My friend and former co-worker, Jeff Hammond wrote something similar to this on Facebook the other day. I asked him if we could reprint it here. He added a little information for clarification and sent some pictures along. While I am pleased that Jeff is celebrating his five-year wedding anniversary, it breaks my heart that his marriage isn’t legal in his home country. This note is heart-breaking and so well-written that I hope, by printing it here and sending it around it will help people understand that this issue is about real people, not just political rhetoric.
“September 15, 2012
To my dear friends (especially the Republican ones!) in the U.S.A.:
Today marks the 5th Anniversary of my marriage to the person I love. Same-sex marriage has been legal in Canada since 2005. I can assure you that the sky has not fallen here!
Canada has, in fact, managed to stay afloat in a floundering world economy. Not because of gay marriage, of course. But in part, I believe, because elections here do not hinge on divisive social issues the way they do in America. Candidates can discuss the issues that truly matter in the lives their citizens, instead of the ones that pointlessly divide them. Elected officials can spend their time governing.
Canadians—at least in my limited experience of them—seem to accept their divisions and get on with life. Trust me, there are plenty of people up here who are turned off by the idea of two men or two women getting married. But you know what? I believe they’ve just decided not to worry about it. After all, how does same-sex marriage affect them? Canadians have, smartly, realized there’s no benefit—apart from sheer meanness—to making it illegal for two people they don’t know from Adam to enjoy the same freedom and benefits they enjoy.
And without legal same-sex marriage, I wouldn’t have been allowed to stay in Canada. And I couldn’t be with the person I love. At all. My marriage, successful and loving, would not be.
Now, you may not know this, but Pierre and I cannot live together in the United States!
Even though I am an American citizen, my spouse would not be allowed to stay. And if we tried to keep him there as an illegal, the threat of deportation would haunt us day in and day out.
I ask you to imagine the person you care most about in the world being deported.
For many same-sex couples, it is often much worse. If neither home country recognizes same-sex marriage, these couples cannot be together anywhere. A few stolen vacations—if they can afford it. Or living illegally in one country or the other. Skype? Some way to build a life together, wouldn’t you say?
At least, I have Canada—thanks to Pierre.
In America, marriage recognized at the federal level includes the benefit of your non-American spouse automatically qualifying for U.S. citizenship—just by virtue of marrying you, a U.S. citizen. That’s great. If you’re straight.
If you’re a heterosexual U.S. citizen and want to marry someone from another country—which happens all the time, of course—you can live together in the U.S., red carpet, open arms, no problem! You barely have to think about it. Your new spouse’s citizenship is a fait accompli.
But if you try to bring your same-gender spouse from another country to live with you in the U.S., you are out of luck.
What about the handful states that allow gay marriage or civil unions? No dice. Immigration is at the federal level. Your Massachusetts marriage license is nothing but a piece of paper outside the state of Massachusetts. They light cigarettes with gay marriage licenses at the U.S. Department of Immigration and Citizenship.
Of course, you or your spouse can pursue other avenues for achieving citizenship—if you’re eligible. If you’re desirable. If you have the right education or job skills. If you’re young enough or have a fat enough bank account. But if all other roads to citizenship are closed to you, forget about making it work just because you’ve fallen in love. Just because you’ve met someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your life.
Now imagine saying goodbye to that person at the airport.
So much for the land of the free.
Free for some people, I guess.
At its most basic level, denying such a basic human right to some citizens while giving it to others is not only unfair, it is un-American. It is unconstitutional. It is a disgrace.
Don’t get me wrong. I love America. I really love America. And I would like to live there again one day, with my husband. Preferably somewhere with a beach and no snow. If you’ve spent a winter in Canada, you will understand.
So I ask you:
If you believe that equality is for everyone, please reconsider your Republican vote for your U.S. Congressperson, your U.S. Senator, and for your President—and even for your State elective offices. The Republican Party needs to step up to the truth and become the Party of Lincoln again. They will only recapture his noble ideals if they hear this message of equality, loud and clear, straight from the voting booth. And they need to hear it in this election as in none other before.
Thank you for reading.
All my best to you and those you love.
Jeff Hammond”
