Terrifying Man-Mummy Humanity’s Only Hope Against Newtpocalypse, or, Hey, What’s the Deal With Ron Paul?

Bronze Age Congressman Ron Paul reclines in his sarcophagus, awaiting America's call.
Loathsome space-slug Leroy Newton Gingrich stands astride the GOP political landscape like a moist, unpleasant colossus. The other candidates are struggling to escape being crushed by his terrible bulk, with limited success. Willard “10K” Romney has erected a fortress made of $100 bills, where he uses a solid gold megaphone that once belonged to the Shah of Iran to shout increasingly contradictory messages to confused Iowa peasants. This appears to be no more effective than his previous media effort, which consisted largely of loading a trebuchet with Susan B. Anthony dollars and firing it into crowds. Willard has devolved into the ineffectual love-child of Richie Rich and C-3PO. Michelle Bachmann has begun praying in an effort to alter Earth’s gravity. Rick Perry, in an attempt to harness the awesome power of nonsense, has vowed to fight a chicken with his own hands if that’s what it takes to stop Gingrich. Ricky Santorum is running around in tiny circles, and  presumably criticizing Gingrich as well, but only small excitable dogs can hear his high-pitched squeals. Some of the Republican party’s senior grifters are beginning to panic at the prospect of a vile space-gangster with an insatiable appetite for Earth-women as the party standard-bearer. Continue reading →

The Best TV of 2011: Drama

Like yesterday’s post, only more brooding and homicidal.

Breaking Bad: It’s pretty simple at this point. If you’re not watching Breaking Bad you’re an idiot and better be contributing great things to society. Because missing out on TV’s finest hour-long drama is inexcusable. Showrunner Vince Gilligan has steadily taken more risks with the plot and in the fourth season the writers went all out. One five-minute sequence in the season premeire involving a box cutter set the tone, which this season was along the lines of “Holy shit.” A lull in the middle led some fans to question whether the creative minds were on the right track but the last third of the season blew audiences away. Another season, another otherworldly performance by Aaron Paul and Bryan Cranston. But season 4 belonged to Giancarlo Esposito as drug kingpin Gus Fring. Special shout-out to composer David Porter and music supervisor Thomas Golubi for his fantastic song choices. Continue reading →

I’m Talking About a Revolution

Consider if you will a small country mired in conflict, with the barbarians (the International Monetary Fund) storming the gate. Tempers are high, the old guard leadership model fails, leaving its citizenry to forge for themselves buffeted by the winds of international pressures. Join us as we explore the lives of that citizenry who now find themselves living in a New World Order of their own design.
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QOTD: Let’s All Go to the Movies 2011

Confession: I almost never go to movies. My husband and I just don’t have the money to spend twenty-five bucks on someone flashing their glaringly bright cell phone screen at us while some baby who’s way too young to be viewing Die Hard 17: Effing Die Already cries from the back row. This year, however, I made it to the theater quite a few times, for which I was very proud of myself.

Now, did I see anything remotely resembling a cinematic masterpiece? No, I saw things like Monte Carlo starring The Wizardess of Bieber Place, Blair Waldorf, and a woman who should’ve sealed herself in a box after Melrose Place got canceled so she could successfully preserve the one time in her life she didn’t suck at her craft. But still! There were probably some good movies out there this year, right? So tell us, in response to the Question of the Day: What Was Your Favorite Movie of 2011? Continue reading →

The Year in Rock & Pop: Part Two

As mentioned in our previous installment, 2011 was a particularly active year in the music industry. In this post, we will get address some of the past year’s biggest developments – the good, the bad, the ludicrous, and the hilarious. Continue reading →

Seal Commits Home Invasion

A baby fur seal walks into a ….

From the land of the long swapped vowel.

This is a seal with ambition and drive, but don’t you hate it when others change the radio station on you? RUDE!

Seal Pup Wanders into New Zealand Home

Baby fur-seal* wriggled through the cat-door. (best use ever of the word ‘wriggled’.)

From Sky News:

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Five Gifts Under $50

There is still plenty of time to order gifts for all your loved ones and people you’re obligated to get gifts for even though you don’t love them. To help you pick the very best gifts we have hand picked these items from all price ranges that are sure to impress.  Click the image on any of the gifts to buy it on Amazon. Continue reading →

The Passion and Romance of a Small Law Firm

Hush now children, and listen to a crazy law firm tale. This happened during the reign of Bush I, also known as the “L.A. Law” years. I was a legal secretary at a firm that handled everything but family law. This is important later in the story. The firm had five “named” partners, that is, their last names made up the firm’s name, like “Dewie, Cheatem, and Howe.” Continue reading →