I was watching Pat Kiernan on NY1 this morning when the Gawker-Lee story came on. “The story here is how short the story is. Within three hours of the article, Congressman Lee had resigned.” And then he moved on. Continue reading
92BuickLeSabre
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…or should that be our 5-0th state?
There really weren’t too many lessons to be learned from Hawaii Five-0 this week. I hope you aren’t disappointed. But I’ll still share what I learned from the episode where four very, very evil people used Triathlons as cover for their crimes.
1) Snow cone guys are a lot more important than I realized. Apparently they hang out with high-level law enforcement all the time. Even when they are just working around the house. (Either that or I’m just missing the cues that “our hero” has very, very broad tastes.)
2) If you are the highest ranking law enforcement official in the state, with complete immunity and a direct line to the governor, you can totally just give your phone away to other people, no problem. Like “Oh, you sat on my phone, that’s gross. You keep it.” levels of no problem.
3) Being a Rookie Cop sucks. And you should always wear your bathing suit instead of underwear in case you have to strip down and jump in the water all the time.
I seriously hate this Travelers’ commercial. The one with the rattlesnake with the baby rattle instead of a real rattle. And the rabbits are no longer afraid and start laughing at it. And it curls up and cries.
Bullshit.
They need to show the next ten seconds of that ad, where the rattlesnake remembers “Oh, hey, I don’t kill rabbits with my rattle, I kill them with my speed and fangs and venom!” and then proceeds to strike at each in quick succession as they lay back with exposed bellies giggling to their deaths.
Occasionally, I’d like to touch on something a little more serious. Countless critics provide quality artistic and socio-political analysis of today’s high quality dramas: Mad Men, Breaking Bad, The Walking Dead, Top Chef. But I’m afraid that this particular focus has led us to ignore the important lessons we can learn from America’s Top New Drama: Hawaii Five-O. Here are some important lessons from this week’s episode. Continue reading
So imagine, hypothetically, that you just started writing on a blog with a bunch of people that you barely know. It would probably be pretty similar to singing Karaoke with your co-workers, right? A collaborative endeavor, where you are feeling each other out and you will see each other again tomorrow, but the interactions are mediated, and it’s not like you are likely to really tell someone else how you really feel.
How much is too much?
As with Karaoke, it’s a fine balance. Start posting a lot more than everyone else? You’re a mic hog. Everyone will secretly wish that you would just go home. Post too little? Well now the party is just going to suck. And you know what? It will be your fault. Plus, you will force them to pick up the slack, turning them into mic hogs!
Song selection matters
Yeah, I love Steve Reich too, but just because you somehow found a Karaoke Bar with Different Trains Part I doesn’t mean that you should find yourself murmuring “fastest train” and “From New York to Los Angeles” into a microphone. We are all busy; we could be anywhere. Make it fun.
Drinking!
Do it. Actually, this one is pretty simple.
Experiment
Sure, everyone says that you should bang out your “go to” songs. But this is wrong. And boring. If I wanted to listen to a perfect version of Midnight at the Oasis, I’d ring up Maria Muldaur. I can’t imagine she’s very busy. (This is how it’s done!) Nope. I want to hear you try something new and crazy. I want to laugh (and drink). Something you are familiar with in the middle of the evening is fine, but you should be pushing yourself. Give me something new!
…but not too much
But look, if you have only heard the chorus to a song, don’t sing it. If you don’t know anything about the subject, don’t make me read about it. Unless it’s really funny. Then it’s okay again.
Whatever you do, don’t start with a defense of anonymity and then a musing on blog-sharing etiquette. That’s like leading off with I Will Remember You and Sweet Caroline. What kind of loser are you anyway?
*Not of “Anonymous”
Anonymity is getting a bad reputation on the internet. Synonymous with trolling and cybervandalism, the obvious negatives have come to define the concept. But allowing that to happen ignores the internet’s initial promise. When combined with actual rational discourse (a stretch, I know), anonymity actually does allow us to engage in a public version of private discourse in ways that were never possible before.
Remember when we all lived in villages? Anonymity was impossible.
It wasn’t even a word until the early 17th century.
Sure, those villages were able to raise children. But everything about those kids’ futures were planned out for them before they were born. Just ask John Butcher, William Baker, and Robert Candlestickmakerson. Want to stretch your wings or think your own thoughts? Try migration or exile. Oh, but watch out for slavery and xenophobia while you are out on the road! Want to branch out here at home? I’ve picked out a nice jail cell for you.
The modern world? It finally promised us anonymity. Sure, Debbie Downer Durkheim liked to point out the negatives, but it also allowed us to create new personas, be new people. If we didn’t like country values, then we could try on city values. Durkheim meet Draper.
The anonymity of the city did require us to regulate these new public personas – thank god – but it gave us some freedom for the private persona. Sure, I have to pretend to respect you from M-F, 9-5, but when I get home I have my own little village. Where my old provincial or new radical thoughts can run free.
Free but necessarily private, and therefore still a domain of tied up and unchallenged thoughts and ideals.
Now, here we are with the internet. Finally, a world where one can maintain an acceptably professional public persona (that we are relatively able to choose), but where we can also open some of our private self. Because we are able to do it through an anonymous persona. A universe of the nom de plume!
And this is great! Because we do all have our own progressive and regressive thoughts and concerns about controversial matters. Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll, politics, race, gender and religion. Thoughts that we want to have challenged, but are afraid to talk about. (Yes, even you.)
For, arguably the first time, we have a way to express them and open them up for discourse, to have them challenged. To freely develop our private personas. Even to exaggerate them and try on new ideas that we might not have even been willing to try before.
So what do we do with this freedom? (Aside from abuse it through irrational trolling.) First step, voluntarily eliminate it! We tag our online discourse to our facebook profiles. Which takes us right back to where we were. Either living in the modern world, of regulated professional conduct and hidden unchallenged private personas. Or the pre-modern world, where our entire life becomes one big village, merging our personal and private personas in one big oversharey mess.
Well, that, my friends, gets us nowhere.
So here is to defending anonymity. Use it as a chance to engage in a public discourse without fear of public repercussion. Say what you really think and see if it holds up to public scrutiny.
Because the world might learn something from your radical new plan for combining the legalization of marijuana and prostitution, but that doesn’t mean you should have to ruin your career as a Catholic pre-school teacher just to find out.