RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap – Cumin for You

Rupaul's drag raceLast time on RuPaul’s Drag Race, the queens bayed at the moon like a cat in heat, and April Carrion sashayed away.

Afterwards, Bianca gives Trinity some praise, while Darienne doesn’t understand Milk’s drag. Darienne feels that she was giving Adele at the Tonys, whereas Milk is doing Phyllis Diller in the delivery room. Would that make giving birth any better? Laganja is still crying about last week’s Untucked, which doesn’t endear her to us. Bianca asks her if she needs help packing.

Gia and Laganja prance into the workroom; vogueing and posing. Laganja needs attention, which is calculated to make Bianca just adore her. Langanja is also wearing a hat? wig? thing that looks like something my mother macramed in the 70’s. All of this fun is interrupted by Shemail. RuPaul is saying something but I’m distracted by the swirling pink leg. Did anyone see that? Did someone put something in my drink? The main challenge is The Snatch Game, which means there’s no mini challenge! Everyone’s going ga-ga (and if we’re lucky, no one will actually be doing Gaga).

Adore might actually be prepared for this one, a shocker to everyone involved. Ben, on the other hand, knew this was coming, but is a queen who doesn’t do impressions and doesn’t feel ready. Laganja has already decided on Rachael Zoe, which sounds like a bad idea. First of all, no one watches that show and secondly, no one knows who Rachael Zoe is. Bianca is dead set on doing Judge Judy, until Courtney points out that she’s one of RuPaul’s idols. Ruh-roh! This could go either way, and Bianca will probably have to knock this out of the park.

Ru comes to check in on the queens. Adore is Anna Nicole Smith, which is spot on, but that’s more due to the fact that they’re the same person. Ben has decided on Maggie Smith, and Ru immediately gives him the Look. Nothing Ben says (which, honestly, wasn’t a lot) can save him from the dreaded “You’ve got a lot of work to do.” Laganja brings up Rachael Zoe, and Ru asks about her list of catch phrases. Milk is doing Julia Child, which could be hysterical, but something seems off, which Ru notices. Ru seems very excited about Judge Judy, which worries Bianca even more. Gia has decided to be Selena. For those of you at home who are … of Gia’s age range or IQ status, we’re not talking about Selena Gomez. Apparently, Gia’s going to try and do a bad Spanish accent and hope it’s funny. The mainstage look is going to be the Night of 1000 Ru’s! All the queens have to come in their best RuPaul look.

Heather McDonald and Gillian Jacobs are tonight’s guest judges. Some of you know them, some of you don’t. Rounding out the team, Courtney Act is Fran Drescher, though she looks more like Elaine from Seinfeld. Darienne Lake is Paula Deen. Gia’s changed her look to Kim Kardashian, though I spent the whole show thinking Kimora Lee Simmons. Same person, right? Joslyn Fox is Teresa Guidice. Ben’s Downton Maggie Smith is much better than expected and Trinity is Nicki Minaj.

Ben, Bianca, and Adore knock it out of the park. Adore is REALLY channeling Anna Nicole Smith. Either that or she’s on some serious muscle relaxers. Either way, good for her! Bianca does a perfect Judge Judy, though she ends up being overshadowed by Ben’s one liners. I’d say more, but, honestly, it’s something you need to watch, even if you don’t see the whole episode. This year’s group of queens, made up for last year’s extremely lackluster version.

In prepping for the mainstage, Adore talks about his body, and feels that his proportions are off. Ben tells us how he was fat for most of his life, and the lessons he learned from that. Bianca shows that, underneath the Rolodex of Hate, there’s an incredibly wonderful person, and gives Adore a spare cincher. On the mainstage, Michelle is dressed like Ru. Santino isn’t. The queens come down in their best RuPaul inspired drag, with varying amounts of success. Everyone’s jaw drops when Milk shows up as WorkRoom RuPaul, though gender-bending as it is, looks a lot better than Milan did when she tried to wear a suit. Courtney, Darienne, Joslyn, and Trinity are all safe.

The judges felt that Gia was flat, with no personality and wasn’t funny. I would love for them to put us out of her misery. Laganja was less Rachael whomever and more The Chicken Lady from Kids in the Hall (look it up). She was a good femmebot, but her Snatch Game was more William Shatner. Bianca was hailed as doing everything just right. I have a feeling she’s going to have older child syndrome in this show, if you know what I mean. The judges felt that Adore’s runway look had nothing to do with RuPaul, but thank you for being cinched. Her Anna Nicole was perfect. I contend that she might have won if her runway look was decent. Everyone loved Ben, though Michelle pointed out that it’s another old lady and they’d like to see more variety. Milk is both offensive and amazing, though Michelle really wants to see some glam looks. This makes Milk afraid of standing out for all the wrong reasons, but in the end, the judges do commend her for making bold choices.

Ben wins, and Adore and Bianca seem rather pissed. Milk is safe, but just by the seat of RuPaul’s pants. Laganja and Gia take the bottom two and have to lip synch to “Head to Toe.” It’s boring, and Gia does the world’s slowest reveal. Laganja stays, Gia goes, and most of us wish they both had gone home. Gia looks pissed and leaves with a “You guys are still dudes!” What a nice person.

Next week, hip hop videos!

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