Somewhere between cursing at the TV for a solid hour, threatening to maim Reggie Miller and then just sitting in stunned silence as if a loved one just passed away, I came to the conclusion that LeBron James is sort of good at basketball.
As a lifelong Chicago Bulls fan, there just isn’t much explanation for how the final three minutes and thirty-three seconds of Game 5 panned out. But it was akin to watching a freight train run over the deer, then seeing that deer carcass infected by a host of parasites, then seeing LeBron James take a giant crap on the whole mess. It took less than four minutes for the Miami Heat to erase a twelve point deficit. Just look at how the Heat’s 4th quarter comeback in those final minutes unfolded:
Like anyone who follows sports with even a passing interest knows, LeBron James turned an entire city (granted, it was only Cleveland) against him by thinking it was a good idea to air his personal thought process on national television. Throw in media lamprey Jim Gray and it was a giant cesspool of unchecked arrogance. But before that TV special, I felt bad for Lebron. Here’s a guy who literally did everything for the Cleveland Cavaliers over seven seasons. He scored, he distributed, rebounded, closed games, only to fall short of the ultimate prize because the best teammate he ever had in a Cavs uniform was Mo Williams. It seemed like people were so quick to tear him down they didn’t even realize how once in a lifetime his talent truly was.
Probably should have burnt the GM’s suits.
But the further we move away from The Decision, the more it seems like a function of the times. ESPN is not a sporting news network, it’s an entertainment channel that happens to focus on sports. It’s like watching those Fox News programs where it’s just an hour of two old guys yelling at each other. The 24/7 news cycle perpetuated by modern technology has basically forced people to seek out stories where there are none. LeBron joined the Miami Heat in July of 2009, but journalists had no problem starting the rumor mill as early as 2005, when he signed a contract extension with Cleveland. “James must come to New York!” “James should fulfill his destiny as the next Jordan in Chicago!” “James should play for the Clippers and superfan Frankie Muniz!” We now have open speculation anytime a star athlete is about to test the FA market. Ask a Cardinals fan about Albert Pujols, or a Magic fan about Dwight Howard, or the Hornets and Chris Paul. Thanks to Twitter and other social apps we know every last movement of these guys. Does that mean we’re in a golden age of selfishness? Or do we simply have the technology to obsess over famous people to an unhealthy degree?
On the other hand, the Miami Heat did THIS in the offseason. The loyal “fanbase” had to be given instructions on how to cheer. Did you know the only two jerseys retired in the American Airlines Arena belong to Dan Marino and Michael Jordan? What the fuck is that shit? Chris Bosh opened his mouth and said a lot of dumb things, so did Dwyane Wade. The entire scheme was orchestrated by the NBA’s version of Satan, a man who deserves an eternity of cock punches. No matter how exciting or dominant they look, or how LeBron and Wade look like the most unstoppable perimeter duo since Jordan and Pippen, I can’t get over just how annoying they are.
So when the Dallas Mavericks travel to Miami next week for a rematch of the 2006 Finals, I’ll sit in front of my TV knowing LeBron James is the greatest player in the NBA, one of the most dominant athletes in the world, but in spite of all that is kind of an asshole. And Dirk Nowitzki might be an asshole, too. But I don’t know that yet and he’s tall and German and has a pretty jumpshot. So go Dallas.
