It’s no secret that Law and Order SVU has been going off the rails for years now. Now in it’s—what? 70th?—season, the show’s “writers” (you can’t convince me it’s not a room full of pot-addled monkeys churning this shit out) reach into a grab bag of the nation’s most offensive headlines and do a twisted mashup that’s so confusing, that on many occasions, the end of the episode literally has nothing to do with the beginning.
Now, with the departure of Chris Meloni and no more Detective (un)Stabler, the focus of the show has shifted to Mariska Hargitay and her Mary Sue character, Olivia Benson. Boy, does she get to do and experience everything! Why, last season, she…oh, I dunno, became obsessed with some rapist/stalker/grab bag douchebag and in the season finale, he surprised her in her apartment! Cliffhanger!
This season’s two hour opener is basically a Mariska Hargitay Emmy Reel. They might as well have just run a crawl that said, “For Your Consideration.” The rapist douchebag traumatizes Olivia and the viewing audience for nigh unto forty minutes until Olivia is able to turn the tables and, in one harrowing moment, beat the shit out of her captor.
But she doesn’t kill him. What. EVER.
The next hour is, of course, RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES. Gods forbid the pot monkeys write something different. Remember when SVU used to do original cases? Or cases that may have been influenced by a current event as opposed to a straight up retelling of such? Remember when Elliot Stabler would rage against EVERYTHING? And Ice-T knew EVERYTHING about The Black Community, while Munch would act like an even more grizzled Leonard McCoy? Good times. Anyway, the case du jour is ripped from the headline about the girls who were held captive by Ariel Castro. In SVUland, it’s more about Olivia having flashbacks to the first hour, lying through her teeth to her creepy ass therapist about her feelings about her abduction and rape, cutting her hair, and wearing a godawful peasant top. Sure, there were special victims, but they were all there in service of the Very Special Life that is Olivia Benson. She now has a new trauma under her belt that she can whip out the next time she’s talking to a special victim. SVU is back, and more pot-addled than ever!
Image via Wikipedia.
