This is a new feature in which I will take relationship questions and dispense advice based on concrete principles such as what my cat thinks or how my 2 year old daughter responds.
Dear Barbie Q:
I own a store that has a bunch of long-time, loyal shoppers. The thing is, they kind of get on my nerves. They are always making snarky remarks and inside jokes. They always show up and buy lots of stuff, but I’d like to attract new shoppers and I think the clique that hangs out at my store is driving away potential shoppers. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Mr. Nique
Dear Mr. Nique
Here’s my advice – get rid of the whiny, self-centered shoppers as soon as possible. I recommend a few strategies:
• Install a door a revolving door and pretend it’s broken when the clique-y shoppers try to come in
• Invite potential shoppers who may or may not be interested in buying your product. This will overcrowd the store and annoy the clique-y shoppers and force them to shop elsewhere
• If the clique-y shopper express special love for any product, stop carrying it immediately
• Make them go to the back of the line if they make smartassed comments
If this doesn’t work, I recommend sending in an attack hamster. Let me know if you need a reference. I know a good one.
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