Glee gets some movie stars; Whalberg asks how your mother is from inside your TV; Taylor Lautner to once again jump into action; the White House gets Die Harded; Pirates on NBC, well, okay.
So Glee is still happening we gather? Yes, apparently it is still occurring, despite its quirky cool wearing off somewhere after Sectionals. Which Sectionals you ask? We don’t really know! There are just so many Sectionals in this show. If they’re not singing about it, or preparing for it, or attempting to beat another team at it, or lamenting something about it — then well, we’re there, live at Sectionals…on Glee! Always! Ok, yes, sure, we get that the show is about that sort of thing. But we’re tired of this, yes? Yes. Regardless, Kate Hudson needs something to do. So she and Sarah Jessica Parker, someone else whose movie career is now in the Glee version of Sectionals! both have signed on for multi-episode arcs on the show. While we know Parker is somewhat of a Broadway vet, er, can Kate Hudson sing? Yes, yes, we know she did some sort of caterwauling in Nine so we suppose maybe this will work? What are we saying? Goop princess Gwyneth Paltrow upchucked a song on the show, so it’ll probably be fine. Oh, Kate and SJP, we once really liked you guys in this whole acting biz. Let’s hope this is the start of something new — but not a lot of new things with Glee. [Deadline]
Mark Whalberg will produce every show on cable television. He, Will Ferrell, and Chris Henchy have signed on to produce a new HBO show set in 1980’s Wall Street. Oh, boy, get prepared for cell phones bigger than an entire Saab, and possibly lots of loafers without socks. Rob Riggle, (Step Brothers, The Other Guys) will star as a hard-living boss who lives a dark, self-centered, unhealthy life. So, yep, I predict lots of references to the decadent 1980’s complete with jokes about t-top cars, mustaches, and the discovery of VCRs, call waiting, and microwaves. Should be awesome, or campy and craptastic. Here’s hoping for a few cameos by Will Ferrell, because honestly I’ve already envisioned him in several 1980’s scenarios. No offense to Rob Riggle, whose name sounds delightfully comic. He’s got that going for him! [Deadline]
Forever pubescent ab-delicacy, Taylor Lautner, will star in a movie about Parkour and bike messengering in something fantastically named, Tracers. That’s just so 1990’s. No frills, and no real description of what the movie is actually about. It could’ve been called anything like Trancers, or Tablers, or Tubulars, or Toasters. You’ll be totally surprised to learn this thing is about whatever it’s about. Like, “Tracers doing Parkour! Duh. We totally thought it was a referendum on the tracer i.e. the inker in comic books.” And you know how we feel about them. So yeah, wolf pup Lautner to get in trouble with a crime gang while riding a bicycle on rooftops or subway rails or whatever happens with Parkour and bikes. Planking?! No. Sounds thrilling.[Deadline]
While we’re talking about lickable meatloaf pans in the shape of abdominals, Channing Tatum inexplicable movie star, and talking cheese curl, is in talks to star in a Die Hard-esque movie about a lone Secret Service agent who has to protect the White House from sex scandals, no, er, terrorists? No, sorry, that’s probably no longer chic to say. They’re saying it’s a paramilitary group. The film will be named White House Down. Well, okay, if you guys are sure. You do know that his acting is limited to like three grunts, a smirk, a “Let’s do this, girl!” and patting his thigh muscles, right? Just want you to know what you’re getting into. [THR]
NBC is in fact developing a Pirate-themed show, which will be written by Luther creator Neil Cross. Ok. Let’s just say for a minute that it could be awesome, because if you haven’t seen Luther, you should. The show is spectacular. This thing will be on NBC, and given this amount of fantasy “Tom Lowe, an undercover assassin, is sent to the pirates’ haven to take down the brilliant and charismatic Blackbeard” yeah, we feel strongly that NBC just by virtue of being NBC will screw this up. We have absolutely no faith in this project, because it’s on the network that makes most everything terrible. We’d like to be wrong for once. Please people of Luther, don’t let them screw it up. It will also be named Crossbones. Sigh. [Deadline]
