Nothing is ever easy for the old Grimes Group. If they’re not hacking off some old dude’s leg, they’ve got to explain to a bunch of convicts that the world has gone to hell. Such is the price of creating Escape From Alcatraz in reverse.
So now that Rick’s plan to explore more of the prison has gone to pot, and what he’s left with is a crippled and rapidly bleeding out Hershel, and now a new problem in the form of prison survivors, what’s Rick’s next plan? Getting Hershel back to the relative safety of their cellblock. Yeah, perhaps the place they should have stayed until they could have devised a better plan that included an exit strategy. Old Hersh isn’t doing so well. Which makes sense since he’s now down to three quarters of a leg amputated Game of Thrones battlefield style. Back in the Grimes Group’s cleared out cellblock, everyone comes running to help Hershel who at this point we’re thinking has a 50/50 shot at survival with zombie affliction or death with ensuing zombie affliction. Either way — NOM CHOMP, CHOMP!
Not to be ignored, our new prison friends, Greasy, Big-Tiny, Whiskers-Face, Tiny-Big, and Screechy Short Round, the worst fairy-tale dwarfs ever, decide to follow the group into Grimes’ cellblock on Wisteria Lane — and right into Daryl’s sight with his handy crossbow. Now is the time for an exchange of information. Rick and T-Dogg join Daryl and ask how the prisoners have lasted so long. They say that they’ve been holed up in the cafeteria for ten months after a well-meaning guard told them to stay put, subsisting on prison food, and only having seen brief glimpses of the Walkers outside. They only have a scant understanding of the bigger issue. And in indicating such, ask Rick and crew for cell phones to call loved ones while wondering why the National Guard and Army hasn’t come to rescue anyone. While sharing meaningful glances all around, Rick, Daryl, and T-Dogg explain that that the world is shit, that there is no army or hospitals or anything at all — but you know — you guys are free now. Have at it out in the real world. The others initially don’t believe what Rick is telling them and contemplate leaving for a minute, but Greasy, who’s obviously the brains of group, shrewdly assess that if these people think a prison is sanctuary than it really must be true. They take a trip outside to confirm. And yup, nothing but dead Walkers as far as the eye can see. Told ya, Greasy.
And here’s what we knew would happen. Greasy then tells Rick that since they were there first (Because we earned the right to be here since uh…we’re criminals!) that the prison belongs to him and his enchanted merry group of no-nothing sure to be zombie chum and that Rick and his crew can have the outside. Well, no, Greasy. Rick ignores the obvious about the prisoners’ chances of survival, and tells them that they’re not leaving, blood has been spilled, and they’ve cleaned out one cellblock and could clean all the prisoners’ clocks too if they so choose, but instead offered them a deal. In exchange for food, they’ll help the prisoners clear out their own cellblock using Rick’s Special Forces team of well-trained zombie flushers. Greasy agrees. And we all groan thinking this will not end well.
Back in the Grimes cellblock everyone is fretting over Hershel. Maggie is sure he’ll either die now, or die later because of the whole no leg thing, and like a pack of lions in the jungle, the Walkers will take down a gelding with no leg first. But Maggie’s sister, Beth, decides to make Hershel a pair of jaunty lederhosen so he won’t feel so bad when he wakes up ready for Oktoberfest. Rick just wants to make sure Hershel doesn’t feel like eating brains if that day ever comes and tells Glenn to handcuff his girlfriend’s dad to the bed, and to chop him in the head with the closest thing handy if he turns into a Walker. Rick obviously doesn’t understand that this isn’t the way to secure a wedding gift from your future father-in-law. Now no one can go to Acapulco for a honeymoon.
Before Rick sets out to help the prisoners find a cellblock home of their very own in upper Peyton Place, he has a brief consult with Lori, who immediately indicates her failings as a wife and mother. We think, “Geesh! Just what’s happened all winter? Other than the obvious not knowing who the father of your child is thing, has Carl gone out and joined a neo-Nazi Walker hate group?” Anyway, she tells Rick with regard to the now potential human threat they face — to do what he’s gotta do to keep the group safe. Somehow we don’t think Rick really needed to be told that, but it’s probably good to know that when he returns from “doing what he’s gotta do” no one will be judging him.
The group of Rick, Daryl, and T-Dogg set out with the prisoners with the Grimes Group attempting to give the prisoners some pro-tips: A gun blast will bring more, aim for the head, don’t break formation. The first couple of zombies appears and instantly the prisoners break formation and rush the things doing their best rendition of a prison beat down, complete with random torso shanking. And this was bloody hilarious. All gore with little effect. We also get to see what months on the run have done to hone Rick’s group into a well-oiled strike team. No theatrics. Just take out the Walkers methodically and keep going. Big-Tiny sees the melee and decides it’s all a little much and sets off in the other direction just to run into a couple of his own Walkers. And this is where things get interesting. As he’s fending off one Walker, the other it would seem deliberately breaks the bones in its hands to free itself from handcuffs in order to stab Big-Tiny with the jagged bone. [Fingies Note: Is this some sort of brain function we’re witnessing? Are these things getting smarter?] Once Rick’s group realizes what’s happened and a discussion of the inevitable surfaces, we were wondering if this would be yet another moment spent in The Walking Dead discussing the morality of what should be a no-brainer? Nope. Greasy walks up and bashes Big-Tiny in the head repeatedly and without remorse. Now that’s one way to get over that morality hump, but what it also does is put Rick on notice about Greasy and the potential endgame. Greasy hasn’t forgotten his initial plans for the prison.
Back on the cellblock Hershel is still alive — but barely. Maggie leans in close to tell her father that it’s ok to die, and we thought we’d have a good zombie chomp moment here. No dice. Then Carl swaggers in looking all the cat who caught the canary and throws some medical supplies at Lori’s feet. He’s gone to clear out the infirmary of Walkers don’t ya know. Lori blusters on about it being dangerous, and Carl’s all like “Save it, Mom.” And we’re like, “Yeah, Lori, save it. You’re the one who didn’t know where he was.” Beth, Carl’s crush, tells him not to talk to his mom that way.” And lest we forget that Carl is just a pre-teen with raging hormones and testosterone he doesn’t know what to do with, he runs off to his cellblock room we suppose. If he had some heavy metal he’d be blasting it with a sign on his bedroom door that says, “Knock or Beware!” Lori would then sigh and set a plate of cookies and Ovaltine outside the door.
Outside Carol has led Glenn out on a mission. Carol, who once wouldn’t stop crying for an entire season, now suddenly, has worth on the show. Good for her! She’s also stepped up as helper in medical things. She wants to find a female Walker to experiment on just in case Hershel doesn’t make it and she has to deliver Lori’s baby via C-section. So why not practice on a walking cadaver?! Ew. Okay.
One of the things we’ve been most worried about in this new season is the show’s previous ability to make everything a long, drawn out discussion. Every decision, every action, every new obstacle was like an exposition on weighing Good vs. Evil ad nauseum. But what we’re seeing in this new world is a heightened bit of intensity when it comes to decision-making, and the need to do so without so much introspection as to weigh the entire experiment in “Horror for Television” down. So once we get to the climax of the episode, we see that thinking in the flesh so to speak.
As Rick’s group and the prisoners are closing in on their new cellblock they run up against a double-door holding back more Walkers. Rick admonishes the prisoners for their beat down crap earlier and tells them again how to strike and then nods to Greasy to open only one door in order to stanch the flow of Walkers. Greasy opens both doors sending in a swarm with only a grin at Rick saying “Shit Happens” by way of unspoken challenge. As the horde comes forth, at one point Greasy swings wide and misses a Walker clearly gunning for Rick’s head. When that fails he pushes a Walker on top of Rick whom Daryl efficiently takes out. Moments later with all the Walkers dead, Rick and Greasy have a stare-off, which Rick ends by saying “Shit Happens” and braining Greasy with a machete to the shock of the other prisoners. Screeching Short Round flees, and Rick gives chase. Making a wrong turn, Short Round ends up in an outside pen full of Walkers. Rick notices and pulls the door closed so Short Round is trapped; Rick is a bit shaken as we hear Short Round’s screams in the background. While we believe Rick feels badly, he knows he did the right thing. Both men couldn’t be trusted with one who surely would have killed Rick in efforts to take over the prison. The other two convicts would have found the same fate if one didn’t plead for his life convincingly, and the other, while defiant stopped fighting. They eventually are led to their new home — a cellblock full of executed prisoners. Nothing much surprises the Grimes Group anymore, so it’s all, “Hey, make the best of it, and we don’t want to know you’re here or we’ll kill you, Capiche?”
When we make it back to Hershel he’s stopped breathing and Lori jumps in with mouth-to-mouth and old Hershel rouses to the only mouth action he’s likely to get and gets a little handsy with his delirium, but we thought it was an act of a hungry zombie, alas (unfortunately!) Hershel fooled us. He’s alive and able to grasp Rick’s hand and everyone is happy he made it. Now no one will have to take a machete to his skull. Win. Rick and Lori have a short conversation about their marriage with seems like a quickly exploding Hindenburg, and we get a glimpse at somebody watching Carol give that female Walker a reproductive autopsy outside. We don’t want to draw too many comparisons here between watching a relationship’s demise amid dissecting something already dead. The bigger question that they’ve raised in true suspense movie drama — who could the lurker be? Merle? Someone from a creepy town run by a creepy man? Or just a random survivor looking for shelter. The latter is pretty boring. We’re hoping for the first or second. Oh, Merle. You’re sure to bring chaos, aren’t you old boy? And just when we’ve finally gotten Daryl to settle down and stop wearing Walker ears as trophies.
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