After making a serious flub and mangling American history for all to see, you would think that a person would keep quiet, and you know, maybe let the story just fade into the ether without further comment or display of utter, complete asinine commentary. But, well, that wouldn’t be the Sarah Palin that we all know and love. No sirree. The Sarah Palin rule of thumb is to stick to your story no matter how silly, and hope all the magical beans and dumbfuckery that exists on Wikipedia will carry you through the embarrassing irony of speaking wrongly about historic America while you have the Constitution emblazoned on the side of your bus of miraculous stupid.
Paul Revere would like to have a word.
We know that Paul Revere’s ride was not about “warning the British that they weren’t going to be taking away our arms, by ringing those bells and making sure as he was riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free,” as is suggested by Ms. Palin.
But Sarah, Duchess of Poppycock, maintains that this is exactly what happened all those generations ago. On Fox News Sunday she sat down with Chris Wallace — who looked so amused by the whole thing he almost grew a red nose and an orange wig — and defended her statements by claiming that she did not “mess up” and that she knows her American History. Do you, Sarah? Really? Are you sure? Because we’ve got Zombie Paul Revere right here who says otherwise.
Reading from his letter written in about 1798, Zombie Paul with the help of FactCheck.Org states that he rode to warn fellow rebels, Samuel Adams and John Hancock, that the British were coming to arrest them. It is so writ:
On Tuesday evening, the 18th, it was observed, that a number of Soldiers were marching towards the bottom of the Common. About 10 o’Clock, Dr. Warren Sent in great haste for me, and beged that I would imediately Set off for Lexington, where Messrs. Hancock & Adams were, and acquaint them of the Movement, and that it was thought they were the objets.
You see, nowhere does it mention Revere firing any shots or ringing any bells. In fact, if anyone rang any bells, it was Captain Isaac Hall, commander of Medford’s minutemen. He triggered the town’s alarm system to alert the townspeople that the British were coming.
It is true that we stockpiled arms and gunpowder at Concord, and British Gen. Thomas Gage had orders to arrest Adams and Hancock, but had decided to seize and destroy the arms as well, but the militia alerted by Revere confronted the British at the battles of Lexington and Concord, and the arms were moved by the Americans before Gage could find them.
Zombie Paul does admit to being captured by the British at the tail end of his ride and under coercion telling them that, “There would be five hundred Americans there in a short time, for I had alarmed the Country all the way up.” But this is a far cry from Palin’s statement to Wallace:
He warned the Americans that the British were coming, the British were coming, and they were going to try take our arms and we got to make sure that we were protecting ourselves and shoring up all of ammunitions and our firearms so that they couldn’t take it. But remember that the British had already been there, many soldiers for seven years in that area. And part of Paul Revere’s ride — and it wasn’t just one ride — he was a courier, he was a messenger. Part of his ride was to warn the British that we’re already there. That, hey, you’re not going to succeed. You’re not going to take American arms. You are not going to beat our own well-armed persons, individual, private militia that we have. He did warn the British.
Zombie Paul says that he was still in British custody when the first shots were fired at Lexington, “which appeared to alarm them very much.”
So to sum up, Palin never mentions Samuel Adams or John Hancock, or that Revere never stated to anyone about the British taking firearms, or that there was no “Revere Bravado” that “warned” the British that America would kick ass in some Sly Stallone Rambo action movie voice. Clearly Palin has perfected the “Telephone Game” and has decided to use it as a debate strategy…only no one else is playing with her. The game just continues in her own head.
Source: Huffington Post. Photo via The Business Insider
