Daily Archives: December 8, 2010

3 posts

In defense of disco

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Before I say anything else, I just want to include this disclaimer: No matter how open-minded a person is and no matter how great the music is…. some people just will NOT EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EVER be able to tolerate disco. I accept that. Those people are lost causes. For the rest of you, read on…

I know that when you hear the word “disco” you instantly think of the Village People and Abba and maybe Donna Summers and definitely polyester suits. There is an undeniably cheesy side to disco that never seems to die off. So fine, I’ll concede that some aspects of disco are absolutely awful. That said, most people don’t realize that disco also had a grittier, deeper side that didn’t get the radio airplay. Instead, it got played in legendary clubs like the Paradise Garage, where Larry Levan held court and more or less all modern dance music was first truly conceptualized.

So Levan and others like Francois Kevorkian were mixing these crazy, long-form funk records into a nonstop dance workout… and they were YEARS ahead of their time. They were doing things like mixing synthesizers with Afro-Caribbean rhythms 20 years before M.I.A. ever picked up a mic.

I once heard disco described as “blue collar party music,” which is just about perfect. So let’s give credit where credit is due and check out some choons….

“Give Me Love” by Cerrone.
Marc Cerrone is a French drummer and producer who had a serious knack for coming up with catchy songs that still had that hard beat. This song has been remixed about a billion times by house producers in the last few decades.

“I Don’t Want to be a Freak” by Dynasty
I am in love with these girls. They don’t want to be freaks… but they just can’t help themselves. Sad really.


“I Don’t Wanna Lose It” by Bambu
Ok, here is some intense club disco that was clearly made for people consuming massive amounts of cocaine. The tempo is just ridiculously fast… at least 10 or 15 bpm faster than almost any other tracks you’ll find. The cocaine… there’s no other explanation. It’s downright disorienting, but then the vocals come in and everything settles down nicely.


“We’re On Our Way Home” by Brainstorm

Not a lot of people realize this, but ANY song that starts with a slap bass intro is required to be a KICK ASS SONG. It’s a rule. Look it up. In a way, you truly hear the first 80s pop coming through, but then it goes back into full 1970s string orchestra mode. I love it.


“Jingo” by Candido
That evil organ sound at the beginning was sampled by DMX. This song came from Salsoul Records, a hugely influential New York label that was known for using a lot of latin percussion in their tracks. To this day people love scouring old record shops for Salsoul vinyl because it’s such versatile deejay music.


“Deputy of Love” by Don Armando’s 2nd Avenue Rumba Band
If you ever walked into a club and saw that tonight’s act was “Don Armando’s 2nd Avenue Rumba Band,” is there any way you’d be anything less than excited?

“Do It Again” by Easy Going
Here’s an example of what’s called Italo-disco… disco from Italy. We guineas just love our disco. Not even living on different continents can change that. It’s our bond that unites the guido diaspora. Also… nothing homoerotic about that cover art. Nothing. At. All.


“Hot to Trot” by Alfredo de la Fe
Disco was really the first music that mashed up genres in exciting new ways. This tune starts off with a HEAVY samba beat straight off the streets of Rio, then breaks into a jazz violin explosion and then levels out into a straightforward funk jam. The drumming is incredible.


“Time Warp” by the Coach House Rhythm Section
This was a b-side on Eddy Grant’s Electric Avenue record. Eddy Grant is the man. If you put this song on Beatport today, no one would bat an eye. It’s computer music made with synthesizers and drum machines yet it sounds so human.


“Flight to Jamaica” by The Crashers
I’ve never been able to find out ANYTHING about The Crashers other than that they made this song. I don’t know how the hell it’s never been used in a movie soundtrack. Maybe it has, but it’s still got to be one of the all time great long lost disco songs. Reggae and disco… two great tastes that taste great together.


“I Hear Music in the Streets” by Unlimited Touch
That crunchy funk beat. The great vocals. That thumping bass. The handclaps. The fantastic guitar playing. If you’re ever in a bad mood, treat yourself to this song. It’s pure joy in sonic form.

Crass Parenting: Modern Birth Terminology

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The birth process has changed a lot since I was born. My mom just went to the hospital and had me. It was pretty cut and dried. Today, she’d be known as a terrible mother. Birth has evolved. It’s become a defining act. It tells the world what kind of mother you are and many believe it sets the tone for the relationship you will have with your child.

If you are newly pregnant or someone close to you is having their first child, you will probably hear a lot of new concepts thrown around. Mothers-to-be have to decide where to have their baby, how to have it, whether drugs or interventions should be involved and how to deal with the baby immediately after the birth. There are lots of decisions to be made. However, to start off with, it’s important to understand the terminology. Here are some terms you might not be familiar with if you are new to the modern birth era:

Birth plan: Birth plans are a fictional document a mother writes before the birth which outlines how she would like the birth to proceed. The plan often contains her wishes to use or avoid medication, induction or c-sections. The mother gives this plan to the doctors and nurses who laugh themselves sick because we all know how cooperative babies are. Yes, babies come on time, on schedule, in exactly the way you want them to be born. That happens all the time.

Doula: Doulas like to say that while the father or doctor catches the baby, the doula catches the mother. The Doula is there to mediate between the mother and the doctor and make sure the mother doesn’t make any rash decisions such as deciding at the last moment that she will take any and all drugs and she doesn’t care what she said yesterday about medication, dammit, she wants an epidural now.

Midwife: Midwives are superior to doctors in that they are considered more natural and holistic and will make you feel like a wimp if you whine about drugs or beg for pain medicine. Midwives are often earthy, granola type women who gave birth after two pushes and buried their placenta under a tree. They are the kinds of women who glowed during pregnancy and have magical birth experiences. Clearly, they are either aliens or part of a secret superhuman race. They speak in coded language that only other superhuman women understand. They use code words like “surges” and “orgasmic birth” that will attract other superhuman women and allow them to give birth to their superhuman babies in the midwife environment.

Homebirth: Instead of going to the hospital and bringing the baby home, you have your baby at home. Then, you get to deal with the mess and bodily fluids yourself or assign your husband and/or any onlookers to clean up the biohazards. This is a great way to involve them in the birth process. Nothing makes a new father happier than cleaning up uterine fluid and blood. Also, if you live in an apartment complex, you will be able to alert your neighbors immediately to the fact that a baby is on the way so they can go shopping for baby gifts asap.

Unassisted childbirth: This is for the balls to the wall crowd. Midwives and doctors be damned – in this case, you are going it alone. There are lots and lots of helpful videos and stories on the internet about people who birth without out any medical intervention whatsoever. Sometimes the mother even catches the baby by herself. This requires the kind of woman who is very vigilant during labor as the baby definitely needs to be caught if the mother is standing or squatting. A fresh baby covered in bodily fluid can go flying pretty far. It’s probably a good idea to have a catcher’s mitt on hand.

Orgasmic birth: A contradiction in terms. Attempt to keep a straight when you hear this term. Some first time mothers think this is possible during childbirth. You never hear experienced mothers talk about it.