The Hollywood Caller: Mel Gibson Sparks Fresh Outrage, Now With 100% More Jews

Mel Gibson is totally unaware of who he is; Now everyone singing all the songs Down Under; Fiddy thinks he has a handle on this acting thing; Blasphemous Beauty; Jobs for Ex-Governors, and Gervais steals our shtick!

Today’s Hollywood Dish needs a wake up call.

Mel Gibson is Makin the Crazy Sauce Again: So what do you do when you’re a Hollywood pariah of your own making? You know, when you’re like a seriously crazy dude, and we have the audio tapes to prove it! Well, if you’re Mel Gibson you set about making a movie about a religious hero of the Jewish people. Yes, exactly! Nevermind the fact that you’re an insane, abusive, Jew-hating weirdo. No, that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that Braveheart was popular years and years ago. So, basically let’s make a movie about the Jewish version of William Wallace, yes? No. Well, yes, kinda, according to Gibson and Warner Bros. Both are indeed teaming up to make a movie depicting the life of Judah Maccabee who with his father and four brothers lead the Jewish revolt against the Greek-Syrian armies that had conquered Judea in the second century B.C. We’re not sure what to make of Gibson’s involvement here. And it seems a little unclear if he will be directing or starring, or direct-to-starring? Is it pandering? Is it a thinly veiled move at contrition? Just what the ever living fuckbuggers? At any rate Jewish leaders are not amused. “Casting him as a director or perhaps as the star of ‘Judah Maccabee’ is like casting Madoff to be the head of the Securities and Exchange Commission,” says Rabbi Marvin Hier. Comedienne Shawn Pelofsky tweeted, “Mel Gibson and Warner Bros are teaming up to create a film about Judah Maccabee. It’s called ‘Thanks for ruining Hanukkah’.” So, yeah, everyone in the world…everyone born ever, thinks this is a bad idea. Hard to argue with that logic, eh, Warner Bros.? [THR]

Les Miz Gets Two Aussies: Now some will say that the last big screen version of Les Misérables starring Liam Neeson and Geoffrey Rush shouldn’t be touched, and they would be mostly right. I was looking forward to what Universal would do when I heard they were producing yet another remake. What we now know is that Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman will play Javert and Jean Valjean respectively. The film’s producers are calling these two a dream cast, and that they were just born vocally to play these parts. Jackman, perhaps. But Russell Crowe? I know that he had some sort of beer-swilling band called “Sixty Odd Group of Farts” or “Ninety Odd Butts of Shunts” or something like that, but when you think of the nuance of both characters…I dunno. Both actors leave me rather flat. I’m thinking I would have preferred Robert Downey Jr. in the role of Jean Valjean and perhaps Malkovich or someone truly sinister, and musical, for the role of Javert. I just see Crowe as too much of a thug-headed tough, and Jackman as too much of a prissy, pretty-boy. But you know, I could be wrong. Crowe could have a set of pipes on him that could light the world on fire, and Jackman could really know how to garner the enigmatic touch Jean Valjean brings, bub. But mostly though I just think this could be like that movie Australia, starring two Australians but with more singing and typhoid. [Deadline]

Go Shawty It’s A Movie: Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson will soon appear in All Things Fall Apart, a drama directed by Mario Van Peebles, who we haven’t seen in a movie since he was a drugged up werewolf in Full Eclipse…yeah, that happened. The movie stars “Fiddy,” Lynn Whitfield, and Ray Liotta (HA! Ray Liotta…dude, your career), and tells the story of a college-bound football star who’s diagnosed with cancer. As you may remember, Jackson lost 80 pounds for the role, which he revealed in shocking photographs nearly a year ago. The film has been screened for a few festivals so far, but the response has been less than stellar. Collider.com outright says that the main failing of the movie is the fact that Curtis Jackson can’t act. Yeah, ouch. So this guy loses 80 pounds to depict a cancer-stricken young man with a promising future and basically he’s said to have “anti-charisma.” Oh, uh, um, Curtis? Maybe make some more songs and sell some more Vitamin Water? Yeah, okay, it looks like that may be the best thing for everyone with eyeballs. [THR]

I Bet My Beauty and the Beast Could Beat Yours in a Fight: In a baffling move that is more ridiculous than interesting, ABC is now developing a re-imagined hour long drama called Beauty and the Beast. You may remember that in 1987 CBS had the most awesome show called, yup, Beauty and the Beast starring badass Linda Hamilton as “Catherine” and Ron Pearlman as “Vincent.” To remake this now is nothing short of blasphemy. Who the hell would try and improve upon genius? “Human Target” scribe Jonathan E. Steinberg (Jericho) is attached to executive produce and pen the project…that’s who. Well, that’s not really a long and storied television history there, Steinberg. I’m not sure we should trust you with re-imagining anything quite yet. The word isn’t out on how your network’s other fantasy tale, starring Ginnifer Goodwin, 25% of that big screen movie failure Something Borrowed, will fare. Goodwin will star in Once Upon a Time, a dual universe drama revolving around Snow White. (Why are there so many things in Hollywood happening about Snow White? Is she really a cocaine mule and we just don’t know it?) So, yeah, how about you let us see how well this whole fairy tale thing on the teevee does before you start working your magic on Beauty and the Beast. Linda Hamilton can probably still kick your ass. Sarah Connor for life, bitches. [THR]

Arnold Schwarzenegger to Do That Thing He Did before Governing and Lovechilding: Who would have thought the best way to move on from a political career that was incinerated with a thousand flames by your penis, is to continue making movies with one word titles? The Spermanator is in talks to star in something called Commando, Predator, Conan, Eraser…no, it will be called Captive. The movie is described as an action thriller (Naturally) about a real estate magnate who’s kidnapped and held for ransom in Brazil (Of course.) Do these things still happen? Really? Let me guess…he’ll have to fight to escape using his brawn and brute strength as the time clock ticks down the minutes until everything blows up. Cue machine guns, bombs, and lots of one liners like, “Let off some steam, Bennett.” How did I do? “ As he frantically searches for a way out of his armored-truck prison cell hidden in a Sao Paolo landfill, a detective specializing in kidnap and ransom cases works to find him.” Close, right? Yep. Given Schwarzenegger’s limited acting talent it was either this or scream incoherently into a camera for two hours. We so missed him. Whatever. You had a baby with your housekeeper while you were governor! Maybe your next movie should be called Career Suicide? [Deadline]

Hey Gervais Get Your Own Gig…We’ve got Live Blogging Covered!: Ricky Gervais the bestest Golden Globe host evererrrr, has come up with a truly inspired idea. YEAH! INSPIRED BY US! He is proposing a 3 hour live broadcast during the Golden Globes wherein he and a few “chums” discuss (see: snark) on the show during his own podcast. This would be the epitome of live blogging the Golden Globes, yes? Can he do that? Can he just do that thing that we all do and make it his own fun, snarky party? That’s like the call coming from inside the house. It’s a paradoxical conflict! How dare he try and steal all of our thunder like this. And he won’t be the only one to blame; he’d like to get Louis CK, Chris Rock, Karl Pilkington, John Stewart, and Larry David to “pop in and out.” Fuck him. No, fuck him really. I’m thinking this is now some kind of war. He adds, “People at home can have the telly on with the sound down listening to us online say things that no broadcaster could get away with. No one could do a fucking thing. The biggest live webcast ever? Who knows? Who cares? What’s fun is the shit we might come out with. No money. No sponsor. No guide lines. Fuck me I can’t wait. Maybe I’ll do a non-broadcast practice with The Emmys to see if it works.” Dude? Douche, much? Maybe, though…maybe it won’t ever happen. Hollywood won’t ever let this happen. It would be chaos…sheer anarchy! In an update he announces, “Wow. I’ve opened a can of worms. Or Pandora’s box. Or released the Kraken maybe? I’ve had an amazing response to yesterday’s blog entry. Not only was the idea received well, but we’ve had offers of sponsorship, technical support and a bunch of comedians up for it.” Holy, Hoecakes, well this could actually maybe be a thing! What will we do here to top this? Can we top this? Let’s think of some ideas. Would we then live blog his podcast which is live blogging the Golden Globes. Head. Explosion. There’s no way we should be shown up by Gervais…wait…we may not have to worry, in his last transmission he says, “Anyway. I’m looking into it. Might not happen. I might not even be available. Who knows, I might be at The Golden Globes. (awkward silence.) The funny thing is everyone who tunes in to the live webcast will also have to be watching the actual show on NBC. I could still be helping their ratings. Ha ha. I hadn’t thought this through. Maybe they should sponsor me?” This is a still developing story. The Hollywood Caller team (me) will let you know of any new announcements. [Deadline]

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