Wonder Woman gets another reboot; What the hell is a Honey Boo Boo; Johnny Knoxville signs on with an Oscar Winner; Streisand will not be ignored; sequel news; and Cee Lo!
After we saw that disaster that was to be a Wonder Woman series put on by Vaudevillian joke house, NBC, we were relieved that it never made it to airing, because sheesh, Wonder Woman wearing weird star spangled leggings and ill-fitting boots all while jumping over cars in some NYC dreamscape — well, let’s just say it was puke buckets and leave it at that. Now the CW, queen network of trapping teenagers in magic spells and making them do penance on television for ten years without even a bread crumb of a career later, thinks they can do better than NBC and David Kelley! After all, they only just let Tom Welling leave farging Smallville like two years ago, and now they’re doing something with that Arrow character — so they’re the premiere Supped up Supe place to be, yes? Urgh. They’re looking at a Wonder Woman origin story called Amazon because Diana of Themyscira was an Amazonian princess kind of like Sheena of the Jungle. Okay, not at all. These chicks mostly mined for super bullet reflecting bracelet metal in gossamer gowns, right? Anyway, so the CW will try this on for size, without doing anything too radical with the character like giving her disgusting pants or making her squash wiggly bits with Superman like what’s happening in those ridiculous comics. [THR]
In the scariest news you’ll hear all day, everyone in America who wasn’t tuning in to see Bill Clinton speak last night at the DNC was watching some sort of Oompa Loompian nightmare called Honey Boo Boo. We’re going to assume that this is a person and not a Gummi Bear, even though we have no evidence to the contrary. Apparently Here Comes Honey Boo Boo fell in ratings last night, we’re thinking because the honey covered funnel cake in a bizarro world of Winnie the Pooh got stuck in a tree and Honey Boo Boo spent the entire episode attempting to free it? The show only pulled in 2.4 million viewers. ONLY! That’s like saying 2.4 million viewers watched a Cheeto explode in a microwave, or 2.4 million viewers dropped gum on a sidewalk, or 2.4 million viewers studied their toe jam for an hour! Regardless, Honey Boo Boo tied CNN’s coverage of the Democratic National Convention — including a speech from President Bill Clinton. Welp! Obviously the Republicans are behind this. Let’s be prepared for Rick Santorum eating a doughnut to beat out the President’s speech tonight. [THR]
Bridget Jones’ Red Face Full of Spanked Ham, Renée Zellweger, will make her directorial debut recreating the 1988 film, Punch Line, starring Sally Field and Tom Hanks. In her version, Johnny Knoxville of all people, because making several Jackass movies, a god-awful Dukes of Hazzard remake, and bugging his eyes out in one of those Men in Black things, should make him eligible for Oscar winner Renée Zellweger’s directorial debut, will star as a “commitment-phobic, train-wreck comedian” about stand-up comedy called 4½ Minutes. Zellweger will be a single mom who Knoxville’s character signs on with for a babysitting gig taking care of her genius son. So we’ll get to see Knoxville be uncomfortable and earnest or something like that. Or maybe he’ll throw himself down a ravine in a Port-a-Potty. Really, we’re thinking if all else fails, the latter will probably happen. What other method can he possibly rely on…being hit in the balls with a sledge hammer? Oh, well, there’s probably that. [THR]
Only a diva with the mouth as wide as a fault line in Southern California would dare turn down a movie produced and directed by the diva who could probably eviscerate “wide mouth” with one song from Yentl. Yes, that’s right, Julia Roberts has turned down a starring role in Barbra Streisand’s 2013 film, Skinny and Cat. Haha! If you’re going to turn down the director of 1996’s The Mirror Has Two Faces, it should be the one person who made a cow pie in Mirror, Mirror. The irony. Julia Roberts has eaten it. So far no reason has been given; not that Roberts has too much on her plate already, or she’s just being extra choosy, or if it’s known that Streisand won’t put up with any loud laughing bellows and eye rolls or whatnot. Well, whatever. Babs is moving on. She’s casting someone else in the role. No, not you, Lea Michele. Never you. Cate Blanchett and Colin Firth will take on the title roles. Yeah, this probably won’t suck, except for you Julia Roberts. Sucks for you always. [THR]
Universal Studios has decided that mediocre movie, Safe House, which starred Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds needs a sequel. So then this becomes a Ryan Reynolds vehicle? Okay, we’ve seen how well those have fared lately. We give his last four movies five plops in a toilet. [Vulture]
Cee Lo Green, because ever since that “Fuck You” song he’s gosh darned everywhere now, has signed a first-look deal with NBC to develop scripted and unscripted programming, including a multi-camera sitcom for Green to star in. It’s said to be autobiographical so that means Animal from the Muppets will be on hand to tell what it’s like to work with such a talented showman. [Vulture]
