Please don’t tell me that damnable Justin Timberlake movie about paying for things with time, or teeny, tiny douche hats, or odd falsetto riffs, will someday become a thing. Surely, we won’t have to worry about new types of currency, right?
Haha, there’s probably so much money still left in Fort Knox that there’s no way the government doesn’t have enough gold to back all the cash in this country. HA! That’s not likely to happen. Our future won’t revert back to trading buttons and matchsticks for oatmeal will it? Wait. Seriously! Will it? Maybe not, but tech experts predict that we won’t need paper money in the future.
A report from The Week says, yes, by 2020 techies predict that using actual cash in paper form will become pase’ and that you’ll pay for everything with a swipe of your Smartphone or iPad. Sheesh. Welp, you better tell your mom to give up her Motorola flip phone from 2001. There’s no way that bad boy will be able to buy anything at the Safeway, and seriously, they already hate it when she pulls out the coupons and her check book.
The currency technology that’s making all the IT guys in your building twitter in their chairs already exists and is widely used elsewhere in the world, which confirms that we Americans just do things for nostalgia sake, like using money with dead Presidents on it, or eating Big Macs. Those tech dudes are pretty sure “Smartphone swipey payee” will gain mainstream acceptance. But really, what will the alternative be? Some die-hard cash-wielder will set up shop in a cave where he’ll let people buy loose cigarettes and single Tic-Tacs? No. We’re pretty sure this will be a “all or hobo” kind of deal if paper money is completely phased out.
Some think this is a good idea, because Skynet has infiltrated their brain stem. No, okay, that’s crazy. [Makes sure arm isn’t made of Mitt Romney, breathes sigh of relief] Excited writer over at The Atlantic, Megan Garber, says, “Your wallet may soon be a collector’s item. Given the explosion of mobile transactions over the past several years, it’s hard to disagree with the general idea that cash and credit cards are, effectively, on their way out. Cash and credit cards will be (nearly) dead within the next 8 years.” Yikes?
Some skeptics think it will take longer than just eight years for cash to be completely done away with. After all, big, powerful companies have a stake in the success of cash and credit cards. I mean seriously, what the hell will happen to fooling young people into getting a credit card and racking up thousands of dollars in debt? How will Capital One make all its goddamned money? Maybe moonshine? There aren’t nearly enough moonshiners left in the Union. Yes? Exactly.
In addition to those who think profit will keep the transition at bay, some also believe the public will scoff at having all their money solely accessible on their mobile devices. Sure, we use debit/credit for a lot of things, but it’s still comforting to know that you can go to an ATM and withdraw money if you need to. Imagine that surreal moment when you check your account and there’s no money there because of a computer glitch, and you can’t use the cash hidden in your super, secret bunker in case of emergencies! What then? Just what then? Offering mustache rides for a ham sandwich, that’s what.
What seems most logical is that money will still be around, however rare, but Smartphone payments will be the norm by 2020. Or we’ll have to pay for everything in blood, that is when we’re not hiding from Space Reavers. Oh, technology, we love you.
Sound a little freaky or sounds like the equivalent to money evolution? “Look, honey, our money climbed out the primordial ooze. It has thumbs now.” Geesh. Let us know in the comments.
