Last week: Teresa was PM for the hair dryer task. She was awful in the presentation and in the board room, and got fiyahed. Marlee Matalin and John Rich pretended to care about interviewing the four remaining finalists. Then Lisa was fired. Hot damn, this thing is almost done, folks.
And then there were three: Arsenio, Clay and Aubrey. The board room continues. Trump blathers on about ‘why should YOU be in the finals?’ They all explain why they’re more awesome than their fellow contestants. I am laughing at Aubrey’s efforts to appear demure, with her Veronica Lake hairdo and a suit that manages to kind of hide her tits. When did she have time to get all dolled up like that? It’s all for naught, because Aubrey is fired.
Happy to be in the final two, Arsenio promises to get in Clay’s ass. I’m leaving that one alone. Their friendship and respect for one another reminds me of Kwame and Troy, all those seasons ago. They’ll meet tomorrow at Lincoln Center for the final task, where Trump says it all began. Really? Somehow I never thought about Lincoln Center in an alpha/omega kind of way. Clay seeks redemption, as he came in second on American Idol and vows not to let that happen again.
Trump demonstrates an understanding of basic math by reminding Clay and Arsenio that they are the final two out of eighteen. For the final task, they have to produce, host and sell tickets to a celebrity charity event. They must shoot a thirty-second charity awareness spot and perform in a show for the event. And now they get to schoolyard pick among their fallen colleagues as minions. Arsenio picks Adam, Lisa, Paul and Teresa. Clay chooses Penn, Debbie, Dee and Aubrey (who gets picked last). Heh. In a talking head, she launches into a ‘haters gonna hate’ speech. No one cares.
It’s fake final task time! In this part of the show, they promote the fiction that Apprentice finalists plan an entire event from start to finish. In reality, we know that these events are already 90% planned – with two days left, how could they not be – and all the contestants really need to do is finalize some trivial detail like picking a color scheme. But we’ll humor them. Another fun feature of these tasks is that there is always some seemingly insurmountable last-minute glitch that will sink the entire event. What hijinks will our mischievous producers devise this year?
Clay tells his team about his charity, the National Inclusion Project and plans a musical variety show. Arsenio is happy that he can raise more money for the Magic Johnson Foundation.
Arsenio’s group has 75 tickets to sell. He decides to do a comedy show. Penn and Dee are working on the charity awareness ad. Aubrey will plan the event and Debbie will work on the variety show. Still harboring a grudge against Arsenio, Aubrey hopes Clay wins. So venomous, that one. I cannot wait till she’s off my tv for good.
Arsenio’s team brainstorms. Adam pitches having Magic Johnson appear in the charity awareness spot. Arsenio loves this – what could be more powerful than Magic Johnson in the ad speaking for his own charity? Adam offers to have his crew in California coordinate with Magic (who’s also in California) to shoot Magic’s segment. Adam’s people will then send the segment to Arsenio, who will splice the New York footage with the California one. Great idea, but it sounds complicated. What could possibly go wrong? As Clay’s team brainstorms ideas for the ad, Penn shoots down Clay’s idea as being slightly patronizing. This annoys Clay greatly.
Adam and Teresa shop for costumes for the awareness ad. They’re going for an 80’s theme. Clay’s team continues brainstorming for the ad, for which Penn writes copy. He wants to avoid depicting the kids as wallowing in their respective disabilities, and the script focuses on the kids all playing together. I think that’s admirable and Clay likes it.
At Suite Arsenio, the team begins fundraising. They already have $55,000 in the bag. Arsenio drools over Ivanka in a talking head as she checks their progress, and separately explains their concept to her.
On Clay’s team, Debbie’s in charge of the musical arrangement and selection for the variety show. Dee’s not crazy about some of her musical ideas, such as him singing a duet with her, but he’s game and will go along with anything. Don Jr. stops by to check their progress. Penn will perform with Teller, which should be pretty awesome. Don notes that there is no focus on fundraising. This begs the question – are the finalists being judged solely on fundraising results? The overall (subjective) success of the event? Or is it a combination? Unless I missed something, this remains unclear.
We see Arsenio raising money and he name drops the celebs he’s called. Everyone’s reaching out to their deep pocket donors. Arsenio feels like he needs to make up for his past fundraising efforts, which have kind of sucked. Clay remembers he needs to raise money and has his team get on the ball with that. He’s concerned Arsenio will raise more than him since Arsenio knows big-name celebs. This sounds like classic Apprentice misdirection: Clay will raise more money. Just watch.
On the way to the event space, Lisa is on the phone with a fellow comedian asking that person to get Charlie Sheen to come to the event. Unless tiger blood and porn stars are on the menu, I don’t think he’ll show.
Apparently, both teams are holding their respective events in the same space and will be separated by… a partition, maybe? I guess NBC has cut this show’s budget and refused to spring for renting two locations. Arsenio realizes he needs to decorate the space. Lisa is on it, and Teresa is in charge of catering.
Aubrey is going a mile a minute describing her many, many decorating ideas to a decorator and to the group. Cuing my best Alien countdown voice, they now have less than 48 hours before kickoff. Clay is trying to get Aubrey to slow her roll. She’s coming up with some crazy shit (let’s each call five people to paint the walls!). He rightfully points out the potential for multiple disasters in the making. Naturally, Aubrey bristles because Clay has “checked” her. Debbie’s cousin paints murals or something, so she’ll ask her to paint the walls. Clay, again rightfully, wants to see a sketch before she starts painting anything. Debbie is offended by this.
Day 2. Clay, Dee and Penn are headed to film the ad in a park. Debbie keeps trying to draw Clay into the minutiae of the mural, but Clay doesn’t want to sweat the small stuff. The group realizes that a nearby elevated train will make it impossible to get audio.
Adam directs the group’s portion of their 80’s-themed charity awareness ad. He likes that Arsenio is not micromanaging. Meanwhile, Clay’s group is desperately seeking a grassy area for the shot so that the kids in the shoot have somewhere to play. He talks to the photography director about their problem. Adam jokes about Teresa’s enthusiasm/naivety, and that she probably has no idea what ‘naivety’ means. Probably?
Clay, Penn and Dee continue their walking tour of NYC looking for grass. They’re running out of time. They come across a grassy area next to a housing project and decide to use it, and manage to get good shots of the kids playing.
Arsenio shoots his portion of the ad, then tosses to Magic Johnson. Adam’s directing the LA shoot over the phone, sight unseen. His go-to technical guy isn’t at the shoot. It sounds very awkward. Adam and Arsenio are headed to editing. Teresa, Lisa and Paul return to the suite to raise dollar dollar dollar bills, y’all.
Aubrey and Debbie head to the rehearsal space to work on the music. Aubrey is bitching because she’s not in charge, and gets in a dig about Debbie being her elder in the industry. Aubrey never fails to come up with trite and unoriginal ways to slam people.
Arsenio and Adam edit the footage shot by the team and await the footage from LA. Clay, Dee and Penn are in editing, and Clay and Debbie clash over where the music should come in. She seems to enjoy obsessing over really small details. Meanwhile, Lisa (on Arsenio’s team) calls Clay and says she’s going to make a donation to his charity. This further fuels my speculation that Clay will raise the most money. Perhaps her contribution will put Clay over the top? Aubrey seems to come through with some money from a donor.
As Arsenio’s editing guy is waiting for the LA footage to upload, Adam reveals that his LA team focuses more on audio than visual stuff. I am certain this will not be significant at all.
Dee and Debbie rehearse their musical portion, then she continues practicing another song she’ll sing. Clay wants Debbie to finish the damn thing before he proposes any changes, because she keeps stopping every two seconds for his input. He’s trying to get her to sing the song from beginning to end, but she’s being difficult. And irritating.
Debbie’s cousin got several people to commit to helping her with the mural, but it’s taking too long for Clay. Since he still has no sketch in hand, Clay decides that he’s done with the damn mural. He and Debbie go back and forth, and her little feelings are hurt. Even though he’s shut down the mural, Debbie continues talking to the cousin on the phone about it. I don’t think she realizes that the clock is ticking. I guess that’s the best the producers could do to manufacture drama on Team Clay? Meh. The problem is pretty easily solved by benching Debbie on the mural, so it’s a pretty poor effort.
Back at team Arsenio, the LA footage finally arrives. Turns out Magic is shot from the wrong angle, and the footage isn’t usable. There is no time to re-do the shot. Now THAT’S drama. Dun dun dun!!
I guess next week a winner is announced? My money is on Clay.
Image via bostonherald.com
