Just three days after president Obama’s historic re-election news hit the airwaves of General David Petraeus’ illicit affair with his biographer Paula Broadwell. In the days that followed not only was there talk of FBI involvement, racy emails, and harassment, but a second woman has been uncovered as yet another potential love interest for the high-ranking officer whom allegedly set off a maelstrom of potential jealousy on the part of Broadwell, and led to the uncovering of the affair and Petraeus’ subsequent resignation from his post as CIA director amid shame and innuendo.
And this isn’t the first time a high-ranking official, politician, or other highly regarded public figure has risked it all for the sake of an extramarital affair.
The general public has long been parsing these situations with varying degree of commentary that either supports the participant’s decision to resign, or commenting on the seemingly puritanical nature we exhibit that perhaps leads to a resignation unjustly. What we can all agree on is that stories like these are certainly salacious, and in their very nature elevate the meanderings of the usual TMZ fodder to the national stage. But one of the bigger questions remains: Is what these participants do in their personal lives really a matter for the public at large, thereby making it a necessity for them to resign from their positions?
In some instances we can largely see that the reasons behind the resignation come from the shame and humiliation that follows, as well as the notion that the participant is no longer seen as virtuous or honest if they can cheat and lie to their spouse. Both of which effectively make the one with the most power, usually the male in these scenarios, no longer tenable in their positions based on public perception — even if it could have little to no effect in how they conduct their professional lives. But what if the particular affair could actually result in rendering the country less safe with regard to our enemies? Well, that’s the overarching question that surely plagued Petraeus hence the resignation. Well, that, and the fact that we suspect that this whole scandal could get uglier before all is said and done. Regardless, we are now asking questions like: What did Petraeus biographer, Broadwell, and the second woman, Jill Kelley, the State Department’s liaison to the military’s Joint Special Operations Command, know? What was shared during those intimate moments? Could information have been passed between them that could be a national security risk? There is already scuttlebutt that Broadwell may truly have been privy to some classified information.
This takes the run-of-the-mill affair and categorizes it as a veritable nuclear bomb. And we have to wonder the obvious. How could Petraeus be so damn stupid? Given the nature of his job and his standing within government, how could this man be felled by something as ordinary as sex?
For that answer we perhaps look to psychologists and other experts for their breakdown of the psyche of powerful men and how largely many fit into the same categories. The Huffington Post‘s Dr. Terri Orbuch offered some interesting reasoning which is also much backed up by Psychology Today’s David Schnarch, Ph.D.
The illusion of invulnerability: Orbuch notes, “The first reason powerful men have affairs is because they think they won’t get caught. They also assume that even if they do get caught, they won’t get in trouble because they have the resources to cover it up.” Schnarch concurs and says, “Your entourage forms a protective buffer around you, pumps up your ego, and insulates you from daily reality and responsibilities. You begin to believe the rules don’t apply to you. Other people bend the rules for you. There is an arrogance that often comes with power. You feel you can do things that mere mortals are forbidden to do.”
Ample opportunities for temptation: Orbuch opines, “Wealth, fame and power are attractive to many women, who make themselves available to powerful men, sometimes aggressively and without scruples. When powerful men are away from home for days and weeks at a time, which is often the case, loneliness and the desire for female companionship can trigger infidelity.” Schnarch adds, “Many people have affairs because they crave that reflected sense of self-the great emotional high-you get when you’re dating or flirting. When you have plenty of adoring attractive women making themselves available, ready to pump up your reflected sense of self like your wife did in the old days, lots of people succumb.”
Adrenaline dependency: Orbuch states,”Many powerful men have positions that require a lot of responsibility and authority. They perform well under high stress, and they continually need and enjoy excitement or challenges to drive them forward. An affair gives them the same type of exhilaration in their private life.” Schnarch tells us, “Highly successful and wealthy people also often have two characteristics that further encourage affairs: (1)They are often extremely competitive people, to whom extramarital sex is about “scoring” and “collecting trophies.” (2) They are frequently driven by a huge need to get a positive reflected sense of self from others.” In addition he says, “Sometimes extremely successful people are thrill-seeking risk takers. They like to “roll the dice” for very high stakes. Sometimes they’re simply self-destructive, having to push the limit until things fall apart. Some like secretive clandestine sex and the charge of getting away with something.”
Enabled by “yes” people: Orbuch infers, “Powerful men tend to be surrounded by people who protect them, idolize them and even “enable” their vices in order to remain inside their influential orbit. Being surrounded by people who don’t necessarily challenge your decisions or give you honest feedback about yourself is bound to have an effect on your ego, self-image and your sense of propriety and limits.” Schnarch offers, “You begin to believe everyone is a sham and not who they claim to be. You live in a world where everyone uses everyone. You convince yourself through personal experience that people are craven and everyone can be bought. It’s not long before you lose respect for the very people who admire you. The aura of power surrounding you makes you feel immune from consequences. There’s a sense, “I won’t get caught.” You see other wealthy [powerful] people living a façade in public and a different life in private. The key to pulling this off becomes keeping your public and private life as separate as possible, and creating an image that shields you from closer scrutiny.”
Desire for change: Orbuch suggests, “Let’s not forget that powerful men are still men, and usually an affair signals an internal need for change. Something in the man’s life or his relationship isn’t OK — and the affair creates the trigger for change.” Schnarch evaluates the plight of the spouse who’s cheated on by saying, “Your job is to let out some of the air in your husband’s head, keep him grounded in reality, and hold him accountable for his responsibilities in your marriage and family. At best, you don’t seem like much fun, and at worst you are set up to look like a nagging bitch. Whereas other women are adoring, you are frustrated with your mate. Everyone else acts like they have no expectations for him, and light up when they’re around him. They are just happy to be in his presence and gladly go along with whatever HE wants to do. You, in contrast, would like things your way some of the time. You also expect your husband to pick up his socks, take out the garbage, share childcare responsibility, and make you feel appreciated and important.”
Urgh. The last bit is insulting and a bit enraging, but it rings with a bit of truth if you look at the dynamics of the nature of these high profile affairs. With Broadwell who was serving as Petraeus’ biographer, her whole job was to laud the general, to appeal to his vain nature and his ego. To fawn and compliment. She was not the wife of over thirty years who knew all of his foibles and could attest to his successes or his failings as a husband. She was new and unburdened, and to that end Petraeus could be anyone he wanted to be with her. The suave military hero. The unflappable leader. The awe-inspiring, powerful dynamo.
This is also much of what the public at large believed about the General. This isn’t to say it’s not true, but it is interesting when hearing a lot of the commentary surrounding this situation that garners sympathy for Petraeus. As if this is something that is “happening to him” and not something that he caused. No. It is sad that this has happened to his wife and children but it’s troubling that it involves someone with such unique status within our government. We’d love to say that we shouldn’t care, but that’s a bit hard to do when the job of keeping us safe involves numerous judgment calls, and the guy in charge has shown to make such poor ones with regard to one of the easiest things you would think he would safeguard — using email. And that’s just the smallest of possible misjudgements. The potential for classified info pillow talk is something out of a spy novel. And if one of our top guys, trained in Intelligence of all things, is susceptible to making this mistake, well, then he really shouldn’t be head of the CIA after all should he? This is putting aside the military’s code of ethics regarding adultery. Many believe that adultery on its own, no matter the cause, shouldn’t be cause to forfeit one’s career.
Add your thoughts to the comments. Should Petraeus have resigned or is it really nobody’s business? And what do you think about the reasons behind why powerful men cheat in the first place?
Image: The Nation
