I’m pretty sure this food product greases the wheels of the devil. It is a horror show covered in barbeque sauce. It is literally the decayed pork meat body of your nightmares and millions of people love it. This is why we have terrorism. Guess what everyone?! Now this rank, porcine gristle coaster and its legions of lunatic fans have something else to be concerned about.
The Humane Society of the United States has filed an SEC complaint against Smithfield Farms, the pig producer that supplies the meat for McDonald’s limited-edition Pork Colon of a sandwich called the McRib.
Reports say the complaint alleges that pigs live in cruel and unusual conditions including being confined to tiny gestational crates while covered in blood and walking around in poor sanitation. According to NYDailyNews, “abscesses sometimes formed from simple scratches due to ever-present bacteria.” Holy Hork! Yeah, um, okay. I don’t want to think about it. I mean, really. I can’t think about it. Cripes! I just thought about it.
This isn’t new information if you can believe that. In December of 2010, reports HuffPost, “the HSUS got a hold of gruesome footage of a Smithfield Farms facility, leading respected figures like Mark Bittman, New York Times food columnist, to call for a boycott of meat from the company.” This makes sense. Yes, we certainly are a country that consumes its fair share of animal products, but what we ultimately hope for is an environment in which the animals are respected for their contribution, and heaven forbid not left in such inhumane and bacteria-ridden squalor so as to be more painful for the animal, or resulting in a lethal disease outbreak for the humans of which they sustain. However, the recent complaint isn’t a new one, and really speaks to the growing concerns about the McRib in general, mainly the health ramifications and more plainly, what the hell is in it.
So let’s take a second to discuss what’s actually in the McRib, or puck of soul-destructing fat globules with strips of barbeque sauce slathered rectum rings, shall we? We know it’s a dastardly obsession for some, but this just has to be done. Gird your loins lovers of the McRib. Are you listening?!
What we know is that it’s a patty made up of various pork bits which include tripe, heart and scalded stomach, among other things. One of those other things is a chemical binder that’s used to keep the soles of shoes and gym mats together. YUM! Is this getting to you yet, McRib fans? Or are you currently thinking, “Where’s my yoga mat? I’d like it rolled in tripe, sauced, pickled, and then served to me on a hoagie roll all with no less than 980 mg of sodium. That’s what I want. A log made of butts.”
The latter is why McDonald’s will always win forever. The world will be littered with McRibs for all of eternity and the occasional Cinnabon.
Let’s do more to fight terrorism grossness, America.
