We can probably all agree that one of the biggest timesucks and patently infuriating things about any job would be dealing with idiots.
Often we simply can’t fathom how these people made it to the workplace, to management positions, or company ownership, let alone stepping off a sidewalk without catastrophe such is the acute nature of idiotdom that riddles their very being. However it’s rampant. It just is. You know it’s true. So what do you do if your livelihood sometimes depends on the whims of idiots and clients from hell? You start a website dedicated to calling them out in the funniest way possible. We imagine that’s got to be pretty cathartic.
This is what the creators of Clientsfromhell.net have apparently found.
The website boasts a hilarious collection of anonymously contributed client horror stories from web designers. It is entirely addictive. It’s literally a running log of the most asinine questions, commentary, and opinions coming from clients tasking designers with the job of making their company websites sparkle, sizzle, or perhaps even function. The process of which is mostly lost on those making the decisions. Facepalm to infinity. Here’s a sample of a few random entries.
Internet for Dummies
Me: The internet isn’t working – but don’t worry, we’ve called to get it sorted and they said it should be up in the next ten minutes.
Client: We’ll just e-mail in Outlook then.
Me: That’ll be down too.
Client: Fine! It’s unprofessional, but we’ll use Facebook.
Me: Do you understand what the internet is?
The Bob Barker Approach to Number Crunching
Client: “I need a new website, the one I have is crap. I paid some cheap designer to do it for $200.”
Me: “Yeah, with cheaper designers you never know what you’ll get.”
Client: “I’ll never make that mistake again.”
Me: “Well, after reviewing your needs I would estimate this website to be about $1,200.”
Client: “Really… let me think about it.”
[2 weeks later I call to check back]
Client: “This price is ridiculous. I know someone who can make this whole thing for like $250.”
Seeing the Porn in Beef
Client: “Oh and by the way, we don’t want you to draw udders on the cows.”
Me: “Why not?”
Client: “It’s too suggestive.”
The Trouble With Meanings
Client: “Can you also say on the poster ‘there will be a live dinner and dance’?”
Me: “Is this the type of dinner where people have to catch their food before they eat it?”
Elder Abuse
Me: “When you click on the button it takes you to the Paypal donation page that you set up.”
Client: “What do you mean? I don’t want the donate button to do this, I want it to automatically charge their card. These are seniors they won’t understand this if I don’t. You can’t have them type stuff in.”
Me: “But you wanted to go with Paypal because you couldn’t afford a secured shopping cart website. Either way, at some point they will have to type in their information.”
Client: “Can’t you just take their credit card information without them knowing? That way they won’t get confused.”
Password Protected
On the phone with a Client
Me: Can you tell me the password?
Client: Oh, shoot. I forgot. Hold on…
I hear typing.
Client: Got it?
Me: Uh, no.
Client: Okay, listen.
I hear typing again.
Client: Did you get it?
Me: I don’t hear you. Did you cut out?
Client: Just listen.
Me: I don’t understand what you are saying. Can you tell me the password?
Client: Don’t listen to what I say, listen to what I type.
Me: That doesn’t make any sense.
Client: How else would you get it?
Me: Using your voice!
Client: That doesn’t seem very safe. Here, we’ll try again…
Eventually, the client ended up emailing me the password.
Flash Boredom
Our team had been developing a website for a national brand, and every time we’d show the client our work-in-progress, they’d say “Add some more snazz to it, more zip, more flashiness!” and we’d add things like drop-shadows and 3D text, to which they’d smile and say “Better! But more snazz! More flashiness!”
The client eventually signed off and we launched the site. While drinking a beer to celebrate, the client called, irate.
Client: I just saw the site. Where’s the snazz? The zip, the flashiness? I told you that’s what I wanted! I expected the whole site to be designed in Zip or Flashiness or whatever that program’s called that you make websites in. It should all move with the Flashiness! I’m not paying for this piece of shit.
Just For You DogsofWar
Client: “Can we put a ‘Z’ at the end of the name?”
Me: “Why?
Client: “To help with search rankings!”
HA! Even if you don’t work in the web design industry, the site still resonates. It doesn’t matter the industry, there’s always someone who will send you a frantic email asking you to do the impossible, prepare for chaos, and/or skew your thinking to theirs no matter how insane. We congratulate Clientsfromhell.net for letting us know that we’re not alone. You can find them on the Twitterz, subscribe to their newsletter if you want a daily dose, purchase swag, and even submit your own story if you work in the web-based industry.
Top Image Source: Clientsfromhell
