In 2015 everyone has rage about the concept of manspreading. There are those who think anyone who manspreads is not only a rude jackass who revels in splaying his junk in an apparent display of superiority, but who is also attempting to suggest to you, unexpecting female train rider, that you should not only behold all that is magnificent about male genitalia, but be so threatened by the glory of every man’s significant crotch circus that you should swoon and feel a bit faint just by being in its presence, if not fearful of its magnitude. All the while, pro-spreaders say simply, “Dude, my balls get hot if confined, so I need the space to keep things loose and moving ‘down there.'”
So who’s right, and more importantly, how do we solve the problem if indeed there is one.
What is Manspreading?
CityLab defines it as this: “Manspreading is the term for when a man sits on public transportation with his legs spread so far apart that he encroaches on the space beside him and makes fellow riders uncomfortable.”
Is it rude to Manspread?
Sure! Along with putting your bag on the seat next to you, parking a stroller in front of the train doors, ignoring not only the infirm, but pregnant women, the elderly, or parents with children by not offering them your seat, along with a myriad other rude things people do when a train is crowded.
Are men doing it because they’re privileged jerks?
Maybe! Why does anyone do anything that can be construed as being rude? A) They may not know that what they’re doing is rude. B) This person definitely knows and is indeed an asshole.
Here’s what Matt Gurney, a reporter with Toronto’s National Post, had to say on the subject:
“When I first began seeing stories pop up about manspreading, I first assumed it was a seasonal joke. Something right out of Jackass. I still haven’t entirely convinced myself it isn’t. My next reaction was to suddenly find myself wondering how much space I take up when riding a subway or bus. I’m never intentionally obnoxious and will happily yield a seat to a woman or older person, but once I am seated I invariably start reading on my phone and zone out. A whole platoon of pregnant ladies on crutches could board the vehicle after that and I’d probably fail to notice. When I do notice someone who needs help, I give it; when I’ve seen people behaving badly on transit, I’ve called them out, politely or otherwise…”
This is probably the typical response to an outrage such as this. Basically, “Hey, I do what I can, when I’m aware, but sometimes I may not be cognizant of the shape and size of the space my man-tent is taking up.” Notice, however, that he didn’t say that his balls need their own special train car, because they’re the last balls of the earth that can populate a distant dystopia where we all fly and can fire off an entire opera through our noses, because of how super special balls are.
No, that’s what this group maintains. The Canadian Association for Equality or CAFE has decided that due to biology men (henceforth know as, “the man bulby bits in their temperature regulated scrotal greenhouse”) need to keep their legs golden-arches open for fear of squishing. SQUISHING! As in, “OMG! My thighs are touching and my balls are in there!” Despite the fact that men can and have sat with their legs crossed at the thigh, knee, and ankle quite often since the beginning of sitting. They want you to know that speaking out against manspreading is akin to man-bashing, and since women breastfeed, it should be super okay for men to, we dunno, dong-foist upon the world for purely self-fulfillment purposes.
So, Does Science Prove that Men Need More Room for their Genitals?
No. Not unless you’ve recently had a hernia, or are recovering from scrotile surgery (such as a vasectomy) or a penile surgery (such as a penile prosthesis implant), as Dr. Michael Eisenberg, a Yale-trained MD and assistant professor of urology at the Stanford School of Medicine tells Yahoo News.
“There is no convincing data that sitting with one’s legs closed will have a large impact on sperm production or testicular function…[S]imply sitting with legs closed, especially for a relatively short commute, should be fine,” says Dr. Eisenberg.
In fact, many men’s style guides will tell you that sitting with legs crossed is actually rather comfortable. No, not as comfortable as letting your entire body splash down upon whatever sitting instrument you’ve come in contact with like a liquid bowl of mashed potatoes, but comfortable enough that one should be able to get through a train ride, or a job interview, or a casual outing, or anywhere going outside is deemed a necessity without needing a blood transfusion.
In this Style Guy excerpt from GQ magazine, when asked, style guru Glenn O’Brien says:
“A lot of men think about their standing but then sort of lie down on a chair. Sitting is just the social end of good posture. I once attended an Alexander Technique class, which is all about good posture and how it affects your back, and the instructors kept talking about our “sit bones.” It sounds silly, but it’s true that your sit bones—let’s call them the butt bones for fun—not the middle of your back, should be in contact with the chair or seating surface. I believe sitting up straight really does help you pay attention, or at least appear to be paying attention, which, in business, is almost as good. It’s OK to cross your legs at the ankles or at the knees when you’re relaxing. Just avoid the crotch-shot Sharon Stone position. You’re not Sharon Stone. Once you get in the habit of sitting properly, you shouldn’t have to think about it anymore and you can devote that time to thinking about cheap, renewable sources of energy.”
So what in the world do we do about manspreading?
We could take pictures of the offenders in an effort to forever shame them. We could release a bunch of new PSAs in attempt to curb the behavior. Or how about we just turn to the offender and say, “Guy, you’re manspreading all over the place here, let’s close up shop a little, eh?”
Chris Selley of the National Post adds:
“I think it shows the limitations of this slacktivist, campaign-driven, denunciation-based approach to problem solving in a larger sense. I assume that while the anti-manspreadists pursue total victory in the Great Gender Wars, they would also appreciate having a seat on the subway. Pitting men against women in an online battle royale is unlikely to be productive in this regard — and it’s silly, because everyone hates the subway yobs [assholes], regardless of their downstairs equipment. I thus propose a radically different approach: If someone is slouching over a seat, or has placed his or her parcels on it, or is smacking you about the mouth with his or her giant backpack, or is blocking an escalator or doorway, why not just ask him or her nicely to desist? What do you think, fellow human panellists? Is it crazy enough to work?”
We know, we know, it sounds soooo easy. We don’t want to give the impression that speaking out against balls-to-wall sitting mania is some sort of dirty or futile business, but before we find more creative ways to out the offensive let’s just see if a little awareness and direct conversation helps. We also understand that it’s possible that unlike women, men maybe haven’t been told endlessly “How to Sit Like a Man” the way women have been told since before we were out of diapers, “How to Sit Like a [Little] Lady.” We’ll ignore all the puritanical rage-fuel about purity and chastity…and just get right to the parts that should be applicable to all genders, which is mainly, “It’s impolite to sit with your reproductive organs flared for the world to see, whether you’re Sharon Stone or Todd Borington from Boringsville, New Boring.” Here’s a visual aid:
