Seriously. What. The. Hell. My staple for years was to go to the store, spend hours trying to decide which DVD/VHS tape my dad would appreciate the most that year. I was the king of figuring out what movie each person in my family needed to see for every holiday. I learned better. This is why you don’t buy your Dad a movie on Father’s Day.
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
The movie you’re watching: A laid back, dark comedy that has a quiet edginess that you have come to embody. You see poignant characters and interactions with some pretty fucking decent cinematography and locations. An oddball picture that makes you care very much about a ridiculous revenge tale and what happens in increasingly bizarre situations.
As a Father’s day gift the only thing he’s going to hear is: Bill Murray saying, “I always hated fathers and never wanted to be one.”
Little Miss Sunshine
The movie you’re watching: A good, human comedy. It’s gracefully written and supports an extremely varied ensemble cast. The family is probably a bit more dysfunctional than yours, but it’s still close enough to home to mean something. Also, who the fuck doesn’t love a VW bus?
As a Father’s day gift all your dad is thinking, “Why the fuck did I pay for all those piano/ballet/sports/bullshit lessons just to have my kid turn out to be a pretentious prick who thinks I would enjoy this crap?”
Pulp Fiction
The movie you’re watching: A story about redemption and love. You’ve got Bruce Willis, Samuel L., and John Travolta all running around being fucking badasses. Arguably one of the best movies of an entire decade. You’re seeing everything awesome about Tarantino and none of the shit that sucks.
As a Father’s day gift your dad is seeing that Marcellus Wallace really does look like a bitch towards the end.
You Kill Me
The movie you’re watching: A dramedy about an alcoholic hitman. How could dad not love this? Drinking interferes with the work, haha, great. Let’s send a stereotypical Polack to stereotypical San Francisco. It’s not great, but it’s definitely not bad and it’s short enough to hold Dad’s attention span. It’s not something he’s seen before and it’s got a cast to die for.
On Father’s Day all your dad is going to think is, “God damn if I can’t get a chick 25 years younger than me too.”
Stardust
The movie you’re watching: A whimsical coming of age tale about love, life and how far one will go to enjoy either. It’s got sky pirates and kings, unicorns and witches, magical stars and beautiful women. The movie has everything going for it and could be exactly what your dad wants to watch to relax and get lost in a world of wonder.
As a father’s day gift, you dad will spend the entire day wondering whether his life went wrong at the exact same point as when Robert DeNiro decided to play a gay sky pirate.
The Station Agent
The move you’re watching: Peter Dinklage does an outstanding job portraying an emotional journey of one man’s life in modern society. It’s a story centered on finding one’s place after trying to start anew. It’s about being an adult and having to question how you’ve always felt. It’s about unrealized fears and uncertainties that sit just below a person’s skin all throughout their lives.
On Father’s Day your dad is just glad there’s a midget out there whose life is worse than his.
Basically, what I’m trying to say here is this: it doesn’t matter what you get your dad. He doesn’t care what it is; he probably doesn’t even give a damn if he gets a present. What he does care about is spending a little bit of time with you. Whether it’s in person or on the phone, just find a few minutes to bullshit with the man or just say “Thanks for everything, Dad.” He’ll appreciate that more than anything else.
Featured Image, All others from IMDB
