Showtime gets rid of another quirky-dreary show; you patriots watched the Olympics; Peter Jackson’s precious to have triplets; a space janitor to become a doctor; Boys have angst and should have their own HBO show full of nepotism and naked whimsy too.
Nurse Jackie is the last remaining “affliction fiction” show on Showtime, eh? Yes, says Showtime. Laura Linney will be done with having The Big C after next season. They’ve decided to give the show a “special limited run of 4 hourlong installments” to tidy up its final season, which is the polite way of saying, “blasted off into outer space while riding on the back of Oliver Platt, star of hit movie Flatliners.” ‘Member Flatliners? The Julia Roberts 90’s frizz-mop-a-hairdo and mom jeans movie? Good days, right? YES! Hah. We wonder what happened with The Big C though? Was it the strange mix of kooky and sad? Or was it a severe lack of Idris Elba butt cheeks in every remaining episode? The latter. Definitely the latter. C’est la vie. The Showtime folks are also updating us on what’s happening with their other shows like Dexter — good golly can he finally be caught now — which will be back for two more seasons. Groan. In addition, the boring papal robe and incesty glances show, The Borgias, is filming season three with hopes for a fourth season. Fantastic! Get me the poisoned wine! There’s always poisoned wine. We can also expect to see Matt LeBlanc discuss his long meat scepter for at least another season on his show Episodes, so there’s that. (Not sure what else this show is about if not just numerous jokes about LeBlanc’s junk.) [Deadline]
So apparently you guys really liked the Olympics opening weekend which to the layman’s eye was kicked off by some sort of celebration filled with twirling Mary Poppinses, Voldemort’s menacing eyebrows, and some other stuff with the queen and her concubine Daniel Craig. Those Brits really know how to throw a party, eh? Like 35.8 million of you guys sat down and watched all that absurdity and then continued to be completely annoyed by NBC’s lame coverage of all the events you already read about on Twitter. So enthralled were you by former merman from Atlantis, Michael Phelps’ complete and utter failing at most things Olympics over the weekend. Yay USA! NBC ruins everything. [Deadline]
Oh, for the love of fantasy sleep aids. Peter Jackson, Hobbit Whisperer and bearded elfin magician, has announced that his latest endeavor in the never-ending saga of Leonard Nimoy sings Bilbo Baggins Greatest Hits, The Hobbit, will be three, probably overwrought and teeming with long exposition, films. The third to be released in summer 2014. Good God. How much is there to actually say about Hobbits? Don’t answer that. Jackson says there was “a wealth of storytelling that came from 125 pages of appendices that JRR Tolkien included in a later publication of The Return Of The King.” We assume these are the longest outtakes ever witnessed in history. [Deadline]
Is it too early to say that Channing Tatum can spawn like a salmon swimming upstream? How else do we explain Taylor Kitsch who seems like a cross between Tatum and one of those bellowing brain pot roasts that call themselves the Hemsworth brothers! He is, right? You know, like some sort of tabernacle of duh face pimple on the face of ChristoLiam Hemsworth? This is Mr. Kitsch. Well, someone has decided to dust off an old script from 1991 called Doc Hollywood starring Michael J. Fox, and slapped Kitsch, still reeling from playing a space janitor in John Carter, a military brodude in Battleship, and whatever scraggly-faced ne’er-do-well he played in Savages, into the driver’s seat. They’ve renamed it The Grand Seduction where Kitsch will play a doctor, of all things, whose small town is trying to keep him. It’s an indie from Canadialand which means it’s something Kitsch can sink his teeth into. HA! No. He’ll be lucky if there isn’t a dance sequence at a hockey rink. The town in question is called Tickle Cove. There will totally be a dance sequence at a hockey rink. [Vulture]
So, you know how it’s really, really annoying hearing all about the trivialities of twenty-somethings? Like how everyday is the “warst day evar because Urban Outfitters discontinued my favorite neon, day-glo, glitter-bang, super retro nail polish/lip gloss/shot glass! How rude!” And on top of that there’s also some stuff about rent and jobs and nekkidness or whatever that happens on Girls? Well, here’s a parody that’s making the rounds based on the exact same thing, but it’s called Boys, and it stars Wolf Blitzer’s son Bear Blitzer and Daniel Craig’s offspring, Craig Craig. I have no idea if that actually happened, and no desire to confirm via Google. I’d say no. But then in twenty years if Apple Martin did a spoof about making shrimp tacos in her mother, Gwyneth Paltrow’s kitchen, It’d hardly be fake. This is the world we live in. Parodies of parodies are things we watch and do.
