Blue Apron Review, If You Must

Because I live in a small town that lacks a wide variety of restaurants that will bring food directly to my home so I decided to try Blue Apron, some assembly required, meal delivery service. It’s not that I’m one of those people who stares blankly in the produce section, at a loss over what tastes go with what tastes. I have game in the kitchen. But I prefer simple food (and delivery) because I’m lazy and it takes zero effort to turn damn near anything into a taco.

Blue Apron seemed to be a good answer to my very low stakes food problem. I get to eat new shit, and the ingredients are delivered to my door, which is 12 steps from my couch. The delivery service was great. Everything arrived cold even though my first box sat outside overnight. The bummers didn’t begin until meal assembly time. There are five issues that make Blue Apron incompatible with my life:

  1. Following new recipes is a lot of effort.
  2. I overestimated the amount of effort I’m willing to put in for dinner.
  3. It’s hard to go from no rice wine vinegar in your diet to 80% rice wine vinegar in your diet.
  4. I think salt and pepper are the only spices the Blue Apron chefs are aware of.
  5. So much chopping.

There is no Apron plan for SINGLE SAD LONELY PEOPLE so I selected the 3 meals for 2 people for $60. That’s not a bad price for six meals, and don’t worry you will definitely get 6 meals out of your box. Blue Apron does not have a portion problem.

My first week menu was:

  • Brown butter cod with corn, shishito peppers and purple potatoes
  • Lemongrass chicken burgers
  • Seared pork chops and plum salsa

My second (and final) week menu was:

  • Chilled chicken ramen
  • Basque-style lamb and beef piperade
  • Seared cod and summer succotash

Only two of the six options sounded exciting to me, the chicken burgers and the piperade. The rest just seemed like a lot of work to go through for a meal that wouldn’t have even made my top 10 in a restaurant. After reading the recipe for the pork chop, I just threw the pork chop in a pan, ate the plum, and put the little bag of rice in my emergency kit. On the positive side, Blue Apron helped me find out about shishito peppers and they are delicious. Think okra, but not slimy with those gross, little seeds.

In conclusion, I’m gonna stick to smoothies, tacos, and oatmeal. When I want to shake it up I’ll hop in my car.

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