Well, it’s RuPaul’s Drag Race time again!! Are you ready?! So, this has been broken up into two parts. Seven queens in one episode, seven in another, and two get eliminated. Interesting. So, we’re on part 1, which was partially shown online, for some of you. RuPaul explains that the winner gets a lot of money and a whole bunch of cosmetics.
The queens come in and yammer at each other, the way they do. RuPaul joins us all and introduces us to Mike Ruiz, the first photo challenge and the new pit crew. Never leave me, Sean Morales. However, the new crew has two new members, both sponsored by Scruff. Now, I’d forgive you if you had no clue they were, since both look to be waxed to within an inch of their lives.
Adore is the first queen to get shot (when I was taking my notes, I kept typing “Adora” because, well, that’s how She-Ra’s name is spelled). She’s got her green wig and red dress, and is ready for anything. Mike asks her to jump off the balcony into the pit of Styrofoam, she pauses for a moment. I’m not sure she’s the brightest eye shadow in the box. BenDeLaCreme is second. We like her, by the way. Mike doesn’t like the faces she’s making, but it’s part of the showy character. Side note, she started out doing drag burlesque in Chicago AND said she really tried to not participate in the whole “fish” type language backstage, so good for her! Gia Gunn comes in and can’t figure any of this out, though she’s not the first one to be confused. Laganja jumps and has pretty pointed toes that Mike likes. Kelli (Kelly?) Mantle is next and awkward and keeps making weird noises.
Afterwards, the queens undress/untuck and chat. Who’s old, who’s young, who’s on their game, who’s not, all of that stuff. Whatever. Adore has this whole “I’m totally high and unprepared for everything” vibe that’s making it hard for me to like her. RuPaul shows up to announce the photo winner, Laganja. The dolls must then follow Ru to the loading dock, where there’s a U-Haul, and Ru is asking if they want to meet the next set of contestants. Inside the U-Haul, however, are not more drag queens, but boxes with TV shows listed on them. Thankfully, the boxes are fully of stuff to be used for outfits, not Shangela, and Laganja gets to assign the queens to a show.
Laganja picks “Dancing with the Stars.” Your guess is as good as mine. She gives April “Duck Dynasty,” and I’m assuming this was filmed before the kerfuffle with THAT show. Or maybe not. Gia gets “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” which I read as “Keeping Up Appearances,” which would have been a better choice, but for someone else. Vivacious gets “Game of Thrones.” Adore is given “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” and complains because she wanted “Golden Girls.” I really have no idea why, but I’m also over “Golden Girls” and the gay obsession with it (I’m totally Rose). Kelly Mantle gets “Downton Abbey,” and lastly, BenDeLaCreme gets “Golden Girls.”
Back in the workroom, April hates her box. Adore thinks everything smells. Ru joins with a Here Comes Honey Ru Ru, and we find that Adore was on American Idol, for those of you who care. Adore is passionate about things. And high. Vivacious talks about “Game of Thrones” in a way that shows that she’s never really watched the show. Ru thinks she’s nuts. Kelly reminds Ru of a young Carol Burnett, and Kelly is overjoyed at this comparison. April is lost and doesn’t know what to do with her box. Gia is really dumb. We find that Adam Lambert is the guest judge, and Adore is so excited that she glues her dress to the mannequin.
For the runway, RuPaul looks very Elsa from “Frozen” and Adam Lambert has lost a bunch of weight and looks like a Jonas Brother. Can we talk about that level of stardom where you suddenly have to get a six pack after talking about how you were healthy, before? I’m looking at you, Ms. Jennifer Hudson. Anyway, Gia starts us off with a stripped clubby number. April does a brown thunderdome thing that reminds me of PhiPhi O’Hara’s first number. Laganja is wearing a lot of black with an ill-fitting silver top. Kelly has a very flowing wrapped number. Adore is giving us a bunch of pastels thrown together. Vivacious has a bunch of feathers and silver lame. Crème comes out in a stunning gown thing and is carrying a cheesecake. Easily the best of the evening.
Gia’s look is simple and flawless (I think they’re talking about the make up), but Michelle doesn’t like the boots with the open leg. Adam doesn’t like her. April changed her idea and is given props for that. Ru doesn’t like the hair. Laganja was tripping on her skirt and the neckline swallows her up. Adam says she needs to be more fishy and I inwardly groan about how let’s not do that this season. What makes it worse is that Adam is decidedly not funny nor insightful. I guess some of us can only be “pretty.” Ru thinks there are too many things going on and says that she was the same at a younger age. The judges don’t like Kelly’s outfit. Michelle thinks the top looks like bacon, which is a bad thing, though . . . bacon. I love the term “Shake and Go” wig. Adore can’t talk and then vomits out some words about an 80’s mermaid prom designed by Heatherette, and sounds like a really bad and ignorant version of Chloe (btw, when I say ignorant, I mean not educated. I think she said Heatherette way too much and shows no signs of knowing any other designers). Ugh. Everyone thinks the outfit is a mess. Vivacious has a distinct NYC ball walk, but the hairline was way too low. Everyone was also impressed with Crème’s craftsmanship, since it was hot glued by hand. The judges talk about Crème’s character choices, though. I really like her, but since she’s similar in style to Jinkx, I’m a little worried she won’t make it as far as she should. We’ll see what the rest of the queens do, next week.
Ru announces that she’s not giving immunity this season. This falls surprisingly flat for such a big announcement. Crème wins, and Kelly and Vivacious are up for elimination. The song is Madonna’s “Express Yourself.” It’s lackluster on both ends. Kelly’s doing a stand and pose thing, and Vivacious is pounding around the stage. Let’s just say that, unfortunately, whomever wins, unless they up their game, is probably going to be doing this again really soon. Vivacious stays, which is sad because I’d like to see more of Kelly. Maybe we will, but hopefully not like this. Join me for next week and round 2!
