Former celebrities decide Donald Trump is as good a Pension plan as any; your boss is still horrible; Olbermann just can’t stop doing that thing he does; So You Think You Can Dance trims the fat, and Melissa McCarthy may be asked to continue a franchise.
Good crazy hair pelts. Donald Trump has cast the latest season of television misfits set to clobber each other with plastic surgery and cans of beans on his celebrity hobo-for-hire shill show for charity, or publicity, or to fund Trump’s latest yacht. Let’s see who’s up this year: Arsenio Hall, singer Clay Aiken, radio host Adam Carolla, former Incredible Hulk star Lou Ferrigno, magician/comedian Penn Jillette, former Twisted Sister frontman Dee Snider, former Star Trek star George Takei, IndyCar legend Michael Andretti, and American Chopper’s Paul Teutul Sr. So basically the formula for the men is to have at least one certifiable maniac, Dee Snider, and a few jokesters, Arsenio Hall, Adam Carolla, and Penn Jillette. There’s a woodland nymph, Clay Aiken, an irascible oldster, George Takei, and two other dudes no one really cares about, but who will probably get pulled into fisticuffs with George Takei and Clay Aiken, because that is probably the fight of all our fantasies. OK! What about the women? Former supermodel Cheryl Tiegs, former pop star Debbie Gibson, singer/actress Tia Carrere, author and reality star Victoria Gotti, comedienne Lisa Lampanelli, former Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza, singer/actress Aubrey O’Day, actress/model Patricia Velásquez, and Real Housewives of New Jersey‘s Teresa Giudice will stomp around in inappropriate footwear while on a construction site. Yes? Yes. Also, why don’t we just put the word former next to all of their names, because, really, seriously, Tia Carrere and Aubrey O’Day? HA! What’s the over-under on some sort of cheetah print inspired beatdown happening between Lisa Lampanelli and Teresa Giudice? Imminent after the first episode? We’re going to need to take bets. [Deadline]
You know what happens when a movie becomes a surprise hit and gets the moniker, “The Funniest Movie Since The Hangover!” or whatever other movie was funny that year, as in, “The Funniest Movie Since Anchorman!” or “The Funniest Movie Since Ace Ventura!” — yawr, it gets a sequel. Be prepared for Horrible Bosses 2 because, just naturally. There is no funnier topic of all topics than wanting to kill your boss. Amirite, or amirite? That is a sure riot. Heh, heh. What? We’ve all done it. You can’t tell me you haven’t thought about shooting your boss with a harpoon right in the jaw, and then you wake up and it’s all a dream, and then you cry just a little bit…okay! So the movie! Jason Bateman, Charlie Day and Jason Sudeikis will all be back to torture their bosses some more maybe? Seems strange that these guys just continue to have such bad luck when it comes to bosses. You would think perhaps the problem is maybe them and they’re not working up to their potential, and it’s really a sad set of circumstances because surely if they just gave it a little extra effort they could probably really make something of themselves, the whole lot of them, but instead they like lollygagging in the office break room, sucking down coffee, eating cold tuna sandwiches, and talking about bunion surgery. That’s no way to get ahead, guys! [THR]
Apparently Keith Olbermann’s head just exploded all over Al Gore’s hippie television network. Due to some sort of spat, or a stubborn Olbermann deciding that he won’t in fact eat his peas, he declined to participate in Current TV’s GOP primary coverage on Tuesday. He was offered the gig, but said no. Apparently what he wanted was to have a special episode of Countdown that covered the primary, that and that alone. What does this even mean? Surely, he didn’t think he was going to just hold court over there as the only mouth present to discuss the primary as it unfolded, did he? Perhaps he did. Maybe he thought it would go something like this: “Well, Keith what do you think about Santorum’s chances? You see, Keith, I think due to the Santorum Surge, he could be looking at a big win tonight. Your thoughts, Keith? Well, Keith, I think Romney is still in this thing, and could put up a pretty good fight. Back to you, Keith. Thanks, Keith. Now about Michele Bachmann…” THIS IS TOTALLY WHAT HE THOUGHT! Boy, it must have been something when he found out Al Gore was going to anchor and no one wanted his vein-popping faux outrage around at that point. They basically told him that his little one man show wasn’t going to air so he might as well just go home and watch it on television like the rest of us who don’t work for CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, or CSPAN. [THR]
Why don’t we just blame this on Carmen Electra shall we? Fox has decided that America’s favorite dance competition show — and no we’re not talking about that old age home of a dancing show, where former reality stars and people you haven’t seen on television in fifteen years donkey-limp their way around a stage — NO! Fabulous So You Think You Can Dance will be down to just one show per week. They’re cutting the results show altogether. At first you may want to set Rupert Murdoch on fire, well, you should always want to do that, but actually this isn’t so bad! Think about it. The results show is already boiled down to waiting to hear who’s safe, who isn’t, and then heaped on top of that, like some sort of Violet Beauregarde engorged Willy Wonka blueberry, are performances by random, often extraneously mediocre song and dance artists. It is actually ten minutes of watching Mary Murphy make that conflicted face, and fifty minutes of “This Group from Somewhere Screeches into a Microphone While Twitch From Season Four Dances in the Background” and then the celebrity guest judge [Carmen Electra] looks on blankly while clapping politely, after offering no valuable input, but just burping his or her way through each performance and analysis while spouting how they once took tap lessons way back at camp Tiny Dancers as their only credible reason for being on the panel. We’d love to see less of that too, please! So, thanks, Fox! Think about what we said! [Deadline]
Melissa McCarthy may have found herself front and center in a Bridesmaids sequel. And that’s just fine by this blogger. McCarthy stole every scene, made gentle love to it, and basically thumbed her nose at Kristen Wiig who seemed to come off just okay as the hapless leading lady. You see, that was the thing about the movie, Wiig wasn’t the best part, and now that she’s refusing to work on a sequel, the door is wide open for a whole different take on the burgeoning franchise. There are also a few rumors that the other ladies aren’t too happy with the $100,000 bonus each received for participating in the film, which went on to become a blockbuster hit, raking in much dough for Universal and now nominated for Golden Globe, SAG and PGA awards, with the potential for an Oscar nom to come. Pretty cheap there, Universal. Did you at least get them a cool swag bag or something? Some cheeses of the world? Maybe some of that boxed salmon from Nova Scotia? Wiig, who’s looking to take on other roles, including a dramedy and an indie, could be letting a Judd Apatowian opportunity slip through her fingers, or perhaps she’s opening the door for bigger and better things. It’s hard to say, but one thing we do know about Hollywood, it’s easier to make it once you’ve paved the road with hits, so we’ll see how it all shakes out. Nonetheless, if Universal comes a-knockin, McCarthy should probably answer that door in her best jaunty cap and sandals. [THR]
