Oh, you.
Yes, you, with the medicine chest bursting with lotions, potions, notions and cosmeceuticals you couldn’t possibly use in one lifetime on one face. You with the basket of Kiehl’s samples slopping over onto a tray on the bathroom counter. You, straight dude, with 10 bottles of cologne that you can’t bear to part with even though you wear only two of them.
Hai! I am Teh Prezident of Ur Club: The Wastrels. And I am here to talk repurposing your unused cosmetics, AHA stuff, deodorant, cologne and all the other crap cluttering up your bathroom, linen closet and the top of your dresser.
Let’s start with safety. This applies mainly to the gals, and mainly to eye makeup. Simply put – that stuff has a shelf life and if you ignore that simple fact, it can be a rollicking trip to Conjunctivitis Junction. Sharing eye makeup with pals is a Very Bad Idea. And anything you stick your fingers in to apply is probably a petri dish. Certain magazines recommend disposing of this stuff after a couple of months and keeping a supply of clean applicators on hand, switching those out a lot more often. Follow this advice unless you want to look like the bunny the products were tested on. (I know you only buy cruelty-free. I was joshing you.) If you do get pinkeye, seek medical attention, toss all your eye stuff in the trash, and start fresh a week after you’ve completely healed.
Here’s how to repurpose the other things:
Samples: Kiehl’s is very generous, but they are not alone. So is Aveda, Clinique, and Bath and Body Works. I use them in several ways.
1) The briefcase. Washing up at work and splashing a little Kiehl’s Rosewater or Facial Fuel on your face is delicious in the middle of the day. Pack a nice hand towel in your bag to dry off with.
2) The travel bag. When going to The Isle of Fire, it’s nice to have your favorites on hand without them leaking everywhere. Pack a few.
3) Friends. Well, if your buddy’s pores look like what you see from The Outerbridge Crossing, he or she might benefit from trying something new.
Moisturizer: It’s too heavy and greasy for your face, and you haaaaate the smell? Here’s what to do – get a pedicure. That night, take a shower. Slather your feet with the Lotion Of Woe. Mix in the AHA stuff that was too harsh for your face. Put on a pair of white cotton socks. Go to bed. Repeat nightly. That pedicure will last TWICE as long, and you won’t be throwing out perfectly good stuff. Also, attend to areas that tend to dry out – everything below the knee, your elbows, your hands. Use it up, then just don’t buy it again. If the fragrance is not the issue, use it as massage cream on your honey.
Scrubs: Too rough, ladies? Haul it to the shower and do your feet, elbows, knees, and hands with it, and if your beloved is gentle, put that sucker to work scrubbing your back. Guys, is it too lotion-like and not scrubby at all? Make the shower on the hot side, start at your shoulders, and slowly scrub your way down. Your honey should do your back with more pressure. Both of you rinse with cool water and pat dry. Yay! A spa treatment with a product you otherwise would have tossed.
Serums: I’ve never met a serum I didn’t like. But if you do, treat it like an unloved moisturizer.
Shampoo: Garnier Fructis makes my scalp scream with fury. But it makes a terrific bubble bath / body wash. Your shampoo mistake may do this also.
Masks: Clay-based masks to draw out impurities can be either too weak or too rough. If they are either, use them in the NYC pedicure way. Take a shower, leave lower legs wet, smear the mask on, wrap your lower legs in plastic, and sit for half an hour. Remove plastic and rinse. This oft-neglected area will thank you. If you have a willing beloved to help, your back would benefit from this as well.
Cologne: Do you like it, but just don’t wear it? Put a generous spritz on a wet washcloth and throw it in the dryer with your laundry. Do you hate it? Give it away. And consider developing a Signature Fragrance for yourself. Mine is the unisex No. 4711 – an ancient cologne that reminds me of the beach, and Grandfather Martin (who wore it also), and everything good that has ever happened to me. My second is Armani – very similar, but more citrus, and it’s what I wear for sexytimes. In winter, there’s a third: Boucheron for men, which is rich and subtle and reminds Cap’n of “good secrets and surprises”, so he says. I don’t need anything else, and the New York winter is short, so I usually buy a small spray bottle of the Boucheron in October and keep the others on hand in larger bottles. A dear ladyfriend of mine only wears Coco by Chanel. It smells different on her at different times of year. I will always associate it with her, and when I smell another lady with it on, it makes me want to call my friend. Isn’t that cool?
Deodorant: What to do when it gets down to an unusable nub? Well, toss it in your sock or underwear drawer. It’s not a lavender sachet, but it does make getting dressed a bit more pleasant. When it dries up, toss it. By then you’ll have another one.
I hope this introduced the concept of Yankee Thrift into your shelves and counters. Let me know what you think!