m an actor playing a part.” There I just gave you this year’s panel and saved you $105 to boot!
Bruce Campbell is awesome. I’ll admit I’m a fanboy who has loved him since Evil Dead and would kill for his wit, and his humor. He’s also fantastic on every panel and banters with his fans in a way that steals the show from the other panelists.
He’s also a happily married man and has been for 20 years. I mention this because he’s told me (and by extension everyone else at any of his panels) about 500 times. You see, he gets typecast as a womanizer. And why not, he’s got the best chin in Hollywood, bedroom eyes and a velvety voice that makes the ladies go weak in the knees … so I’ve been told.
So every time he talks on his Burn Notice panel, inevitably someone will ask him why he doesn’t settle down. To which he happily explains, well, I don’t want repeat it again. And then, not five minutes later, someone else asks him the same thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if his next panel started with a collage of wedding photos. It probably wouldn’t help.
Roland Emmerich isn’t an actor, but his fans apparently think he’s holding onto secret knowledge that is given to him by the Templars, the Illuminati and possibly the Triads. How do I know? I don’t. But when the 2012, the movie panel came out, a cute little boy asked him how much he actually knew about 2012, the Apocalypse, and how accurate 2012, the movie, was going to be. It was amusing, and everyone had a good giggle.
Then the “normal” looking adult behind the kid said. “I know you don’t want to tell the kid about 2012 [the Apocalypse], but seriously dude, what do you know?” There were 3 more in the line trying to weasel more information out of Mr. Emmerich. About 2012, the Apocalypse, not the movie. By the way, Mr. Emmerich didn’t reveal his sources. Jerk. I mean, what’s the worst the Mayans can do to him? He’s already made 2012, the movie.
In conclusion: if you have a friend who doesn’t know the actor’s name on a panel, but calls them by his character’s name instead, DON’T LET THEM GO UP TO ASK A QUESTION.
Lastly I’d like to end the first part with an embarrassing admission: I’ve been creepy to a celebrity at Comic-Con. Lets call this rule:
An Open Letter of Apology to Zachary Levi, and by extension, Yvonne Strahovski
or
How to approach a celebrity in the wild.
I’ll start this section not by talking about bad behavior I’ve seen before in others, but highlighting good and bad behavior I’ve committed.
Harry Knowles is a great guy to talk to, whatever your feelings about his website or his reviews. I had a great conversation at a Con, with both of us gushing over a display from Avatar a couple years back and even took a couple of pictures for him with his camera, and asked him to take a couple with my phone. I didn’t take a picture with him because I didn’t know who he was until I saw him hosting a panel later that evening. Because of that, it was a pleasant experience, and I think that’s the way you should treat anyone you see at Comic-Con outside of a panel.
Think about it. If that were the case, most celebrities who wanted to see the booths could walk without fear of somebody doing something incredibly stupid. I’ve seen a couple of people in costume that I’ve recognized and have kept my mouth shut. Not because I didn’t want to interact, but because I knew if I did, somebody else might walk up behind me and start a scene. It heartens me that the things I gush over are universal, and I wouldn’t want someone to spoil it for me.
Now that I’ve said that, let me ruin it by telling my example of fanboy stupidity:
I want you to put yourself in the shoes of Zachary Levi. It’s 2008, and you’ve just hosted your second Chuck panel. It was great, the show is doing well, and you are on a post-panel high. Hell, you had celebrities from other shows sitting in the audience laughing! You’ve decided to walk across the street from the ‘Con and sit outside at the Hard Rock, enjoy a cold beer, and talk to people walking back to their hotels on a Saturday night. Life is good.
So here come a couple of people. One is an attractive blonde, and the other (me) is kind of a short, youngish Danny Devito looking nerd. You see them stop, as they’ve recognized you, and the blonde asks for a photograph. SCORE! Devito takes the photo and comes in to shake your hand. You probably think this is going to be a pleasant experience. It’s going to be awkward.
You see Devito is a fan. In any other situation, he’d be be happy to talk to you about your mutual interests, primarily gaming and 80’s games-related trivia. He’s a little nervous about meeting you, however, so when you go in for the very gregarious handshake, the only thing he can think to say is, “Hey, good job on the show. Your co-star is really hot.”
*cue sad trombone*
Yeah, Devito can see you are weirded out and decides this would be a good time to leave. You quickly go inside, so you don’t see Devito get punched in the arm hard by the blonde as she screams, “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!”
… end scene.
I don’t have a good answer, except that I make a really bad Con wingman. The blonde now takes my fiancée to meet celebrities and leaves me sitting in the panels. I’ve met people before and since, and the only thing I can think of is I was genuinely nervous about meeting you, Zachary Levi, and I’m really sorry. No, really. I’m sorry, man.
It’s nerve-wracking meeting people when you are an actual fan. I don’t have any advice, other than maybe keep your mouth shut, ask for a photo, and smile if you get one.
Tomorrow I’ll go over part how not to be “That Guy”
