Coming Attractions: Mark Wahlberg Stars in Contraband, another “Leather Jacket and a Gun” Movie

So, have you noticed that in all these, “I’m a good guy who does bad things” movies at some point the main character always ends up in the Tough Guy Uniform of jeans, a black t-shirt, and a leather jacket? Yes, okay, so here’s another one of those movies.

Wahlberg plays a former smuggler whose brother-in law gets hooked in the game and of course FUBARs his run, so now Wahlberg who was “the best” has to set everything straight or EVERYONE WILL DIE. Kate Beckinsale plays the worried wife and mother who knows her family is a bunch of crooks, and Giovanni Ribisi, who we don’t see nearly enough in movies these days, plays the nasally-voiced leader of the ring whose contraband got dumped due to the ineptitude of Brother-in-Law Stupid Person. Ben Foster also shows up as Wahlberg’s jokester buddy.

So it’s an Action Thrillerrrzzz Save The Family Thing! Cue Wahlberg with his wooden face grimaces and vacant eyeballs saying all the requisite, “You don’t talk about my family” mouth-garbles as he smashes windows, brandishes a few weapons, gets up in Ribisi’s face, and ultimately makes the same movie Vin Diesel and The Rock have made about seventeen times between 1998 and 2010.

If you look quickly enough you’ll also see Lukas Haas of Witness fame wandering around in this re-fried bean of a movie trope. However, if you enjoy Wahlberg’s studious approach to face-mugging and his spittle-flying tirades in a diluted Boston accent, this looks like something exactly in his wheelhouse, but mostly I think you need to see more movies and you know, stop hugging that VHS copy of Boogie Nights. Anyway, there’s even a reference to Wahlberg’s Italian Job‘s Mini Coopers in this! Yawn. Eye-roll. However, if you’re not some weird Mark Wahlberg fan — really? Have you seen Max Payne, The Happening, The Truth About Charlie, or Planet of the Apes — you may think this looks like a DVD $10 bin gem that somehow made it to the big screen, and you would be right. Either way, it’s coming to theaters in January, 2012. Get your leather jacket, you dirty punk! Sigh.

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