Mitt Romney enters the lioness den; Chelsea Handler forever; we all hate Daniel Tosh; Ditto for Donald Trump; Michael Bay you make us laugh and laugh; and hey, Lindsay Lohan get a chauffeur!
The man who Lawrence O’donnell on his MSNBC show last night couldn’t find enough ways to call stupid and crazy, Mitt Romney, will bring his sad, beaten, hair all askew, corpus back to daytime television and haul his moneymaker onto the couch to listen as the The View shrews circle him while picking at his gaffe scabs and molesting his scared, furrowed eyebrows as he probably tries to again explain what he meant when he said that he doesn’t care about half of America. Hasselbeck is already primed with Gatorade and an adrenaline pump just in case he starts to feel faint. Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar will probably just smirk at him and slap high-fives whenever he stutters and makes the mistake of calling people ne’er-do-wells and hobo grifters who want to suck up all of government’s money. Then tiny poops will escape from his nervous colon and everyone will cover their noses and hope he runs away off stage. So, basically, fun times! [Deadline]
Urgh. Chelsea Handler, unfunny person wrapped in a 2,000 year old mummy suit, is attempting to get yet another television pilot made. This time it’s about comedian Heather McDonald, writer and performer on her E! talk show Chelsea Lately. The show naturally will be based on McDonald’s existence on this planet and will be called My Inappropriate Life. Of course it will be. Aren’t all these shows named things like, Drinking and Sleeping with Prairie Dogs or Bottoms Up! The Single Girl with Ten Birds, or Life on the Downside of the D-List HA HA! Yeah. And yup, there she is, McDonald on the cover of the book holding a cocktail and looking ZANY AND KOOKY! Life’s a slide into a kiddie pool, right, ladies?! Shoot us all now. [Deadline]
Horrible rape jokester and all around shithead, Daniel Tosh’s, stupid interwebz gross out, puke show, Tosh.0, has been renewed for a fifth season. That’s awesome. I guess we’re all supposed to watch to see how many more people around the world he can offend with his stupefying aversion to decency. We really think Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and everyone else affiliated with the Comedy Central family look at Tosh as the date rapey cousin no one wants to talk about at Thanksgiving while everyone tries to change the subject when news of his latest prison bail request comes up during the passing of the cranberry sauce. Don’t watch his show. It’s terrible! We just wanted you know that he’s there lurking in the bowels of a television network you may actually care about. [Deadline]
Good God. Donald Trump is an assweasel. Because of thunderous rapture-like Hurricane Isaac, the GOP had to cancel the first day of its “major suckage” RNC and with it went plans for a skit that included Donald Trump spliced with clips of Obama wherein the real estate czar with a dead rat helmet on his head found various ways to tell the POTUS that he’s fired. HA! So they decided to keep the old man with the chair instead! Oh, GOP, you guys are like a forever SNL skit. And we’re not even talking about the good years! [Deadline]
Michael Bay, awful movie maker, is releasing a movie in the spring of next year and not the summer which is where you can usually find all his crapstain robots who launch themselves from space and into your gag reflex. He’s doing some sort of crime comedy called Pain and Gain which sounds like perhaps all the space robots will be stand-up comedians? We dunno, it doesn’t really matter. Bay isn’t known for thinky movies. It’s not like he’s releasing something in the Oscar countdown season in the fall. Oh, ho. What the hell would that be? Optimus Prime makes a video chronicling his life as he suffers from an incurable disease and the dog who loves him? Yikes. [Vulture]
Here’s the poster for Lindsay Lohan’s comeback Lifetime television movie, Liz & Dick. That is what we’re calling this, yes? It’s not simply, “That Little Thing Lohan Did Between Hitting People With Her Car.” [Deadline]
