Remember when I posted about the Wake Mate alarm clock system?
Well, it was recalled because of the explosive nature of its USB charger.
Well, it is that time of year again. Even those of us who don’t regularly indulge usually toss a couple back, and for those of us who do it can often end like this:
No matter how good our intentions, New Year’s Eve is an invitation to taunt the liquor gods, and that means paying the price the next day. In the spirit of kindness, I am posting my time honored method of easing the hangover pain so that the first day of your new year won’t be utterly painful.
I know that there are many so called “natural” and vitamin remedies that are supposed to help a hangover, but they are all bullshit. Hippies don’t know shit about drinking, put down the crystal and let a professional help you.
Get all of this stuff together tonight. Once you are in the throes of a hangover you won’t want to leave the house and you probably shouldn’t because you will look like shit anyway.
For this method you will need the following:
36 oz. of water
2 anti-inflammatory tablets of your choice (I like Alleve).
2 pieces of bread
2 grams of decent weed
One comfy pillow and blanket
A cable TV hookup or a Netflix account
Phone number to a good pizza place or really good leftovers that are easy to reheat
2 cans of Coca-Cola (absolutely no substitutions on this)
The Night Before
It goes without saying that you can avoid this by not drinking excessively in the first place, but that is for little 
girls and it is a long time until the MLK weekend, so fuck it. I can also tell you to stick to one type of liquor, but you inevitably will mix bourbon with champagne and will end up doing a shot of absinthe that someone brought back from a holiday in Europe. Again, fuck it. You should drink some water before you go to bed, but if given the chance to get some nasty from whomever you wind up with, skip the water and go for the sweet loving. Rest easy knowing that you will survive the consequences of your foolish behavior. Again …
The Day of Battle
Step #1: Try not to sleep more than a couple hours later than your usually waking time because that makes your body confused and you’ve already pissed it off enough. If you are sleep deprived you can nap later.
Step #2: Shower, or at least wash your face. You smell awful.
Step #3: Drink one of the Cokes. It should be ice cold. Drink it slow.
Step #4: After 15 minutes, toast the bread and eat it (use butter if your stomach isn’t too upset). Drink 12 oz. of water with it.
Step #5: Wait about 20 minutes. Smoke some weed. If you smoke cigarettes you should have one at this point. I know, I know, you are going to quit, but today is not the day. Leave that shit for next week.
Step #6: Now is the time to take a tylenol or whatever. Your stomach will appreciate that you waited.
Step #7: Watch a couple of hours of TV while snuggled in your blankey on the couch. I recommend Law and Order, Futurama, the Twilight Zone, or Star Trek. All of these will probably be on marathons tomorrow or you can get them on Netflix. Avoid porn, horror movies (this is not the time to finally see Hostel), anything really sad (alcohol is a depressant). If you must watch sports you are going to have to choke down a couple of cans of mid-priced domestic beer to make watching your favorite team blow another great season possible.
Step #8: Take a nice nap. Try to keep it under an hour so you won’t fuck up your sleep schedule and turn into a vampire.
Step #9: Take the second anti-inflammatory with 12 more oz. of water. Return to the couch for more movies (maybe there is something good on Lifetime).
Step #10: Drink the last Coke and smoke some more weed. At this point you should be ok to eat some real food. Try cheese pizza, chicken soup, or pasta with a red sauce. Avoid carbonara, salad, Indian food, anything too spicy. Don’t make your stomach even angrier.
Step #11: Return to the couch and slowly drink 12 more oz. of water. See what Benson and Stabler are up to. Check in on CT and make fun of everyone else for a having a hangover.
Step #12: By this point you should be able to go on with your day, but if you can stay on the couch do it. Avoid phone calls from family, annoying internet arguments, or anything else unpleasant. This is the first day of the New Year, you have 364 more days to be irritated.
Step #13: Profit! You win at drinking. Now don’t do that again!!!
Have a wonderful New Year!
Have you noticed lately that your Netflix (or Redbox, Blockbuster, etc.) movies aren’t as feature packed as they used to be? The movie studio overlords had a problem, the rental houses only have to buy a disc once and then they can send it to hundreds or thousands of people. The studio oligarchy would much rather that individuals pay $30 each for individual copies of those movies. A new plan was needed.
Enter the “movie only” copies of DVDs and Blu-ray discs. Let us take the money making machine that is Twilight Eclipse as an example.
Your kids already forced you to take them to see it in the theater for $12 a pop plus snacks. Now the whole point of getting the DVD or Blu-ray is to watch the special features, so they put it on their Christmas wish list. Grandma goes to Best Buy and gets them the only copy they have left, the single disc DVD. The back of the box doesn’t list any features, but granny doesn’t know anything about the schemes of movie studios.
Your kid and her friends just want to watch the commentary where the pale face Brit tells what it was like to make out with Miss Dead Eyes. But it’s not there. So, you march down to return the stupid thing (open box returns are fun) and you are presented with a well stocked after holiday shelf where you find the following:
1. The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Two-Disc Special Edition) DVD
2. The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Single-Disc Edition) DVD
3. The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Single-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo) Special Edition DVD and Blu-ray on a flip disc
4. The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Single-Disc Edition) Blu-ray
Can you guess which one has special features, or which features each one has? If you said number 1 and 3 you’re win a prize (that being the ability to hear Miss Dead Eyes attempt to emote). Further, can you guess which are the only ones the studios will sell to the rental companies?
This leaves only one question. What took them so long?
If you’re looking for some simple cocktails to make this New Year’s you’ve found the right place. With four ingredients or less these classic cocktails are quick to make, and easy to cater to personal tastes. Perfect for when you’re serving a crowd. Fair warning, while these drinks may seem easier to assemble than more complicated cocktails, they can actually be much harder to master. Everyone knows what they should taste like, and you have high expectations to live up to when serving them. So before starting to assemble your drinks make sure you have the appropriate hardware, and high-quality ingredients. So go make some ice, grab you cocktail shaker, THROW AWAY those pre-made mixes, and join me for this classic edition of Let’s Get Boozy. Continue reading
Everyone knows that Roger Ebert has gone soft in his old age and ill health. How else do you explain THREE STARS for Gulliver’s Travels and only a mere half star more for True Grit? Facing the end of your life will do that to a sensitive soul and I love him, so I chalk it up to serious meds. Anyway, Ebert thinks this film of the holiday blizzard deserves an Oscar nod in the short film category. This is lovely, but all it really makes me think is “please spay and neuter your pets” (cut to 2:40 mark for my The Price Is Right reference).
I understand that there are some animals that actually like to be outside in the elements. Cats are so much smarter than that. I am Sophia, a connoisseur of comfort.
Today I had Maggie wake up Mummy by purring in her face while I relaxed on the big chair. Maggie thinks she’s the boss of this house, but she isn’t. I allow her to do the dirty work because it makes her feel useful. After gushy noms and crunchies were passed out under my strict supervision (seriously, I love my Mummy, but she is forgetful about the crunchies sometimes and I have to remind her) I settled down on the cozy blankets on the sofa. I slept there for a while and then got up for some leftover gushies. Then I settled into the big side chair for a long afternoon nap. Mummy keeps a lot of cozy blankets around to snuggle in. She’s a useful creature, this human. In some regards.
Why on Earth would any animal in their right mind want to leave the couch?
“Come quickly, I am tasting the stars!”
Dom Perignon during the moment he discovered champagne
What is a better drink than bubbly for this time of year? Champagne, almost by definition, means celebration. Given the events of 2010, who isn’t going to celebrate that this year is over on New Year’s Eve? I know I am certainly going to raise a glass (or bottle) to toast to the demise of this past year.
So let’s talk turkey about champagne. First of all, champagne is only produced in the Champagne region of France. If bubbly is made anywhere else, it is generally referred to as sparkling wine. The primary grapes used in making bubbly are Pinot Noir, Chardonnay and Pinot Neunier – prosecco is a bit different as the Italian grape of the same name is the key grape. Champagne became famous in France out of necessity. The Champagne region was too north for grapes to fully ripen for red wine – producing wine that was very low in sugar and high in acidity. The wines were much lighter bodied and ‘thinner’ than those from their neighbors in Burgundy. In other words, the grapes and the weather are perfect for making dry, crisp champagne.
It is a myth that Dom Perignon created champagne. Say what you will about the Roman Catholics today, but Benedictine monks near Carassonne can take full credit for creating this delicious libation as far back as 1531. Dom Perignon did make some significant improvement to the production of champagne – most notably the characteristic metal wire cage or collar which holds the cork in the bottle during the fermentation process.
There are several ways of producing champagne or sparkling wine. I’m not going
to go into great detail here, but just to give you the basics. Grapes are harvested and pressed just like any other wine. Bubbly is fermented twice. The first fermentation produces a wine that is pretty acidic, so yeast and sugar are added for the second fermentation. True champagne is fermented a second time in the bottle, historically cork-side down in a device called a riddling rack. Prosecco and other sparklings often have their second fermentation in steel tanks which makes it far less expensive to produce.
Bubbly Terms 101:
Here are some terms to help decipher bubbly labels.
Prestige Cuvee: Usually the producer’s top range and generally the most expensive of the offerings.
Blanc de Noirs: A white wine that is produced from black grapes (grapes that make red wine).
Blanc de Blancs: Bubbly that is produced solely with Chardonnay grapes
Rose: Bubbly made by allowing the skin of the black grapes to sit with the wine for a bit, giving it a pinkish hue. Occasionally, it also refers to bubbly that has a small bit of red wine added.
NV: Non vintage, which means that it is from a mix of grapes grown from different years.
Bubbly can have varying degrees of sweetness and here is the order from driest to sweetest: Brute Natural, Extra Brut, Brut, Extra Sec/Dry, Sec, Demi-sec, Doux.
I’m a big proponent of drinking wine in the proper glass. I’m not so nuts that each
varietal needs to have its own custom glass, but champagne really should be put in a glass for champagne. Use a white wine glass in a pinch, but I prefer champagne flutes. The ideal flutes are tall, narrow and taper at the top to concentrate the bubbles. The champagne glass, falsely attributed to the shape of Marie Antoinette’s breasts, isn’t ideal because the bubbly gets warm and flat too quickly. Same goes with flutes that do not taper in at the top.
Before I give you my recommendations, I have to let you know what my preferences are when it comes to sparkling, just to be up front. I don’t like Demi-sec and abhor Doux. Momof3 will never, ever, pop for a bubbly like Cristal – it is just too damn expensive. So with that in mind, here goes.
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Retail price: $17 Tribaut Brut
Rated 90 by Wine Spectator, this is a fine champagne and a good bang for the buck. Lots of citrus, apple with a bit of a yeasty flavor (that is good, btw). Nice and dry, the way I like it. Nice, long finish. Good with food. |
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Retail: $25. Piper-Heidsieck.
I love this wine! The bubbles are very refined and creamy. It is dry without being too crisp. Notes of apple and bit of berry. Medium body with a nice length finish. Rated 89 by Wine Spectator and in my humble opinion, this is under rated. |
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Retail $10. Gran Sarao Brut Cava Penedes
Ok, I didn’t talk about Cavas, but this is a damn good sparkler at this price point. Notes of apricot, tart granny smith apples, bread dough (the yeast flavor) and tiny, tiny bubbles make this a standout. Nice floral note and a long finish.
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Retail: $11 Clara C Prosecco.
I’m generally not a huge fan of prosecco because it has a bit of an aftertaste I don’t care for, but this is a gem. Big floral nose, mostly rose and wildflowers. The body is round and full with notes of apple and peach. The finish is crisp without being too dry. This is good as an aperitif or with a meal. YUM. Clara C’s Rosato is also very fine rose prosecco. |
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Retail $10-12. Cupcake Prosecco
If you are looking for something to toast with but aren’t looking to drink a lot of, then this is your bottle. The bubbles are very fine with notes of lemons and a lot of grapefruit (a little too much grapefruit for my taste). A bit of toastiness in the finish. It isn’t my favorite, but it is readily available in most markets and it will do a fine job if all you want is something to pop at midnight. |
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Retail: $20 Chandon Sparkling Wine Etoile Brut.
90 points by the Wine Enthusiast. Very dry but a silky drinking wine. Subtle notes of cherries and other red berries, peach and touch of vanilla. No apple here! |
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Retail is north of $100. Perrier Jouet Flowers
Yes, I know I said I’m not into expensive bubbly. This is truly an exception to that rule if it is a special occasion or an expense account situation. Rated consistently north of 90 points, this wine is such a treat. Known for a very rose-based nose (thus the flowers), this wine is creamy with vanilla and a little apple comes through in the finish. A delight to drink. I was proposed to while sipping on this wine at the Hotel Chevre-D’or in Eze France overlooking the Mediterranean. It was perfect for the moment and probably colors my appreciation for this wine. |
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Retail $10. Freixenet Brut de Noirs.
I wanted to end on an inexpensive note. This is the only Freixenet you should by, IMHO. Very light Cava wine and the salmon color is gorgeous. Spicy with notes of flowers and sour cherries. The finish is a bit creamy with a touch of vanilla. Again, this is a festive wine for toasting, but not for a lot of drinking. |
Let’s talk about the ones you want to avoid now. Unless you are a high school kid, please avoid any sparkling with the following words: Andre, Duck, and Boone’s Farm.
Champagne is the only wine that leaves a woman beautiful after drinking it.
– Madame De Pompadour
Stay beautiful this New Year’s Eve! Salut!
Hi haters!! Well, it seems that Codename:Stabby got some hate mail because I called you Crasstalkers “dicks”. You Crasstalkers have some thin skin for such a tough name and that’s all I have to say on that issue.
Anyway, we didn’t go rompies today because it is raining. AGAIN. But, we did go rompies yesterday and it was AWESOME!! We went to our regular place but we took a different trail before the one that goes up the mountain, which is the one we usually take. So this new trail is flat and goes along the river. It. Was. Great! I got off the leash for four miles! Codename:Stabby did her intervals and we had a great time. Also, it was sunny and warm. No pics though because we left the phone at home. Then we got groceries and went to the post office and went home. I had tuna juice on my food for dinner and then I slept. It was a great day.
It’s supposed to rain again tomorrow, which I am not at all happy about. I think I’ll probably get a rompie on the upper football field at the high school again. That seems to be our rainy day routine.
Since #crosstalk isn’t cooperating today, here’s an open thread. Enjoy. Continue reading