“Stay true to you, XOXO.” And with that generic, underwhelming sign-off, LaShauwn has been cast off into the great Beyond. Latrice is sad that her baby is gone. I know she had a special fondness for LaShauwn, but come on Latrice, you’re mama hen to most of these bitches, and they need you! The Princess describes how awful it was to be on the bottom even though we’re reasonably sure it wasn’t her first time at that rodeo. Also she’s annoyed that Jiggly called her out. Oh well, that’s how the game is played, sweetie! Hit the jump, and let’s break down this week’s episode.
You’ve Got She-Mail
RuPaul appears on screen and makes several references to her own music, concluding by saying: “And for the record, those are all available on iTunes.” I need to just pause for a moment and say how much I love that this show is so unabashedly a platform for Miss Ru to market herself. I know there are other facets to it, and it’s the total package that draws the audience in, but let us never forget that Ru is the star here.
Mini Challenge
Ru tells the gworls she’s “honored whenever anyone makes an online video of one of [her] songs.” Ru shows the gworls a video that Piyah Martell made for one of her songs. Piyah suffers from caudal regression syndrome, meaning her lower spine did not form properly, and she has no legs. Chad is clearly moved and calls Piyah “very inspiring.” The gworls are tasked with making a butterfly headpiece for Piyah. The queens pair off, and shockingly nobody wants to work with Jiggly so she has to join one of the existing pairs (Phi Phi and Kenya). Ru shouts “Go!” and they attack the butterfly supply like a bunch of savages. Or whatever. It was scary, okay? Phi Phi, Kenya and Jiggly win, but I thought The Princess and DiDa Ritz’s headpiece (pictured) was nicer. It’s Piyah’s choice so she got what she wanted!
Main Challenge
The queens are tasked with creating infomercials for RuPaul’s two albums, Champion and Glamazon. Phi Phi and Kenya are team captains for the main challenge since they won the mini challenge.
Team Champion is Phi Phi, Sharon Needles, DiDa Ritz, Latrice Royale, Jiggly Caliente
Team Glamazon is Kenya Michaels, Chad Michaels, Willam, Milan, The Princess, Madame La Queer
Madame La Queer is picked last again this week, which kind of surprises me since she won the main challenge last week, but as we’ll see later during Untucked, not everyone felt that Madame did so great during the wrestling challenge.
Once the queens get down to business, Phi Phi quickly becomes overwhelmed: choreography, lip-synching, etc. There’s a lot to coordinate, and Miss Know It All is sweating a little. When in doubt, be a cunt to Sharon Needles: “Just put some white powder on your face and look gothic, that’s all we need you to do.” Yes, we get it, Phi Phi: Sharon tends to do a spookier drag, but as we’ve seen only three episodes in, Miss Needles is capable of doing a range of looks and styles successfully and without compromising her comedic persona. So take it down a notch, Phi Phi.
Kenya’s team is brainstorming, and Milan basically shoves that bitch aside, says they’re doing an 80s theme, and Kenya can’t even get a word out. Milan says she’s helping out due to the language barrier. If the barrier is your loud mouth talking over Kenya, then yes, bitch, there’s a language barrier. Everyone notices, but nobody speaks up. Willam is going to tackle “Click Clack” which is perfect for Miss Thirty-Four Pairs of Shoes. The Princess claims she hasn’t “been given the opportunity” to shine–Ru strongly disagrees, and so do I. The point of a competition is that you have to bring your best to it–the competition doesn’t cater to you, bitch!
Cut to Phi Phi O’Hara, who looks like a chola pirate. I don’t what. Sharon says she wants to show another side of RuPaul’s very dancey music so that it might appeal to the alterna-crowd too.
Ru tells the queens: “Remember, you need to connect with the TV audience. Make them laugh, sell some product and pitch your heart out.”
Team Glamazon
The Princess can’t remember her lines and seems uncomfortable. I know they’re going for an 80s look and all, but her makeup seems like too much.
“You tell me when you’re ready,” Ru tells Willam, who turns and takes a big sniff of Shawn Morales. “I’m ready,” she says. Willam, you fucking slay me. (Srsly, though, I’d take a big sniff too. He is so yumyum.) We get to see a bit of Willam’s performance of Click Clack, and she is just so entertaining. Hair, makeup and costume are on point as always, but more importantly she brings such personality to her drag. She’s so funny. It’s interesting that despite the premiere, Willam hasn’t been getting a lot of face time for the past two weeks. Could she be the dark horse sneaking into the final five? The final three? We shall see.
Milan, for some reason, decides to make references to Whitney Houston. First of all, it made me a little queasy: I know this episode was long in the can when Ms. Houston passed on Saturday, but the coincidence was just uncomfortable. Second of all: hello, bitch, you’re supposed to be shilling for RuPaul, not Whitney Houston.
Kenya sucks on a leopard print bone, and…yeah, that’s really all you need to know about her performance.
Team Champion
Phi Phi O’Hara was going for a chola look after all. I find her whole shtick offensive, and it really feels like she’s trying too hard. It’s not funny, it’s excruciating.
Jiggly does a geisha character with a stereotypical Asian accent and a reference to soy sauce in her panties. Crude, offensive and that’s about all I can say about that. I like a good sex joke as much as the next person, but she just grossed me out.
Sharon seems to fumble. It seems as though Ru and Michelle Visage are not enjoying her performance.
DiDa is not funny. Her whole performance is just unbearable.
Main Stage
The judges are: RuPaul of course, Michelle Visage, Santino Rice, and guest judges Amber Riley & Natalie Cole (who looked mostly sober! Bravo!)
Ru explains that her gworls are “ready to take a spin down the runway in platinum and gold.”
Overall, this was not a favorite Main Stage for me.
Milan: She went gold. Very disco harem. She works it.
Chad Michaels: She looks very elegant in her gold gown, and the painted forehead is a very nice touch.
Willam: She looks great draped in gold chains with the spikes on the shoulder.
Sharon Needles: As usual, Sharon takes a different spin on the look than any of the other gworls: she’s a glammed out 50s greaser sporting a glittering pompadour. I love it.
Phi Phi O’Hara: She looks tacky again. The makeup is gross. The crystals tacked to her face are too big. The dress is spinster pageant. Do not want.
Madame La Queer: She’s serving Jane Jetson realness. I get definite echoes of Stacy Layne Matthews’ out-of-this-world look from last season. Is it actually the very same outfit?
The Princess: She went with a bodysuit thing and a bald head, sporting a scarf much like Ru. It works.
Jiggly Caliente: She has on a glittery dress and is sporting a mohawk. It’s fine if also safe.
DiDa Ritz: The only thing I typed into my notes was “gold corset/bathing suit.” I am just not impressed with Ms. Ritz. She didn’t bring it in the main challenge, and she can pound that runway all she wants, but I don’t think her hair, makeup or clothing are up to par.
Latrice Royale: She looks glamorous in her gold dress. I love the boots.
Kenya Michaels: She went very android/sci-fi, more successfully than Madame La Queer.
RuPaul’s Best Main Stage One-Liner: (about Kenya Michaels) “C3P-Ho! In space, no one can hear you, queen!”
Sharon wins another challenge. Bitch, you on fire! Speaking of fire, did you catch Miss Phi Phi with flames on the side of her face? Eat it!
Lip-Synch for Your Life
DiDa Ritz and The Princess are up for elimination and must lip-synch some Natalie Cole as a last chance to impress the judges.
Overall, it was a pretty impressive lip-synch. As Latrice says, “That is what a lip-synch for your life is, baby.” It’s true. Both queens are giving solid performances and duking it out without going all Mimi Imfurst about it. They are a yin-yang though. DiDa overdoes it a bit. It felt too earnest or eager, like a Disney kid starlet performing on uppers at the happiest place on earth. The Princess is slightly under-selling it, but that’s been her problem all along, hasn’t it?
Shantay, DiDa Ritz stays. The Princess sashays away.
Untucked
The safe gworls are in the Interior Illusions Lounge drinking Absolut cocktails. Phi Phi of course thought she had the strongest personality on camera. Sure, Phi Phi, if by strongest you mean the person who tried too hard and was unconvincing, then that was definitely you. Willam manages to get in some (truthful) digs, saying she couldn’t really understand what Phi Phi was saying. It’s shocking (SHOCKING!) when Phi Phi changes the subject by talking some more shit about Sharon.
Willam is the only one to bring up the fact that Milan railroaded Kenya and basically took over the job of team leader. Milan loses her temper very quickly, but Willam remains very calm, cool as a cucumber. Love it.
Then they take a moment to rip Madame La Queer to shreds. They call her “Stacy Layne Part Two.” Phi Phi says she’s tired of hearing Madame complain about her feet. They also seem to agree that she didn’t do so well in the last challenge, that it was mostly thanks to Chad Michaels that Madame succeeded. Milan stands up for her, but really Milan is standing up for the Craft of Acting, not so much for Madame La Queer.
The safe queens are directed into the gold room, where Jiggly gets a surprise: a video message from her brother back home. She cries ugly, but I shouldn’t be mean about it: we find out it’s the anniversary of her mother’s death, and seeing her brother on screen just totally unhinges her. Poor thing. Latrice swoops in like the mother hen she is, saying just the right things to let Jiggly know she is there for her without allowing Jiggly sink too deeply into sadness. Phi Phi, on the other hand, takes the opportunity to direct the focus of the conversation back to herself. Goddamn she is such a twat.
The other queens are back in the Interior Illusions Lounge, and there’s some tension. Most of them said Madame La Queer should go home while out on the main stage. Madame La Queer feels that Kenya has betrayed some kind of Puerto Rican sisterhood, but Kenya resents the insinuation that she and Madame should be friends just because they both speak Spanish. Frankly I understand where both are coming from.
Sharon makes reference to there being no right or wrong way to do drag, and The Princess is quick to remind her that she had just said on the main stage that The Princess not changing her voice while in drag was an issue. Sharon says it’s her opinion, which it is, and she adds that The Princess was really the only one who didn’t make her laugh in the infomercial. Well, let us not forget DiDa, Ms. Needles, but yes, The Princess wasn’t funny either.
All in all a fairly undramatic Untucked.
C.U.N.T. and C U Next Tuesday
Charisma: Sharon Needles, for bringing her winning spooky persona to the infomercial challenge and for doing something entirely different, but no less charismatic, for the main stage.
Uniqueness: I have to give this one to Sharon as well because, really, she just brings such a unique point-of-view to this competition.
Nerve: Jiggly Caliente, for putting on a brave face during what was obviously a very painful day for her, keeping it together until she was faced with her brother’s video message.
Talent: Willam, who I feel got somewhat overlooked this week. I understand why Sharon won the challenge, but there is something just so effortlessly funny and charming about Willam.
C U Next Tuesday: Milan, who stomped over Kenya, appointed herself leader of the group and then wasn’t man enough to just own up to it.
