Remember when “South Park” was fairly new? “Daria”? Even “Beavis and Butthead” had its time in the sun. Great shows, right?
Animated sitcoms have been around forever, and some of them were better than others. We can debate all day long over just how much “The Simpsons” has gone downhill, but some shows never even got the chance to jump the animated shark.
Let me introduce you to “Clone High,” a show you missed because you weren’t cool. It aired on MTV from November 2002 to April 2003 in the United States, for a scant eight episodes. Canada, ever the forefront of culture and taste, aired five more episodes, but after the original thirteen the show was never heard from again.
Why? I don’t know. I’d explain the premise of the show to you, but the original theme song (performed by Abandoned Pools) is not only insanely catchy but very informative, so I’ll direct you to that:
Teenage clones! Drama! The mathematical formula for this magic:
(“Degrassi”+”The Simpsons”)/clones=AWESOME.
A short list of the main characters, to get you up to speed:
- Cleopatra: the Regina George of Clone High
- JFK: well, kind of what you’d expect a teenage JFK to be like.
- Abe Lincoln: the lovable nerd.
- Joan of Arc: the artsy Goth girl.
Are there more: Yes, obviously. Gandhi, Ponce de Leon, Marie Curie…the list goes on. If you are a nerd with a great appreciation for both snark and historical figures, you will cry yourself to sleep every night because this show is no more (as I do).
One of the best parts of this show is that it is the “typical teenage problem” TV show writ large and satirical. There are drug problems, proms, makeovers, and disaters.
The jokes are often wildly un-PC (Joan of Arc’s foster dad is a Ray Charles-like character, so if you like blind jokes, they have a couple).
And the guest stars! Oh, the guest stars! Jack Black, Tom Green (as an ADD counselor, natch), Luke Perry, Michael J. Fox…John Stamos? JOHN STAMOS.
If you’re thinking, “Yeah, these are big names, but who’s the biggest name? Is there someone who performs an adorable musical number about the food pyramid but pretends to eat babies and practice devil worship in real life?”
I am so glad you asked. There is. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Marilyn Manson:
Not enough awesome for you? The school administrator is one Cinnamon J. Scudworth, a sort of diabolical Mr. Belding with sinister plans for his pubescent clones. His administrative assistant is the intelligent and charming Mr. Butlertron, a robot with a way with words.
You can watch every episode in its entirety here. It’s also available on DVD on Amazon. In the meantime, I leave you with a clip of teenage clone Ghandi, fighting another clone high school’s mascot (the lovely Geshy), and learning an important lesson about love:
Can you think of any better show in the world? I doubt it. But feel free to try and think of one.
