The Night Watchman: T

Everybody Loves Reptilians

Most conspiracy theories rely on the same old tired villains and puppet masters to frighten believers into reading really crappy websites and investing all of their money in survival gardens. The Illuminati, the Free Masons, the Jews, blah, blah, blah, we have heard this all before. Note to conspiracy people: give the Jew thing a rest. They are only .2% of the worlds population, and bitching that Jews control the world does literally make you a fucking Nazi.

However, one group of crazies has made a dedicated effort to keep things fresh in paranoid land. These are those who have the insight to see the shadows that surround us. They know that there is more than meets the eye in the day-to-day machinations of the global power structure. These are the believers in the Reptilians (sometimes called Draconians if your not a total poseur). These folks know that many of the most powerful people in the world are not only working against the good of humanity, but that they are not even human. Everybody panic!!!!!!

Essentially, the reptilian conspiracy says that a group of space aliens (or extra-dimensional travelers, depending on your Thorazine dose) have infiltrated the human power structure and are secretly running the world. The reptilians have been around for most of human history, and we all know Jesus, Angelina Jole, and George H.W. Bush are reptilians. You can see a full list here, at this uniquely designed website.

Need proof that that the reptilians walk among us? It’s in their beady little eyes.

They even control the media.

By the way, this is the greatest video ever loaded to YouTube.

So, why should we be afraid of the reptilians, they have been here forever, right? Well, the problem is that the reptilians want to get rid of human beings so that they can have all of the Earth’s delicious resources for themselves. That is why there are so many natural disasters (not climate change) and why our civil liberties are being taken away (not weak political leadership). Fortunately, there is another group of aliens called the Vulturites (really), who are trying to protect humanity from both the reptilians and our own destructive tendencies.

David Icke: Soldier for Truth

The world’s most prominent expert on reptilians is Brit David Icke. Icke’s qualifications included being a mediocre footballer and the British equivalent of a shock jock (sound familiar, Mr. Beck)? Since he started peddling this claptrap, Icke has written a number of books, but makes no money off of them because he was too stupid to secure his own copyright. Nonetheless Icke, has a successful website and does extensive speaking tours so that jackasses like you won’t be made into lizard food. The motto of the website is Exposing the Dreamworld We Believe to be Real, which kind of sums up the whole delusional enterprise. There are of course those who do not tow Icke’s line about the reptilians. The reptilian believer community is full of Judean People’s Front type divisions and since everyone involved is crazy it is hard to sort out who is who. Bonus: Alex Jones and the Prison Planet people actually really hate the reptilian people because it makes the conspiracy community look crazy (lulz). However, they all agree that we are doomed if we don’t continue to watch them on the internet.

Note: This is the worst video ever posted on YouTube.

So stay vigilant Crasstalkers, the final battle is coming. Prepare yourself for war. Soon you will be forced to choose sides, and you never know who is watching.

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