I was in the process of writing about the love story of Liz Taylor and Richard Burton. After reading Furious Love, I felt there was no story of a Hollywood couple more outlandish and smuttier than about those two. Woo-wee, was I wrong. Still catching up on the Internets from my podunk lake vacation, I had no idea about the split between Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise until I got a CNN BREAKING NEWS REPORT from my bestie via text (it wasn’t that podunk for cripes sakes!). At the time, I thought to myself it wasn’t too much of a shocker until…dun dun dun…the PR flacks started leaking “the truth.” And ladies and gentlemen, we now have ourselves an real old fashioned Hollywood gossip hootenanny!
Now who woulda thunk it that little Katie (or “KATE”, blech!) Holmes, was a force to be reckoned with against the powers of ,whisper this folks, The Church(sorry Vatican, you’ve been slacking just a bit in your evilness, you don’t get The anymore, you can have just “the”). I won’t get into good ole’ homo denying Xenu’s antics, but if you have a few hours there is plenty on the intranet if you care to find out exactly what Joey Potter is up against. Let’s just say this, these guys make the Vatican look like, well,
But I like my life and the people in it. So that’s all I got to say ’bout that.
So our girl Katie, goes to People magazine and tells them that KATIE IS LEAVING TOM! People also reports that the split was basically a stealthy operation, that took place in Kelly Preston’s secret underground baby producing chamber. No I’m just kidding about the last part, but it is apparent that our sweet little Katie is quite the conniver. So, let’s think about this guys. People magazine. Celebrity ass kissing People magazine. The most widely read rag amongst all of America. The magazine that never tells a lie to it’s minivan driving, baby-bump watching constituency. This girl ain’t playing. How is our girl going after hubby Cruise AND The Church? Through the media. How is she protecting herself? Through the paparazzi! Genius!
Meanwhile, according to the BBC Tom’s side has responded cuttingly that Holmes’ legal team is “playing the media” and that Cruise is “deeply saddened by the news.” Boo Hoo.
“We are letting ‘the other side’ (Katie and her team), play the media until they wear everyone out and then we’ll have something to say. It’s not Tom’s style to do this publicly. He is really sad about what’s happening.”
According to LaineyGossip, Holmes’ parents have been concerned for her and Suri for some time now, yet Katie tried to remain optimistic. Yet the more time she spent away from Cruise the more time she had to reflect on what was missing from her life. (C’mon gang, that joke is too easy, let’s try to hold ourselves to a higher standard, K?) Katie loved living in New York, pre-Tom days and wanted to spend time there often, however Cruise wasn’t feeling the whole NY state of mind groove that Katie felt and would never consider making New York home.
The catalyst for the split occurred when Katie was away in China promoting that facacta ice skating thingy jig when she came home to find The Church infiltrated her daughter beyond comfort. She got word that people from The Church that she didn’t know were caring for Suri and and that Tom’s other two children talking to Suri about a scary Scientology retreat in California that has been known to have a boot-camp like program for participants. It is unclear if there were behavioral changes in Suri, but really, who cares. What sort of dad leaves a toddler with people the mother doesn’t know, for long periods of time, while she is out of town? No doubt Tom Cruise loves his children, but his intensity and fervor is too much for young children. Jeesh, they must nap, A LOT.
Katie, with the help of Daddy Holmes, then began her PR strategy to untangle herself from the web of Tom Cruise and The Church. She re-engaged with her old PR team, who began to leak damaging info on The Church and it’s well, you know, their stuff. I love my family and the people in my life and I can’t afford a lawyer, so I got nuthin else to say about them. (But, one wouldn’t be surprised if Holmes’ people were behind the whole Travolta scandal, just sayin’.) Then WHAM! People mag here we come.
But will Katie be able to stay strong throughout all of this. She isn’t messing with amateurs here. Look what they did to poor Nicole Kidman. Girlfriend has never been the same since that divorce, has she? LaineyGossip is hailing Katie as “Skywalker, Neo and Harry Potter.” I’m not sure Joey Potter, bad clothes designer, has the chops. Does she have any skeletons The Church can expose? She did smoke at one time and have a long term relationship with known partier Chris Klein. And what about who Suri’s real baby daddy is? We all know that Tom did not have some miraculous infertility treatment. That baby ain’t his, and stop trying to tell me she is. Sorry, not trying to be mean, but still.
Cruise has yet to file for divorce or custody. Is he going to go Hollywood on this, play it cool and be a good guy to save his career? Or is he going to go all Darth Vader, Agent Smith or Lord Voldemort and fight dirty as his studies within The Church have taught him?
Either way I worry for our heroine. (Holy gossipmagazines! Katie Holmes is our heroine!) I would like to see her come out of this ahead, with a shinning career of her dreams. If she does, they will be talking about this in PR school for years to come. But, on the other hand, I have seen girlfriend looking pretty ragged out and sloppy, but wait… ohhhhh… Blind item solved. Well played Katie Noelle Holmes, well played.
