Tara Reid still has a job with the sharks if she wants it, Johnny Depp is tired of being that guy finally, Diane Lane takes a walk in a pantsuit, Rush Limbaugh to continue spewing bile from his gaping jaws (Ha! Jaws and Sharks), Star Wars to maybe not slop every CGI thing it can into one movie, and Domes really are scary.
Out of the plastic surgery ruin rises Tara Reid. The formerly “Drunk in South America” globetrotting party girl has officially been welcomed back to star in the sequel to Sharknado. We imagine this must be akin to winning the lottery or winning a toaster oven at Walmart. Uh, okay. It’s really like arriving early for the free food samples at Costco or getting one of those free circulars when you enter the supermarket. No, no, we kid. This is really, really, super great. Skarknado was like a huge successful movie about flying disaster wind sharks? Right? We’re so glad that the producers said Reid is definitely invited back disputing the TMZ rumor that she was not asked to return due to her diva antics…on the set of Sharknado. Yes, diva antics on the set of a movie where the premise was a bunch of tornado sharks that killed people. Tornado sharks as opposed to actual tornadoes. We’re not sure where you go if you get fired from this gig. We suppose that you wait for NBC to create Turtle Tsunamis of Blood or Anaconda Meteor Shower or some such. (THR)
And because you just can’t get enough of murderous sharks with grudges and inexplicably the ability to haunt people? The Syfy network brings you GHOST SHARK! Here’s the trailer. Let’s all groan together (and plan a liveblog maybe.)
Forever whimsical magic dust bunny, Johnny Depp now says he’ll probably retire from acting soon. Yup, and then the world breathed a sigh of relief that it will no longer have to see various versions of Captain Jack Sparrow’s Stuttering Doppelganger in every single one of Depp’s movies as he tries to woo us with, we dunno, his ability to contort himself into the exact same character he’s been doing for the better part of a decade? Yeah, no. That guy won’t be sorely missed. Now, perhaps the guy who brought us What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, or Donnie Brasco, or even Public Enemies. Sure, sure. Those guys will be missed. You know, real type guys able to emote things other than neurotic chagrin and fantastical wordplay? Yes, those guys we’ll ponder about. Everything else that has to do with Depp wrapping his talent in a cloak of ridiculous Tim Burton acting salami…no, we’ll not miss that. (ET)
Well, we’ll finally get to see a walking, talking, acting version of Hillary Clinton’s pantsuits on the big teevee screen. Ha! No. Talbots isn’t creating an animation starring their biggest retail sellers. Diane Lane will play the former First Lady and Secretary of State in NBC’s big four-hour miniseries titled Hillary. We’re excited for this. Not just because we’d been wondering what the hell Diane Lane had been doing until she showed up as Martha Kent in this Summer’s super letdown blockbuster movie, Henry Cavill Smiles Smugly and Acts Badly as an Alien from Post-Apocalyptic Dragon Town, Kryptonburg or as it was more aptly named, Superman. (SPOILER ALERT: Seriously. There were dragons. Russell Crowe flies on a winged dragon creature.) Now, Lane will get to walk in shoes set forth by Julianne Moore and take on playing a huge polarizing female political figure. We fully expect this to be just as interesting. Well, as interesting as NBC, the circus clown network of silly things, can make interesting. Honestly, we’re really hoping for a Michele Bachman biopic starring Amanda Bynes and her wigs. (Us Weekly)
Billowing intestinal waste product, Rush Limbaugh, took to the airwaves to assure his listeners, who we assume are odious creatures who skulk around the undead portals that emerge from the inner sanctum of most red states, that he will indeed continue to be on the air. This comes after rampant rumor that Cumulus Media plans not to renew his and Sean Hannity’s shows, a public service, if we ever heard one. But because he can no way allow for the citizens of this country to be free of his gaseous mouth emissions, Limbaugh wants everyone to know that “everything is cool.” We take this to mean that he’s called upon his skills as a dark overlord and will cajole the media company into continuing to air his show about embarrassing America and stoking the fires of stupidity. Oh good! Where’s our ticket to Costa Rica?(Deadline)
Good God of Lens Flare and Computer Generated Jive Talking Cartoon Donkeys. Lucasfilm’s president says the new Star Wars trilogy will use every ‘every single tool’ in the SFX toolbox. At first we thought this meant MORE flying Yodas and various characters riding on the backs of newly created computer generated Jabba the Hutt worms or something. This actually means that they’re thinking of pulling back on all the CGI use (that made the last three movies stupid), and will instead go back to the story’s origin and film on location instead of using green screens minimally. More changes may be to come. Thank God. (THR)
Under the Dome, the show about a fourth-grade science project wherein everyone makes plant habitats with plastic bags, will get another season. Really, this little show about a mystical dome that covers a town full of secrets and liars and people who hold girls hostage in their militia bunkers will get another season. Seriously, there is just so much happening on this show. Every week another onion layer is peeled back. Does anyone really know anything about the people living under the dome?! We don’t think so. Everyone is Colonel Mustard, and we have to figure out if it was the candlestick in the billard room or the wrench in the kitchen! It’s so taxing. Or really it’s like Lost and Invasion and a myriad other sci-fi shows attempted. So, there’s that. (Vulture)
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