This week, fewer calories and 0% fat.
Last Week: Sansa went on the run with Littlefinger and Tyrion sat alone in the dungeons, dismissing the loyal Podrick Payne from service. Tommen was given some pointers on how to be king. The writers had Jaime rape Cersei in a truly unforgivable change to the book scene, which I’m going to ignore so that his character still makes sense. Arya and Sandor Clegane stopped for a meal, which turned into a robbery (also non-canonical), and then continued on their way to the Eyrie. Sam took Gilly and Baby Sam to Mole’s Town, which seemed ill-advised. Tywin convinced Oberyn to take a deal and play judge in Tyrion’s trial. Daenerys Targaryen offered Meereenite slaves a deal. And lastly, the wildings made their move.
This week:
- The Meereenites bravely throw off their chains and kill their masters, then turn the city over to a Westerosi noblewoman.
- Bran, the Reeds, and Hodor get themselves and Summer captured by the mutineers at Craster’s Keep. Undoubtedly kindly Karl will find some use for them.
- Jon Snow is being dispatched to the Keep by Alliser Thorne, who is hoping he will stay there permanently. Jon is unknowingly taking Bolton lackey Locke with him. Hopefully he frees poor Ghost and hopefully Ghosts eats some people.
- Cersei is dealing with Joffrey’s death the only way she knows how, drinking herself insensate and trying to get her brother to murder everyone. She is weak right now.
- Bronn, of all people, guilts Jaime into seeing Tyrion, and I think for the first time Jaime admits his paternity to someone other than Cersei. Tyrion denies that Sansa did it. The faith that husband and wife have in each other is actually kind of touching.
- Sansa learned of her unwitting role in the assassination of Joffrey is revealed by Littlefinger, and she loses just a little bit more of her innocence. Good, she’ll need to be on her toes when she’s with her crazy aunt Lysa.
- How would you react if you found out your gran murdered your new husband? Margaery takes her advice and starts seducing the new one, who is in way over his head. Just ask Ser Pounce.
- Jaime and Brienne have a touching separation (I’m ignoring last episode so that I can enjoy it). Jaime gifts her with a properly fitting suit of armor, his Valyrian steel blade (which she dubs Oathkeeper), and Podrick Payne, who is deliriously happy to have purpose in life once again. They leave to find Sansa before Cersei does.
- And just in case you forgot, all of this political wrangling doesn’t matter because all of Craster’s sons are coming for everyone.
