Yes, the Redneck is going extinct, so they need a survival challenge. No. Jennifer Love Hewitt’s hands will be even busier on Lifetime; Ray Liotta to continue disappointing us; Anne Heche to produce miracles and maybe find Raptor Jesus; The Arnold will be back; Prometheus will be rated fittingly; and we hate Smash’s Ellis. What else needs to be said?
Oh, please tell us racing outhouses will be involved. Former WWE star, Steve Austin, will host a new reality show on the CMT network called Redneck Island. Yes, you read that right. What could this possibly mean? Will trucker hats and cornnuts be involved? Maybe chewing dip and boiled hot dogs. Ok. I have no idea about the boiled hotdogs, but somehow I believe this is a delicacy in Redneck land. Apparently, 12 blue-collared contestants will be dropped into a tropical paradise where they’ll compete for $100,000. This is described as “an attempt to survive hilarious and unpredictable challenges in unique redneck fashion.” So, throwing a tire as far as you can without hitting grandma in the face or some such? I dunno. Sounds amazing. The show will be paired with season 2 of My Big Redneck Vacation. So, the end of the world then? Yes. [Deadline]
Well, that didn’t take long. We weren’t sure how many hand jobs or blow jobs or boob flashes Jennifer Love Hewitt would have to endure in order to get her Lifetime network for ladies with lady parts show renewed. It looks like less than half a season’s worth! Wow, that’s like a small percentage of oral/manual sex stuff. “The Client List represents everything we want to be — fresh, exciting and original with attitude,” Lifetime president and GM Nancy Dubuc said. Er, okay, sure. Women working as hand jobbing masseuses is everything fresh, exciting, and original — in a world where it and its ilk is synonymous with “The World’s Oldest Profession.” Great that you guys are staying on the cusp there, Lifetime. [Deadline]
Well, at least Ray Liotta is no longer a crazed dragon wizard in movies. Sheesh. That was like a trip into a world full of crap wasn’t it? He’ll now be in an action thriller called The Devil’s In The Details, which well, if they’re not careful could sound like he’s picking up the dragon wizardry again, but he’ll play a psychiatrist who finds himself caught in the middle of a deadly Mexican drug war. Well, okay that sounds more like what we expect from Ray Liotta. Oh, wait, it’s written by former lead singer of alt pop/rock band Splender. Well just who the hell is that?! Face Palm. Okay, Ray. We give up. Dragon wizards it is. [Deadline]
Last week we told you how NBC has big plans to keep you watching after the Olympics. Big plans indeed! They’re going forth with the Anne Heche starrer Save Me. She’ll play a woman in a broken marriage who transforms into a version of herself that creates miracles along the way. Desperate Housewives meets Touched By An Angel, or just loony Anne Heche running around talking about alien Jesus or whatever? Maybe. Do we need this? Like really, does NBC need Anne Heche doing some sort of pseudo-religious, mystical, batty portrayal? I’d think not. This sounds like a bad idea. This doesn’t sound like anything worth watching. Why not just make her a psychic serial killer profiler or something in the NBC Wheel of Fortune bag of rotten ideas? “Because this is better,” says NBC.[THR]
Disgraced former California governor and mono-syllabic actor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, will scowl his way through an action movie called Ten, about members of an elite DEA task force that does blah, blah, GET TO THE CHOPPAH! That is all. [THR]
Because anything less would be ridiculous, 20th Century Fox confirmed today that Ridley Scott’s Prometheus will be rated R. And really, c’mon, we’re talking about scary aliens and edge of your seat nail biting terror. What were they going to go with, some Justin Bieber concert rating? Vulture also reports Guillermo Del Toro is a little bummed because his dream project, At the Mountains of Madness, will probably be scrapped because it’s too close thematically to Prometheus. Well, okay. Sorry, GDT, but er, we’re not throwing over a Ridley Scott alien-based sci-fi film for one brought to us by the guy who did what he did to the sequel to Hellboy. [Vulture]
This has to be said. Ellis from NBC’s Smash is the worst character on television! We’ve been saying this for what seems like forever, and now Vulture agrees with us. Well, everybody just should. Have you seen this guy? Yeah. [Vulture]
