Good morning to you! What a night! Dancing Queen and Missing Peace are passed out in the corner and confetti is floating in their champagne glasses. Let’s let them sleep it off – they deserve it! Although the ceremony was bad, you made it great by joining us for an epic live blog of the red carpet and the awards. We knew Francaway (the terrible monster cobbled together from the lifeless corpse of James Franco and the manic horse-muppet, Anne Hathaway) would be awful and there were few surprises for the winners this year – all the excitement was on the red carpet.
I’m peeling off the false lashes to take a closer look at last night’s fashion in the semi-sober light of day. Below are some of the most notable looks of the night. Who did you love? Who did you hate (we don’t say “hate” – how about “detest” or “want to stuff into the trunk of a car heading into Missouri meth country”)? Click on the images, below, to get a closer look – all the better to snark with, my dears.
The WTF Award goes to…..Melissa Leo! The Best Supporting Actress winner is my pick for the absolute worst dressed. Everything was wrong with her look – the cut, the fabric, this slit up the center, the appropriateness for the event. You don’t want to go down in Oscars fashion history for wearing a giant homage to what’s left on the table after a country fair bake sale. She was heavily favored to win and should have ramped it up about ten notches. She also could have been less annoying while accepting her award (like she didn’t know she’d win – pssssshhaawww).
The Bad Award goes to…Scarlett Johannson. It was not the worst – see directly above. (Are you still drunk?) It was just bad. Bad color, bad back, bad hair and no boobs. ScarJo, your big tickets are the reason we tune in and we want to see them. You might think Helena Bonham Carter would win this award, but I actually give her a pass because she’s delightfully nutty and my expectations for her are very low. She rarely disappoints because she’s set the bar mere inches off the ground. Also notable horribleness goes to Kathryn Bigelow and her sweater dress.
The Good Award goes to…like five people. Reese Witherspoon and Camila Alves are my favorites of the night, but then I like the classics, the looks that will stand up over the test of time. If Reese is a little tame for you, how about Mila Kunis? At first, I was torn over the purple and the lace and the little boob-cup detail, but the more I looked at it, the more I liked it. Now I love it. The shape of the dress looks fantastic on her, though it would be hard to go wrong on that girl. My other favorite of the night is Jennifer Hudson. Wow. She looked fan-freaking-tastic. Plus, Mila and JHud were on point with the color trends of the night – red (Bullock, Anne Horseface, Penelope Cruz, Jennifer Lawrence) and purple (Portman and the aforementioned ScarJo). Abandoned was the “green with envy” look that we saw at the Golden Globes.
As we noted last night, there was a serious lack of bling. Is it because of the economy? Are the stars not even allowed to borrow jewelry anymore? LiLo ruins everything.
Finally, a word with all the hairstylists in Hollywood. With limited exception, the hair on the ladies looked like it had been through a hurricane. That is NOT CUTE. When wearing a formal gown before millions of people, looking like you just woke up after a rough night is not acceptable and yet, so many women were sporting that look. If they didn’t do the undone Bardot look, then the tight bun was the other option, a look which is very severe on most women. Were they influenced by the ballerina chic in Black Swan? The boring hair and lack of baubles left us feeling more like the morning after than the main event.
