Things Television Commercials Should Say

There are two types of commercials that annoy most viewers. 1) The ones you see ad nauseum 2) The ones that say or do something so silly that it is instantly mockable. You know the ones. The kind that you can just see all the ad execs sitting around patting themselves on the back for producing a revolutionary! artistic! stunningly awful! thing that you’d frankly never want to see again, because it tests your patience, insults your intelligence, or just outright steals from your youth like a Kardashian looking for a soul wrapped in money. Is Mr. T wearing a Mohawk toupee’?! Yep. This is what I’m saying. Continue reading →

Music Criticism with the Westboro Baptist Church

Things have been slow for the Westboro Baptist Church recently. With the country’s attention firmly focused on the Republican primaries and slutty law students contraceptives, Fred Phelps’ goon squad has been relegated to also-ran status in the race to the bottom. Never content to rest on their laurels, the Westboro Baptist Church has abandoned its routine harassment of gay Americans, dead soldiers, Whitney Houston, and victims of natural disasters to try its hand at music criticism. Continue reading →

Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Baby You Can Drive My Car

Previously on The Celebrity Apprentice. George Takei was confused and didn’t know how to properly utilize the Hulk’s amazing ability to feel his feelings! There were shoes, and drama, and late people and Day and Night with Invanka. In the end, George got beamed back to the Enterprise, and gave us all his happy dance, which is more entertaining than this steaming pile of dreck. On to the recap! Continue reading →

On the Cover of a Magazine: RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 4 Episode 7

“Colored girl, why yo base look like chalk?” Well played, Milan. A funny spin on Ru’s lyrics is a light and memorable way to exit the show. You’re the first one to do this right. Chad said she loved Milan, that she was class act. For the most part, yes. I’m still disappointed that Milan didn’t compete as strongly as it seemed she would. Willam asks Jiggly if she thinks she’ll win the show. Crickets. Oookay then. Hit the jump, and let’s dish. Continue reading →

eBaying at the Moon: Taking Care of Business

The first time I purchased something on eBay was 1999—a gently used Nintendo64 from some guy in Kansas I think. It was remarkably pain-free, as far as buying something off the internet from a stranger goes. Over the years, I’ve made a number of varied purchases via the world’s biggest auction site. As the site has grown into the billion dollar behemoth it is today, so has the range of items you can purchase, which is both amazing and a little frightening. Continue reading →

The Walking Dead Recap: The Reckoning

Rage. It is a caustic thing. And there is nothing like the low-simmering boil of an all-consuming rage. It is blinding. It is a noxious cancer that coils deeply within searching unendingly for release, for a way to seep out and possibly infect others, or to explode forth and cover everyone it touches in hellfire. Once down this powder keg of a road one knows the fallout will be great, and possibly, if victims and bystanders are lucky it will be mete out with justice. Yet, in a world overrun with zombies you’d better hope the guy with the rage is on your side. Continue reading →

Movie Review: Friends with Kids

The premise: Jon Hamm, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Chris O’Dowd (no I’m not talking about Bridesmaids), Jennifer Westfeldt and Adam Scott are a set of pretty good looking set of friends. SPOILERS AFTER THE JUMP. Continue reading →