After Bots interviewed Rowen in our last installment, we weren’t sure we could top the conversation. But we gave it a shot. And I misspelled “Tchotchke” seven thousand times while writing this. She, however, has impeccable spelling and grammar. And fashion sense. And skin. OH GOD WHY CAN’T I BE LIKE TCHOTCHKE?!
EthologyNerd: Cold or warm room at night?
Tchotchke: Cold room! I have been known to mysteriously undress in the middle of the night if the room is too warm.
EN: Marry, Fuck, Kill: Henry Rollins, Kurt Cobain, Trent Reznor.
T: Let’s see…I’d marry Kurt. I would not fuck Trent Reznor because according to Courtney Love, he has a tiny penis and sucks in bed, so I guess that means I’m killing Trent and fucking Hank.
EN: If you could be one historical feminist, who would it be and why?
T: Ruth Bader Ginsburg, unquestionably. She possesses an incredible mind and has dedicated her life to fearlessly advancing the rights of women in the United States and across the world. She’s also an opera buff, art lover, and all-around inspiring woman.I met her when I was in 7th grade and at the time, I did not fully appreciate who she was or know very much about her career. I remember that she was very kind to me, which I appreciated, as I was the only child in a room full of intimidating adults. I recall that she spent a great deal of time discussing music and literature with my grandfather, as well as noting that she had read some of his cases. When I learned more about her career as a civil rights attorney and women’s advocate, I was completely entranced by her grace, intellect, and humility. I cannot say enough about her. She’s incredible.
EN: If you could wipe one feminist’s oevure off the map, whose would it be?
T: Andrea Dworkin or Camille Paglia. It’s hard to choose, frankly, because I’m loath to call Paglia a feminist in the first place.
EN: Do you have pets? If they’re cats, make something up like a Komodo Dragon.
T: I have two dogs, though one is technically my sister’s pet. Mine is a Shih Tzu named Remy and I’m completely in love with him. I love all dogs, though and cannot walk into an SPCA without wanting to leave with every last one of them. As a kid, I had goldfish, too. My sister had one named “Nibbles” because he would munch on your fingers if you stuck them in the water to feed him. Unfortunately, she had slight a speech impediment, so most people thought the fish’s name was “Nipples.”
EN: You seem really well-read. What’s your favorite book of all time?
T: There are so many but I would have to say Nabokov’s “Lolita” because it’s such a gorgeous piece of literature. Other authors I adore include: Nikolai Gogol, Leo Tolstoy, David Foster Wallace, Norman Mailer (general assholery, aside), Hunter S. Thompson, Lester Bangs, and Henry Miller. Oh! And E.L. James, of course. I am of the firm opinion that modern literature needs more butt plugs and ben-wah balls.
EN: What are you wearing right now?
T: A black scooped-neck dress with black, vertically-striped stockings.
(Editor’s Note: I definitely imagined this to be exactly what she was wearing. In my head, she is also drinking a latte.)
EN:How many hearts have you broken?
T: Two.
(Editor’s Note: That she knows of.)
EN: If you were a scented candle, what scent would you be?
T: Leather! I love the smell of leather. There’s a candle by Tocca called “007” and it smells of leather and martinis. If they weren’t so absurdly pricey, I’d fill my home with them and live in a gloriously-scented fire hazard.
EN: By Crasstalker accounts, your skin is great. Obligatory question about your skin care and makeup game.
T: They said that? Wow! That’s so nice! Wash your face before bed! As Dita von Teese would say, “Girl, you are not going to bed without taking off your makeup.” No matter how tired I am or what I’ve been doing, I always wash my face thoroughly and moisturize before bed. Dark-haired ultra-pale ladies like Dita Von Teese, Winona Ryder, and Jennifer Connelly are my beauty role models. I’m a lunatic about wearing sunscreen. You know that person on the beach wearing a schmatta and giant hat? That’s me.
EN: What was Teenage Tchotchke like? Say, age fifteen.
T: Oh dear. Truthfully, I was pretty insufferable. At fifteen, I had braces and was extremely moody, as teenagers are, but also quite self-righteous. I was a huge believer in a lot of fringe, left-wing causes and the only time I cut school was to go to a protest in Washington, DC. It would have been admirable if my understanding of the world hadn’t been so simplistic and childish.
I was a ridiculously late bloomer. At that age, I still looked quite young and my sense of intimidation around my peers was manifest in extreme shyness. Outside of an academic environment, I was very quiet and unsure of myself. I was a French tutor, ballet instructor and anal-retentive student. Every single Friday, I went to the local record store after school. Whatever money I did not spend on my daily lunches, I was allowed to keep and it all went to records. I also spent each lunch hour in the art room listening to music and drawing. I think my art teacher pitied me because I have no other explanation for why she allowed me to commandeer her record player when she knew full well I’d probably play Nico records on a loop. And mope. Bear in mind, I was also probably wondering why no boys wanted to talk to the quiet, mopey chick who sat alone in the art room. I can’t imagine what they didn’t see in me! Did I mention that I was insufferable?
EN: If you could say one thing to the Crasstalker you dislike the most, what would it be? Don’t name them, just tell it like it is.
T: This person does not warrant acknowledgment
(Editor’s Note: That is a cop-out. I wanted to hear profanity.)
EN: If you could say one thing to the Crasstalker you love the most, what would it be?
T: The answer to this question is much too filthy for such a public forum.
EN: What’s the one thing you wish more Crasstalkers knew about you?
T: I struggled to answer this one because I’m not sure that I want people to know this about me, but I’m quite klutzy. I walk into things all the time or spill and drop things on myself. I choked on my cereal this weekend and had to give myself the Heimlich. I probably should not be allowed to leave home without a helmet.
EN: You seem to have an effortless grasp of what’s cool. Do you think I’m cool?
T: Of course, I think you’re cool! You’re a bangin’ writer, funny as hell, and have the greatest sex life ever.
(Editor’s Note: Hahaha, see, I’m totally cool no matter what you guys say.)
