I love movies. More importantly, I love seeing movies before almost everyone else. Certain movies will get me to the theater at midnight, so I figured I’d see them first and write a review the next day so you can get a real review from someone that isn’t a Hollywood hack.
In this installment… our Summer 2013 Movie Preview.
Welp, the summer movie season is upon us, and that means more Midnight Movie Reviews. With the start of the season around the corner, here’s a preview of this summer’s blockbusters.
UPDATE: After some consideration, and much brow-beating by the commentariat, I’m retiring my previous rating system in the hope that my reviews will inspire less lewd and lascivious thoughts from among the rabble.
Also, I don’t review or talk about movies I have no interest in seeing. If you would like to talk about those movies, please feel free to write your own column.
May 3 – Iron Man 3
Synopsis: Marvel’s “Iron Man 3” pits brash-but-brilliant industrialist Tony Stark/Iron Man against an enemy whose reach knows no bounds. When Stark finds his personal world destroyed at his enemy’s hands, he embarks on a harrowing quest to find those responsible. This journey, at every turn, will test his mettle. With his back against the wall, Stark is left to survive by his own devices, relying on his ingenuity and instincts to protect those closest to him. As he fights his way back, Stark discovers the answer to the question that has secretly haunted him: does the man make the suit or does the suit make the man?
Thoughts: Iron Man is my favorite superhero, and this is Marvel’s Big Summer Movie for this year. You bet your shiny metal ass I’m gonna be there at midnight on Friday, soda and 3D glasses in hand/on face.
May 17 – Star Trek Into Darkness
Synopsis: When the crew of the Enterprise is called back home, they find an unstoppable force of terror from within their own organization has detonated the fleet and everything it stands for, leaving our world in a state of crisis. With a personal score to settle, Captain Kirk leads a manhunt to a war-zone world to capture a one man weapon of mass destruction. As our heroes are propelled into an epic chess game of life and death, love will be challenged, friendships will be torn apart, and sacrifices must be made for the only family Kirk has left: his crew.
Thoughts: I’m a huge Star Trek nerd, and this looks incredible. I know a lot of other Star Trek nerds have issues with the Abramsverse, but I don’t. This looks likes a great flick, and I can’t wait to see it.
June 14 – Man Of Steel
Synopsis: A young boy learns that he has extraordinary powers and is not of this Earth. As a young man he journeys to discover where he came from and what he was sent here to do. But the hero in him must emerge if he is to save the world from annihilation and become the symbol of hope for all mankind.
Thoughts: Three straight Jonah Falcon’s to start the summer movie season. I know they say that if you have an erection for more than three hours to call a physician, but what if you have one for six weeks? Man Of Steel is DC’s best chance to begin building a coherent universe to eventually bring the Holy Grail of Comic Book Movies, The Justice League, as well as other heroes like Wonder Woman, The Flash, Aquaman, and Martian Manhunter to the big screen. If Man Of Steel fails, it’s probably curtains for a DC Movie Universe. However, early previews have been exceptionally positive, and the combination of Christopher Nolan producing and Zach Snyder directing is very promising.
June 21 – World War Z
Synopsis: A U.N. employee is racing against time and fate, as he travels the world trying to stop the outbreak of a deadly Zombie pandemic.
Thoughts: Max Brooks’ World War Z is one of my favorite books, and I was super excited to see it hit the big screen. There have apparently been major changes to the plot and storyline to create a more cinematic experience, leading me to wonder how much of the original work remains intact.
July 21 – Pacific Rim
Synopsis: When an alien attack threatens the Earth’s existence, giant robots piloted by humans are deployed to fight off the menace.
Thoughts: Guillermo del Toro directing a movie about giant robots fighting giant monsters from another dimension? There is absolutely nothing about this I wasn’t absolutely on board with. This is going to be the surprise hit of the summer.
July 19 – R.I.P.D.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X07xNrVd7DU
Synopsis: A recently slain cop joins a team of undead police officers working for the Rest in Peace Department and tries to find the man who murdered him.
Thoughts: This could be awful. It could be awesome. I have faith in Ryan Reynolds, Jeff Bridges, and Mary-Louise Parker.
July 26 – The Wolverine
Synopsis: Based on the celebrated comic book arc, this epic action-adventure takes Wolverine (Hugh Jackman), the most iconic character of the X-Men universe, to modern-day Japan. Out of his depth in an unknown world, he will face a host of unexpected and deadly opponents in a life-or-death battle that will leave him forever changed. Vulnerable for the first time and pushed to his physical and emotional limits, he confronts not only lethal samurai steel but also his inner struggle against his own immortality.
Thoughts: Interesting. I’m on board, but I need to see more to be really excited.
August 9 – Elysium
Synopsis: Set in the year 2159, where the very wealthy live on a man-made space station while the rest of the population resides on a ruined Earth, a man takes on a mission that could bring equality to the polarized worlds.
Thoughts: Neill Blomkamp missing out on directing the big-screen adaptation of Halo was a huge disappointment. However, District 9 is one of my favorite movies, and this looks even better.
August 16 – Kick-Ass 2
Synopsis: The costumed high-school hero Kick-Ass joins with a group of normal citizens who have been inspired to fight crime in costume. Meanwhile, the Red Mist plots an act of revenge that will affect everyone Kick-Ass knows.
Thoughts: I loved the original; my only concern is that the sequel is ridiculously violent and over the top in graphic novel form, including a number of very graphic rape scenes.
So, there you have it. Looks like a very solid summer, with plenty to look forward to. See you at the movies!
