As I write this I’m flying to Vegas for my cousins wedding. Because nothing says Sanctity of Marriage like a place that allows drive through weddings, Elvis impersonators with legalized prostitution. To take my mind off how heterocentric this entire process can be, I’ve decided to take out my bitterness on SkyMall because let’s face it — SkyMall is asking for it.
Is it still unseasonably warm in your area? Make the very most of the last throws of autumn by being outdoors with “The Newest Craze in Outdoor Games!”. Listed at about $75 this consists of a giant, “human sized” rubber band, marketed as The Human Slingshot.
If it sounds somehow treacherous and lame at the same time, then we’re on the same page. Supposedly this “exhilarating and fast paced game” involves flinging – excuse me – “slinging” each other back in forth inside this giant stretchy death trap. Hours and hours of nothing but smashed foreheads, chipped teeth, twisted ankles and good times!
The holidays are approaching and nothing says Christmas Cheer like a bag full of lazy a pre-lit, fully decorated Christmas tree. The Pull-Up Christmas Tree is a mere $189.99, a trifle when you consider all the time you no longer have to spend decorating with your loved ones. I counted no less then four of these popup trees in this months edition.
Also worth skipping is the YuleaHoop, the Smart TreeKeeper the Hanukkah Tree Topper and don’t get me started on the many disco style light projectors which annoy your neighbors blanket the outside of your home in moving Happy Holidays messages. These put the untz untz untz into xmas.
Moving on to something a little more everyday, we have the Gentle Motion Standing Back Stretcher This is exactly what every home dungeon is missing. At $199.99 this bad boy offers a little XXX Cheer on a more year-round basis.
The first question I asked upon seeing this photograph was “who’s winning?” After taking it all in, including what I refer to as “the angle of presentation”, the padded waistband, the hand grips, and tubular frame supporting up to 250lbs my only remaining question is why they aren’t offering an optional leather strap to bite down on. My Husband and I have ordered ours already.
That’s it for this edition of SkyMall Madness. Check out SkyMall Backyard Edition or just grab a flight and enjoy that awkward silence while you wait to ascend to 10000 feet.
Images [1] [2] via Skymall.com
